While I was living in Belfast, Northern Ireland I bought a coconut in the grocery store for ten pence. Next day, I brought it to the lab for tea time. My colleagues asked me, how are you going to open it? Easy, I said, just hit it once in the middle of each of the three lines that go between the eyes. I drained the milk into a cup after punching a couple of the eyes out with a screw driver. I opened the window of the red brick building on the third floor. With the coconut in one hand, I smashed it into the stone window sill three times, bam, bam, bam. Turning the coconut 1/3 each time to strike the center of each line. The coconut cracked and split in half by the third strike.

At that moment, I looked like I knew what I was doing.

Now can you tell me how to open a hubbard (or other large) squash? I use a giant cleaver and it is a major production!

Why?

I have whipped out the powerdrill at the crack (no pun intended) of dawn for coconut pancakes for the inlaws.

Damn near killed myself.

You’re thinking high tech when you should be thinking low tech.
Forget the power tools, electricity, and all that stuff.

I’m sure you’ve got palm trees down there in Fla.

Go out and get your self a monkey.
They open those suckers up first time every time.

PS: Your kids will love you for it !

Things that will break open a coconut (Not necessarily still edible, but if you’re on a rampage to open a coconut, this will do it)
1. M80 Fireworks (Gotta go south of the border for ‘em).
2. Jackhammer (Helps if you live in the city so you can find someone working with one)
3. Liquid Nitrogen (Idea From Terminator 2), then just tap it with a hammer.
4. Make it sit down to watch Family Guy episodes. The coconut will do whatever it can to be sure that it’s not in one piece after sitting through that miserable, unfunny show.
5. If you have a wood-chopping stump out back, use a sledgehammer (Better wear some clothes you dont mind getting messy).
6. If all else fails: Call Gallagher. He spent most of his life smashing innocent fruits and vegetables, he’ll point you in the right direction.

My freshman year of college I bought a coconut, brought it back to my dorm and then realized that, silly me, I did not happen to have brought my father’s hacksaw (my normal tool of choice) from home to cut open coconuts with. So, I took our small hammer to it. It worked, although not as elegantly as I might have liked.

I might add that using a hacksaw may result in a set of Monty Python-style horse tack…

But I love the drizzling of honey idea.

The Coconut can be pried open at this stage easily.

While we have devices to finely grate the meat off the shelf, we can also get narrow wedges. The wedges look great in salads and taste good with honey. Just hold the half firmly down, drive a thick-bladed knife with a sharp point at a point close to the edge all the way down and twist it outside. And yes, a complete coconut is going to be a bit of a pain!