These are a few of my favorite things

A bouquet of vanilla beans…

Vanilla Beans

My yearly supply of saffron threads…

Saffron

More on the next page…..

Enough to play with all year long…

Saffron

The Surgery

I’ve always had bad vision, but too lazy to wear contacts or glasses. My rock-star husband gifted me money to get Lasik….and the big big day is tomorrow!  I would have had it done earlier, however my eye doc said, “Honey, we gotta fix your chronic dry eyes first.”

WHAT? Dry eyes! Is there such a thing?

Oh. em. let’s see….could it be because after my second child was born, I collapsed every morning in front of the dishwasher and cried so much that EYEBALLS JUST GAVE UP AND RAN OUT OF TEARS?!  Oh. My. What a sad, disgusting life I would lead without being able to cry. Thank goodness for $300.00 eyedrops, because I don’t know if I could live without being able to watch re-runs of Ross and Rachel break up in Friends.

I prayed to the Wet Eye Goddess every night for a month in addition to the expensive drops and now…I’m healed. I can cry again – with even BETTER, BIGGER choked up dry heaves that accompany massive drama. My little hissy-fits end up sounding like elephants in heat.

Surgery tomorrow. Which is why I’m posting today. Because tomorrow, I might not be able to see the computer screen. In fact, the doc office made me watch a horrific video explaining all the risks, including the possibility of a freak accident resulting in losing my vision altogether. Which wouldn’t be THAT bad, because then I’d have a legit excuse not to do laundry. And I could hire a chauffeur, personal chef, maid and nanny.  I could bitch all day.  And TEAR ABUNDANTLY about it.

Well, wish me luck because I’m a little chicken.  It’s supposed to be painless and quick.  But I can envision that I’d be so squirmy they’d have to strap me Hannibal Lecter style on the operating table.  So loud they’d have to duct tape my mouth. And then don’t EVEN get me started on my claustrophobia, novercaphobia, merinthophobia and something-pointed-to-my-eyeball-phobia.

The Podcast

I spent the day with Jeff Houck, food writer of The Tampa Tribune. He’s great fun, especially when we go shopping together and giggle at pork uterus! Today, we recorded a Tampa Tribune podcast which will go live in October, a week before my PBS special airs. I’ll then join the company of celebs like Danny DeVito, Cat Cora, Paula Deen, and Janeane Garafolo who have also done podcasts with Jeff. Is that cool or what? Seriously. This is a guy who rubs elbows with all of the foodie bigshots – but treats peons like me with the same star treatment as Batali, Zimmern, Todd English. Ahhhh….Todd English.  YOU ARE SO HOT.

Well, I promise to post podcast when it’s ready. I know….podcast not being live until Oct is lame and soooo 1998.  But we had to record today instead of next month b/c of scheduling conflicts. Here are some pics in the meantime.

This is me trying out my “radio voice” which apparently sounds like a cat hanging by its toenails being smacked by a weathervane.

Here is Jeff. He gets to sit in the fancy sound box with a spit-guard in case I bore him so badly he barfs.

Thank goodness he didn’t ask embarrassing questions, like how I whored myself out.

When we were done, Jeff took me on a secret tour. Here’s where all the important people sit. They are watching Tom & Jerry, infomercials and animal porn.

The best part of the tour was sneaking into the daytime studio, where they had a full working kitchen. One day soon, I will cook here!

I decided to try the kitchen on for size and draped seductively over the stove. Of course, I don’t think my show would get good reviews if my drooping tits caught on fire on that stovetop.

Classy.

What’s up with that loud shirt that screams “Don’t tempt me because I CAN CRY ON DEMAND!”

Comments 54

  1. Amy

    Oh my look at all that saffron! I’ve always had terrible vision too, too lazy for contacts but I have to wear glasses. One day I’ll have to get Lasik too. *pat pat* Everything will go well tomorrow. And you look fab in those photos. :)

  2. Lilie

    Wow! Is that like a million dollars worth of saffron? Pretty! I haven’t seen saffron in person before.

  3. tigerfish

    Hope the Lasik goes well and smooth. Be on the alert though as I heard Lasik will make the eyes even drier!

    Sexy steamy steaming that kitchen :P

  4. Kitt

    Wow, you’re brave! Good luck with the surgery.

    Looking forward to your podcast. Thanks for the delicious pics.

  5. Lydia

    Good luck today — you are braver than I am to have this surgery. I would have to be strapped down and then knocked completely unconscious! I’m looking forward to your podcast.

  6. Lisa

    Good luck with the surgery, Jaden. I’m sure it’ll go fine, and then everything will look sparkly and new! Or at least in focus…

  7. ilingc

    I-Ling is suffering from envy!! at your supply of vanilla beans. I want! Good luck with eye surgery, think of the positives.. 20/20 vision forever..! well.. just a thought. :)

  8. LunaPierCook

    You mean to tell me your home kitchen isn’t better than that one? Oh, C’MON NOW!

    You know why they put that sock on the Electro-Voice RE-series mic you used? They say it’s a “pop filter”, but really, it’s so you can spit till your heart’s content. Really, that’s what it’s for. Honest. Go ahead. Spit all over the thing. It’s fine. Trust me.

    And as for the Lasik, yeah, I see what you’re sayin. ;-)

  9. LunaPierCook

    (sigh) Well, a cool, funny comment I’d written here hath bitten the dust. Too much blood in my caffeine system to do it again though. Maybe later.

    Good luck with the Lasik, J!

  10. Nan

    Good lord, that was hilarious. Gotta watch out for those “drooping tits”! Good luck with the surgery!!

  11. Pingback: Not Getting This Internet Thing § Unqualified Offerings

  12. Jeff

    Man, I wouldn’t even know how to fill out the paperwork for boob damage.

    Just so you know, I went back and wiped down that counter after you left.

  13. veron

    Good luck with your eye surgery tomorrow. You will do just great! I have a friend who had dry eyes and had lasik and didn’t have any problems at all. Anyway I envy your vanilla bean stash – but I must say my saffron stash is bigger than yours ;) – that’s what happens when you’ve got friends and relatives who make frequent trips to Iran.

  14. LunaPierCook

    Jeff, when it comes to “paperwork for boob damage”, it looks as though, with Jaden around, you’ll have to stay abreast of those kinds of things.

  15. Dan

    Yeah… Don’t sizzle your lady bits on that stove top. By the way, I hate those kinds of stoves. I hate them, hate them, hate them… I have one, and every time I want to boil water, I want to light the damn thing on fire. Just when the pot is about to boil, the little magic light bulb blinks off with an annoying, patronizing click.

    Those damn light-bulb stove-tops have driven me barking mad.

    Oh! Good luck with the surgery.

  16. Ady

    Jaden, your blog now is very professional, I like it very much.
    I love the same things you love , vanilla and saffron.
    I couldn’t cook cake without vanilla beans, the taste is so delicious.
    Jaden you are so beautifull in that kitchen, I’m sure you’ll cokk there soon!!!!
    I would like ti have a kitchen like that in tv where I have my cooking program.
    Bye
    Kisses
    Ady

  17. bhags

    best of luck Jaden, with the surgery….your blog post reminded me of the song from Sound of Music, though it is irrelevant here…it was good read

  18. sia

    u crack me up everytime i come to read ur post and make my day girl :D oh did i say ur new template looks “firey” and “hot” ? ;)
    good luck with the surgery

  19. Jaded

    Good luck with the surgery Jaden. My hubby got Lasik done last year and his eyesight was pretty bad. He even has a stigmatism. After a year his eyesight has gotten significantly better but he still sees double halos at night. The doctor prescribed him some eye drops that contracts his eye ball or somethin by 1mm so he can see now. He says they work really well. Another thing, when the doctor offers you optional medication to help you relax, take it. Just do it! My hubby didn’t and he regrets it heh. (Hope you’ve already had your surgery done so you don’t freak out reading this hehe)

    I can’t wait to see what you do with saffron. My friend bought me some from France and the only thing I can think of doing with it, is boulliabase (sp?).

  20. lynn

    I hear you with the surgery fears! Prayers for a speedy recovery! Your posts make my morning so I’m going to need you back soon. :-)

  21. wmw

    Thought you were only suppose to steam up the kitchen…and not lay on the stove top and burn the kitchen down! LOL…All the best for surgery…and now you’ll have that “twinkle” in your eyes too! Hahaha….

  22. Leisureguy

    I had LASIK surgery and it was a great help. I still wear glasses, but now I can see reasonably well without them.

    Regarding dry eyes: a friend greatly alleviated the condition by taking flaxseed oil capsules. Might be worth a try.

  23. Melinda

    Good luck for your lasik surgery. They advetise here the price to have just one eye done, which always cracks me up. Other than having only one eye, why would you want just one done?
    You look gorgeous and Me thinks Jeff wiped down the counter tops with his tongue!

  24. Rose

    One day this kitchen will be yours. It just matches your shirt and sensuality. Good luck my dear Jaden for the surgery.

  25. Dan

    By the way, I strongly discourage lasik surgery for women. I just look much better when a woman’s eyesight is bad.

  26. Esther

    I just found your site and love it! I have a batch of the no knead bread hanging out in my kitchen right now.
    Hope your surgery goes well!

  27. Songbird

    Jaden,
    I hope that all went well today with the surgery. Rest and take care of yourself. I look forward to your next post.

  28. SteamyKitchen

    $3.99 for a tiny jar?! Hmm…I’m thinking about having a Saffron contest soon….and the prize may be a big container of Saffron….we’ll see!

  29. LunaPierCook

    HEY Y’ALL!!! Right about the time Jaden posted this last comment, she and I were chatting in IM. Her eyes are fine, she can see well, and she’s on her way in for a next-day checkup right now. Sounds as though her eyes are going to fine! Of course, they were before, weren’t they? ;-)

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