On Air: Ancient Chinese Secret Fried Rice

After a month, I FINALLY got this dang video up! It’s my first time cooking LIVE on television – ABC morning news.

Now how backwards is this:

Live broadcast via very expensive digital news cameras -> transmits via fancy satellite somewhere up in space -> to massive receiver at my cable company that I pay $123.00 per month to -> though thousands of miles of underground digital cable to my HD-ready cable box -> that gets recorded in high quality, digital format (like Tivo) -> saved low quality to VCR tape (yeah, that is SO 1985!) -> pay someone $40 to get 4 minutes of video from scratchy quality VCR tape onto a DVD -> which gets converted to an .avi file -> which gets uploaded to YouTube -> which then gets transmitted through the tangled Internet tubes to your computer.

(whew!) I know there is an easier way, but I don’t have a video capture card on my computer.  I asked Scott to build a computer that we could hook up directly to the TV, cuz…you know…he owns a computer company. But then again, I’m still waiting for a towel rack to be installed in the kitchen. That I asked for 5 years ago.

Here’s the studio kitchen, which is inches away from the newscasters. And NO, I didn’t drape seductively over this stovetop, like I did on this one. Cute little kitchen – the counter and cabinets in the back are about 6″ deep – perfect for people with really short, nubby arms. See that window?  Just right outside are laughing children jumping rope, gorgeous, fragrant Gardenias, lovely palm trees, perfect, sunny 80F degree weather, a Stepford housewife tending to her garden, a dad playing catch with his son….all printed nicely on posterboard 

Really, it was 5:30 am, still pitch black outside.

There are 3 of these big, bad cameras. You’ll see in the video that I didn’t know which one to look at!  They are remote controlled, and remind me of some Star Wars robot. Pretty intimidating. They actually scared the bajeebers outta me when all three of them simulateously moved towards me with,

“Use the force, Steamy. Use the force” flashing on their screens. Damn robots.

Here is newscaster Silke Roble. Don’t let her nicely pressed, professional outfit fool you – she’s also wearing fuzzy pink flip-flops. Really!

And this is where they have special guests.  See that thick wire and foot petal in front of the chair?  That is a nifty gadget. The guest sits on the left chair, the host on the right. It’s a live broadcast, so if the guest says embarrassing things like, “I like turtles,” all the host has to do is nudge the foot petal and (poof!) guest gets ejected out of chair and crashes through that glass screen. All in a blink of an eye. Thank goodness they kept me in the kitchen.

Here’s the dish that I made – Chinese Fried Rice – it has Chinese sausage (lap cheong), eggs, carrots and peas.

So here are a few things that I have learned since that taping:

1. 3 minutes is a LOOOOONGGGG time, especially when I’ve drank 3 espressos with a Red Bull chaser (because I woke up at 4:30am to get to the studio at 5:30am) and too afraid to run off to the restroom for fear that I would miss my spot and the camera would pan to the kitchen and …. um….where the hell is Steamy?
2. I’m short. I need to practice cooking in my 4″ hooker heels.
3. Confucious say, “Flappy arm sleeves may catch on fire if one not careful.”
4. Live television is fun! Especially when I pre-warn the producer to keep finger on the “bleeeep” button in case naughty words escape my lips.
5. Television adds 30lbs, not 10.

I must have not been THAT bad – they’ve asked me back! If you are in the area (Sarasota/Manatee counties) and get ABC Channel 7, tune in October 9th around 6:30am-ish.  This time I promise not to drink espresso and Red Bull. TOO! FRICKIN’! PERKY!

Here’s the video! Alright, be gentle now,
I’m no Mario, Giada or Rachel! (yet). Gracious newscastress, Silke, made it so easy!

Chinese Fried Rice

A quick and easy recipe that takes about 10 minutes to make.  I usually include “fish sauce” in my fried rice, but this recipe is made without it.

2 eggs, beaten
1/4 cup diced Chinese sausage
2 stalks scallions, minced
1/4 teaspoon grated ginger (use microplane)
3/4 cup diced vegetables
1 tablespoon soy sauce (or Tamari for gluten free)
1 teaspoon Chinese rice wine
3 cups cooked day-old Jasmine Rice (break up chunks)
1/4 teaspoon salt+ freshly ground pepper
1/4 teaspoon sesame oil

1. Fry the sausage & eggs: Heat up wok or large saute pan on medium-high heat. Add 1 teaspoon of cooking oil and when hot, add eggs. Fry eggs gently until 50% done, remove and set aside. Wipe pan clean. Turn heat to medium-low and add Chinese sausage. Cook the sausage until the fat melts. Remove sausage carefully, leaving as much of the sausage fat in the wok/pan.

2. Fry vegetables: Add the scallions & ginger and cook in the sausage oil for 15 seconds. Add diced vegetables. Cook until heated through, about 30 seconds. Add the soy sauce and rice wine, cook another 15 seconds.

3. Add the rice: Your rice grains should be broken up and as separate as possible. Add the rice, eggs, sausage to the wok/pan and fry until each grain is heated through. Season with salt, pepper and sesame oil. Stir fry until all ingredients are steaming hot.

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Spam Fried Rice….and ode in the style of Seuss

Chinese Fried Rice (this recipe includes Fish Sauce…and this is normally how I made fried rice.

Easy Chinese Vegetables – Garlic Yu Choy (which is Chinese spinach)