Chino-Latino Wings

Chino Latino Wings

I wrestled for quite a while on what to name this dish. Here were the options:

Chinatina

Chin-amigo

Asia-tino

Chinka-tino

Mexinese

Guapalicious Ding Dong Wing Wongs

In the end, Chino-Latino won. However, Guapalicious Ding Dong Wing Wongs came in a close second.

Ok. So take Chinese Hoisin BBQ Sauce (sweet, sticky, salty sauce made from soy, garlic, sugar and vinegar) + Chipotle Peppers in Adobo Sauce (smoked jalepenos in a spicy spicy chili concoction).
HEY HEY HEY.  Wait one stinkin’ moment here.…look below at the can. Did the company spell Chipotle wrong?!?!?  Did I totally get ripped off with a Chipotle knock-off?  NO WAY. We’re not talking about my $30 Guccie purse or $12 Louie Vuitton earrings or my $22 Channell belt.  We’re talking about sabotaging my Chino-Latino wings.

Chino-Latino Wings

Other recipes using Hoisin Sauce

Kalyn’s Stir Fried Bok Choy with Hoisin Sauce

Perfect Pantry’s Asparagus Wonton Wraps

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Guys and gals, I need your opinion again.  I have a new food column with an alternative weekly entertainment newspaper.

Boy, that suspiciously sounds like code for “porn magazine.”

Hmmm….let’s try again.

I’ll be writing for a KICK-ASS arts & entertainment paper called Creative Loafing…the one you pick up when you need to know what’s happening or where to eat in town.  It’s also the same publication that makes pubescent boys giggle uncontrollably at the trashy ads in the back.

Same type of paper as L.A. Weekly. Chicago Reader. Village Voice, New York Press, SF Weekly.  In fact, they just purchased Chicago Reader and Washington City Paper.

I’m supposed to submit a logo for “Jaden’s Steamy Kitchen” and a photo for the column. So I went to Simpsonize Me and came up with this:

(Ok you laugh, but let’s see yours)

Or I could do the whole “BAM!” thing…except I think I’d need to Chinkify it to Whhapppaaaachhhhaaa!!

(No, those are NOT my hairy arms. It’s an old photo of Emeril before he grew a third stomach)

But how about Giada?  She’s got nice boobs. I thought she needed a cleaver and the wok spatula though. Damn. I look like I just slaughtered a pig.

(Yes. this is her. Don’t believe me?)

But how about this – at the request of a friend, here is Molto Miz Steamy.  Although I think I need to modify the shoes – I would much rather have 4″ orange stilettos than clogs. Do you think I need to shave?

Then again, I could go the Rachel Ray route. I shoulda replaced the chocolate spoon with an Egg Roll or something)  Totally. Like gag me with EVOO.

(or I could use any of these assorted suggestive shots of Rachel)

So, what do you think guys? Really. An honest opinion, k? If you have another suggestion, let me know.  Because I really really care about projecting a good, innocent, wholesome brand image you know.

ummm…y’all know that I’m kidding about those photos, right?

 

Comments 64

  1. tigerfish

    I want Steamy just out of a steam-bath, in bikini (FHM-style), holding on to a cleaver(like Giada) and do the whole whhapacha (like Emeril) !!!
    Tie up a ponytail (like Morimoto) or get a punkish cut (da REAL SIMPSON, mr. bart)!
    Plus, choose to go barefooted (like Contessa) or wear orange crocs (like Mario).
    Ding Dong meets Wing Wongs on the grill (like Bobby) and YO the way (like Paula).
    It’s really wholesome (all the stars are in you) :D

  2. Tim

    Hi! Swanky blog. Love the writing style. Curiously, chino-latino is also a hot spot in Minneapolis for the urban hipsters to hang out at. Pretty decent food as well. Check it out the next time you’re in these parts. Just be sure to drive fast over our bridges! (just in case…)

  3. Melinda

    Definitely not Giada…you look like a Lizzie Borden with those cleavers! I like you as Jabba the Hutt. That was funny.

  4. LunaPierCook

    You know what I think would be great, just to go totally against the whole “steamy” image and be funny about it at the same time? I believe it’s time for you to go the Etta May route … plus a dusting of flour … ;-)

  5. Lydia

    Those photos — hysterical!!! You make a great Emeril! I’ve never tried combining hoisin and chipotles, but I’ve got some chicken thighs in the freezer, and half a can of chipotles in the fridge…. I feel some grilling coming on. BAM!

  6. Anita

    Too funny: I saw the post on Tastespotting, and I thought “chino-latino!” Great minds obviously do think alike. :)

  7. Andy

    I thought the same thing about the chino-latino in Minneapolis when I saw those wings. They look really great!

  8. Wandering Chopsticks

    Just stick with Chino since it’s the Spanish word for Chinese. Kill two birds with one stone. :P

    BTW lady, I remember the last time you sent me that Rachel Ray-ish picture of you. Got sent straight to my spam folder!

  9. argus lou

    Not too Chinese, a bit glam — that’s you, Mrs Steamy.
    So please do a Martha Stewart with humour, figure and Asian savvy. For props (if you must) try a dark grey mortar and pestle, or a coconut and chopper. (Your pic at the top right is very nice.)

  10. Kalyn

    Yes, we know you’re kidding. Still it was good for a laugh. I think you are as cute as can be, just the way you are! Thanks for including my bok coy recipe too, must make that again sometime! (One of the pitfalls of food blogging, I seem to never cook the same thing twice.)

  11. big boys oven

    Oh my those wings look gorgeous….. yummy…. just the right taste I would have my done. The boys prefer the FHM brand image, look even gorgeous than the wings.
    Big Boys Oven

  12. lynn

    So funny! I don’t think you need to be anyone else because things seem to be working out quite well with Jaden as Jaden. Movie star good looks, amazing skills in the kitchen, and a wicked sense of humor. I’d tune it to Whappacha with Jaden!

  13. wmw

    ROFL….this is great stuff. I would have gone for the Wing Wongs…and how about a pic by the poolside in your bikini, cooking sausages in the BBQ grill??? ROFL…..

  14. Chef Chip

    Hey, Jaden! Love your blog. I’m getting to be a Jaden Junkie, now. So pathetic!

    “Chilpotle” is probably the more correct way to spell it. It comes from “chile” and “poctli”. But the name gets butchered all the time. Chipolte is the most common misspelling I’ve seen.

    I go through a lot of those things and I finally resorted to popping open a few cans and running them through my food processor. I keep them in a larger jar in the fridge for easy reuse.

    I like this because I can predict the heat level a lot better.

    Keep up the great writing, Jaden. Great stuff! (Really!)

    Oh! And, I like the Gory Giada best! But, I might replace the carnage with a slain coconut and a couple of power tools from your ‘ubby in the background!

    –Chip

  15. Carol

    I love your pics, Jaden, especially the Simpsonized one! It does actually resemble you some! And Guapalicios Wing Wong Ding Dongs is a really catchy name, I like it, too much I think! HA!HA!

  16. meeso

    Even if you had horrible recipes (which you don’t) I would have to stop by just to get a great laugh!!! Love the name that you picked too!

  17. veron

    I don’t care what you call those chicken wings, I’ll have them any day. They looks oh so finger-licking good. The pictures are too funny!

  18. argus lou

    Oh, my vote was for Gupalicious Ding Dong Wing Wongs!
    I lurvve chicki wings.
    By the way, that smiling serial killer photoshopped pic is still giving me nightmares, Steamy.

  19. Marvin

    Ok, here’s an idea for your logo/picture for your new column:

    How about a picture of you from behind a kitchen window, you’re holding a hot steaming dish of something, and this hot steaming dish is fogging up said kitchen window. Then, written in the steam of the window, it says “Steamy Kitchen”.

    I’m not sure how easy that would be to photograph, but maybe some photoshopping would work too. And depending on how much you wanted to, ahem, “chinkify” everything, you could be holding a hot wok, a bowl of hot noodles, or [insert hot asian food here].

    What do you think?

  20. BerlinKitchen

    Hi Jaden,

    Im back from holiday, just one week at the spanish island of Mallorca, and I have soo much fun with your photos. Chapeau,
    very clever sense of humor!

    Greetings from Germany,
    Martin “BerlinKitchen”

  21. ilingc

    Jaden, somehow Chino-latino sounds pretty natural to me :)
    The wings sound wonderful, the next time the weather becomes suitable for bbqs I will definitely give this ago.

    Re: photos, the fhm thing is just doesn’t cut it for me but I spy a photo of you in your flickr widget that looks like it’s perfect for the column. ;)

  22. Lisa (Homesick Texan)

    I have that same brand of chipotle peppers and yes! it’s misspelled on my can as well. (Though honestly, I never noticed until you pointed it out.) Methinks a canned-chile conspiracy indeed!

  23. Ashley

    the wings look awesome!

    maybe you should slather yourself in butter, tan on the roof, and take a shot like this one of kramer:

  24. Amy

    Chino latino definitely has a nice ring to it. All of those pictures were hilarious but the photo of you in flickr and the about me is perfect already. :)

  25. cindy

    ha, ha! i liked ‘guadalupicious ding dong wing wongs’ best, but it’s too hard to say when your mouth is full of yummy wings! we have one of those publications too, ours is called ‘the stranger’, so it sounds funny when i tell my daughter, “i picked up a stranger on the way home!” it always has the best fun stuff to do on the weekend though!

  26. SteamyKitchen

    Hey guys,
    I think I should make a general rule about posting. Take my antishitzo medication before hitting the POST button.

    Oh I’m just KIDDING!

    xoxo
    j

  27. Pingback: LunaPierCook » Blog Archive » LunaPierCook, Simpsonized

  28. joey

    Hahahaha! You had me at Whapppacha!!! This has got to be the funniest thing I read all day! :) Hahaha! OMG…I think I’m going to be Whapppacha-ing for a couple of days…that was too funny!

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