Size DOES Matter.

Tampa Tribune


I’m not on the front page, thankfully. But I am in the food section!

Tampa Tribune

This is my debut as a weekly columnist in the Tampa Tribune newspaper! I’ll be in there once a week with a “Steamy Kitchen” column.

Boy, is this ever awkward. I just wrote a “Dear John” letter in Tampa’s Creative Loafing, and I’m here at your doorstep already. Breakups are never easy to do, so I simply told truth: I’m leaving for someone more sophisticated, older and who has a larger masthead.

So what do I say to begin our relationship? Nice to meet you? Hope you like me? I don’t do ironing but I sure fry up a mean Pad Thai? Because you’re stuck with me for awhile, as I’m not the kind of gal that goes begging back to an old boyfriend. I’d rather be flogged with a snappy octopus tentacle than to have to endure the shame of saying, “I’m sorry. Take me back. Masthead size doesn’t really matter.”

Well, here we go. My name is Jaden, I’m the author of the dee-luscious SteamyKitchen.com food blog and an absolute raving lunatic, a.k.a. mother of 2 boys above the age of diapers but under the age of reasonable negotiation. I teach hands-on Asian cooking classes at The Rolling Pin in Brandon, Chef’s Table/MT’s in Sarasota and The Epicurean Culinary Academy in Los Angeles.

You might have seen me in the Trib last summer, where I danced across a 2-page spread in the food section or perhaps you heard me on Jeff Houck’s Table Conversations podcast where for some reason, my voice was warped insanely low. While Jeff sounded like the manly lumberjack in the Brawny paper towel commercial, I ended up like one of Marge Simpson’s chain-smoking sisters. That’s hot.

So, you can definitely say that I’m not your traditional food writer or chef, and terms like “foodie“ and “gourmand of refined taste” make me want to turn around and fake barf on your shoes. Like, gag me with a chopstick, do you really mean that you like eating food that tastes good?

Every week in my column, I’ll share with you a modern Asian recipe that’s fast, fresh and simple enough for tonight’s supper. Of course you also get a drool-worthy photo of the dish, because what good is writing a recipe if I can’t make you want to immediately drop that soggy cheeseburger, lick the ink off the newspaper or the pixels off the screen?

Oh yes, masthead size does matter.

***

hmmmmm…berry berry suspicious…

Stripper Jaden
Stripper Food Pornographer
Lips: MAC Ruby Woo Lips: Maybelline ShinyLicious
Makes $100K+ stripping & dancing Would make about $10 in pity money
if I ever tried pole dancing
House in Hawaii Not
Travels the world getting plastic
surgery with boyfriends money
Needs a boob job badly
Trying to extort money from rich
Papa-san judge
I have an online stalker (oh yes I really do)

***

The recipe for Fried Egg with Oyster Sauce and Chilies is here:

Fried Egg with Oyster Sauce and Chilies Fried Egg with Oyster Sauce and Chilies

Comments 92

  1. wmw

    Congrats Jaden! Stalker? Are you talking about me??? Stalking you for a job as your PA? LOL! Mmm…maybe we’ll get to see you on the Asian Food Channel next!

  2. amy purple

    Congratulations on your successes! Things seem to be going quite well for you!

  3. Jessica

    Congrats!
    There’s something wonderful about newsprint…
    I think you should pick a wall in your house and start modpodging your articles on it. It’ll fill up pretty quickly!

  4. Roxy

    Congratulations! I think with your success and great work, the house in Hawaii and the boob job shall be yours soon!

  5. Meryl

    congratulations Jaden – so excited for you and your column!! your photos always make me want to lick the screen ;-)

  6. Meg

    Congrats! Well done on the column. Um, on the stalker, well… I’m guessing that if you got to choose a sign of success and celebrity, you’d opt for the posh vacation home instead.

  7. Ady

    Jaden you are more and more beautifull than that Lady, congratulation for you column!
    Kisses

  8. Deborah Dowd

    Jaden, that is really great! I think “steamy” is better than “hot” any day! I just had a piece in our local paper and it is a thrill to see your words in print. Congratulations on getting a weekly gig!

  9. coffee

    Jan dear….. grass is always greener on the other side. :) You are doing more than just GREAT!!

  10. Dave Harralson

    Let us know management’s reaction the first time you slip in a “fuck” or “shit” in your Trib column! Yuk, yuk, yuk. :-)

  11. WilD

    Congrats! You deserve it. I’ve tried some of your recipes and they’re ALL really good. Love the food pron photos, too, which inspired me to try to photograph my cooking, too. OH, and thanks for the tip on Artisan Bread in Five Minutes a Day. Got the book…great bread and soooo easy.

  12. Single Guy Chef

    Congrats on your column! I hope you’ll do little summaries for your blog for those of us who don’t get the paper!

    BTW, hope you enjoy working with editors! Quite different than when you could say whatever the F you wanted on your blog huh? ;-)

  13. Diana

    Congratulations! I’m sure you’ll do a wonderful job like you have always been. :)

  14. Wendy Withers

    I hope The Trib doesn’t pull your leash too tight, but if they’re hiring you, they’re headed back in the right direction. You should see about playing with Kevin Walker in the Media General compound.

  15. Beerme

    Congratulations on the new column!
    That stripper ain’t got nuttin’ on you, baby!
    You got it goin’ on! Wish I could check out the weekly column.
    Have fun!

  16. Ivandenaples

    Jaden,

    “Mast head envy” may be a normal part of blogging.

    Getting it..well that’s an over the top wonderful blogging bonus!

    Congratulations!

    Ivan

  17. Rebecca

    Congrats, Jaden! Love your first article-I’ll be looking for the following ones online! Now if you can just turn that Simpson sister voice (should I call you Selma?) into a DOWNLOADABLE song for the iPod, you might make a million bucks like Spitzer’s call girl-and all without turning a trick haha!

  18. defekto

    I was only recently instantly sucked into your wonderful world and I never gave a moments thought as to the state of your breasts. Congratulations!

  19. Arch

    Hi, nice site. I met you at T’s house in SF a few years ago…kinda hard to forget that, lol. Looks like you are doing well and having fun. Take care.

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