Size DOES Matter.

Tampa Tribune


I’m not on the front page, thankfully. But I am in the food section!

Tampa Tribune

This is my debut as a weekly columnist in the Tampa Tribune newspaper! I’ll be in there once a week with a “Steamy Kitchen” column.

Boy, is this ever awkward. I just wrote a “Dear John” letter in Tampa’s Creative Loafing, and I’m here at your doorstep already. Breakups are never easy to do, so I simply told truth: I’m leaving for someone more sophisticated, older and who has a larger masthead.

So what do I say to begin our relationship? Nice to meet you? Hope you like me? I don’t do ironing but I sure fry up a mean Pad Thai? Because you’re stuck with me for awhile, as I’m not the kind of gal that goes begging back to an old boyfriend. I’d rather be flogged with a snappy octopus tentacle than to have to endure the shame of saying, “I’m sorry. Take me back. Masthead size doesn’t really matter.”

Well, here we go. My name is Jaden, I’m the author of the dee-luscious SteamyKitchen.com food blog and an absolute raving lunatic, a.k.a. mother of 2 boys above the age of diapers but under the age of reasonable negotiation. I teach hands-on Asian cooking classes at The Rolling Pin in Brandon, Chef’s Table/MT’s in Sarasota and The Epicurean Culinary Academy in Los Angeles.

You might have seen me in the Trib last summer, where I danced across a 2-page spread in the food section or perhaps you heard me on Jeff Houck’s Table Conversations podcast where for some reason, my voice was warped insanely low. While Jeff sounded like the manly lumberjack in the Brawny paper towel commercial, I ended up like one of Marge Simpson’s chain-smoking sisters. That’s hot.

So, you can definitely say that I’m not your traditional food writer or chef, and terms like “foodie“ and “gourmand of refined taste” make me want to turn around and fake barf on your shoes. Like, gag me with a chopstick, do you really mean that you like eating food that tastes good?

Every week in my column, I’ll share with you a modern Asian recipe that’s fast, fresh and simple enough for tonight’s supper. Of course you also get a drool-worthy photo of the dish, because what good is writing a recipe if I can’t make you want to immediately drop that soggy cheeseburger, lick the ink off the newspaper or the pixels off the screen?

Oh yes, masthead size does matter.

***

hmmmmm…berry berry suspicious…

Stripper Jaden
Stripper Food Pornographer
Lips: MAC Ruby Woo Lips: Maybelline ShinyLicious
Makes $100K+ stripping & dancing Would make about $10 in pity money
if I ever tried pole dancing
House in Hawaii Not
Travels the world getting plastic
surgery with boyfriends money
Needs a boob job badly
Trying to extort money from rich
Papa-san judge
I have an online stalker (oh yes I really do)

***

The recipe for Fried Egg with Oyster Sauce and Chilies is here:

Fried Egg with Oyster Sauce and ChiliesFried Egg with Oyster Sauce and Chilies

Comments 92

  1. Hal

    You’re hotter than the stripper, anyway ;)

    I’m jealous of anyone who can cook for a living. Sure, I enjoy my numbers, spreadsheets, and databases, but it seems so romantic to make your living providing tasty-pleasure to others and satisfying a basic need.

    Then again, as I’m often told, when you make your hobby a living, sometimes you just don’t enjoy it as much. Don’t want to ruin it for myself, then, I guess… Back to accounting for me :(

  2. courtney

    I have tried pole dancing in the gym , and its hard. I would get about $1. Congrats. I see that yummy fried egg with oyster sauce recipe. was published. I have got to make that one day. Online stalkers. How weird. What next…

  3. Frank

    Oooh! I got mentioned in Jaden’s blog!

    Oh, wait…

    :-O

    Do they really let you talk about masthead size in the Trib?

    Congrats!

  4. Toni

    Congratulations, Jaden! Much more fun to cook than to pole dance, I’m sure. And less of a chance to sprain an ankle….

  5. Melinda

    Congratulations on the bigger masthead move. Ooh, which one of us is the stalker or are all of us online fans, a ‘collective noun’ stalker?

  6. argus

    A thousand congrats on the BIG new masthead ‘boyfriend’, Mrs Steamy.
    You’re wa-a-a-a-y hotter than that over-made-up stripper. And I bet you strip beans and bacon better than she can.

    P.S. I didn’t mean to stalk you; I was just reading your blog and admiring your photos. Promise!

  7. mochachocolata rita

    congrats Jadennn….u’re callin’ me a stalker?!!! Officer, i swear to you, i only sent her 1000000000 threatening messages cos she refused to fedex her firecracker shrimps over. i will only send 100000 more messages, i’ll stop, i promise.

    hmm, i can keep the handcuffs tho?

  8. Bkhuna

    Bravo Zulu on the big move (que the Jefferson’s theme….). Aren’t you worried that the paper is going to ask you tone down your writing?
    It’s nice when good things happen to deliciously evil people :)

  9. Donald

    Congratulations Jaden. Maybe you’ll work your way bigger to a large RUNNING HEAD, hmmmm? :-)

    Now, with the new fame and all, are you suggesting erecting a pole in your basement? Photos are a must…I have $10 in ones. I’ll do the Pac-Man Jones and “make it rain!!!”

  10. Meena

    This is so great Jaden! I do hope you will posts your columns on your blog as well for us to read. Congrats and keep up the wonderful work! :)

  11. Jessica

    Awesome! Congrats. I love how your column sounds just like your blog in tone. That rocks!

  12. veron

    Wooh, congratulations Jaden! Now we are not only sisters-in-blog but sisters -in-company!

  13. joanne

    Hey Congrats to you. Size does matter!

    That front page got me thinking. I was cleaning out my old emails last night and ran across this link http://www.alllooksame.com/ It was sent to me by my cousin. Growing up in the SF area you would think our spouses would be able to tell the differences. We’ve come to the conclusion we are married to dumb ‘low faans’.

  14. Suji

    I cannot believe you outed me ;);)

    Congratulations :). Now please name that dish after me as you promised because you are a celebrity chef ( without a big head) :):)

  15. kristine

    tried the egg recipe and it was yummy. Then tried it the next morning with a balsamic reduction… very good as well!

  16. finsbigfan

    Congrats Jaden–good job!!! Hope the big masthead doesn’t stiffle your “way with words”. And yes, yes size does matter. Go get ‘em!!!

  17. Janet

    Fantastic! Well done and Bravo – So well deserved!

    I LOVE the line about your being the mother of 2 boys above the age of diapers but under the age of reasonable negotiation – I am too, although mine are 20 and 17!

    Did the no knead bread again this weekend and it was Perfect again!

    Continued success to you,

    Janet

  18. katy

    Congratulations!!! I have several relatives in Tampa — I will tell them to look for your column!!! and i think you are better off than the stripper, even with a stalker (i got a marriage proposal based on a blog post once — and not from my real fiance!)

  19. cindy

    conratulations on your new gig, jaden! they will love you too. hopefully your ‘naughtiness’ will be allowed to come through as well! even if not, the food is wonderful enough!

  20. Simply...Gluten-free

    Woo Hoo, your own stalker – way to go. Oh and congrats on the Trib gig, since I live in the Tampa Bay area I will be able to read your column, thanks for giving me a reason to buy a newspaper.

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