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I can pick up raw peanuts with my toes and fling them pretty far…

Got this in my email inbox today:

FOOD NETWORK IS LOOKING FOR AMAZING STORIES FOR A GROUNDBREAKING NEW SERIES!!!

Do you or someone you know have an amazing food related story to tell? Do you know someone who has gone from being homeless to the owner of their own restaurant, makes pop art out of pineapples, or eats nothing but peanuts? Do you know someone who is battling food fears or phobias? Has food helped to cure an illness, changed the course of your life, or helped to inspire you in some dramatic way? We are looking for all types of stories even those that are odd or humorous to feature on and upcoming series for the Food Network.

Casting is underway, so Email a brief description of your story with your contact information and picture of yourself ASAP to [email protected] or call 646.XXX-XXXX to be considered for the show. [edit: email me if you want the phone number...i left it out so poor michael raptis wouldn't be inundated with phone calls from silly blog readers!]

Oh my. Has Food Network run out of show ideas??

My dear readers, I want to hear about your strange/odd/nasty/disgusting food story. The type of stuff that may require therapy. Wouldn’t it be funny if the show will include an “intervention” to HEAL THY FOOD DEMONS INSIDE! ;-)

But tell me! Post some funny show ideas!

Comments 31

  1. amyjo smith

    wow – can we just take photos of every kid in the neighborhood dining at our house in the middle of the living room floor – eating foods they DON’T EVEN LIKE – just for the sake of being included in the chaos?? :D

    last week we fed the poor lil’ buggers sauteed onion, and cooked tomatoes – because they heard SHRIMP was involved…(there were shrimp – but they had to eat the whole mess to get the shrimp :) )

  2. Lilie

    My girls and hubby have those monkey toes too. They can pick up things with them.

    Hubby has a texture problem with tomatoes and mushrooms. He will eat tomatoe sauce & etc but NOT fresh tomatoes. He won’t eat mushrooms in any form. He picks the ones out of the cream of mushroom soup.

  3. Kitt

    Gee, I’ve had some food disasters (the Thanksgiving turkey that was still frozen solid), food adventures (silkworms, real Sichuan hotpot, many of my own kitchen experiments) and the occasional moment of absolute food disgust (soft-shelled crabs at the New York Stock Exchange when I was 14). But I don’t know that any of them would be all that filmable.

    I’ve never seen the Food Network, so I guess it doesn’t really matter!

  4. Carla

    Okay, I’m a lurker most of the time, but this is too good to pass up. I have no great food stories, but I have often thought of you as the perfect person to host an asian themed show since it’s been a while since they’ve had one.

    Secondly, I got an email from the magazine Cuisine at Home asking for ideas for upcoming magazines. Isn’t they why these people hire staff, to do this stuff for them? Or do they now resort to asking so they don’t have to pay people. Kind of pitiful.

    Thirdly, when I read his email I saw…[email protected] not [email protected]. But I was just lazily skimming. Okay…time to get out of this stuffy house! Did I really just say all that out loud? Back to lurking….

  5. LunaPierCook

    Aaron did use 1/4 cup salt in a peach cobbler instead of 1/4 teaspoon. He was totally upset, teary-eyed, and argued when I told him I could make him smile. So I did, hollering “Adam!! Want some peach cobbler???” Adam ran to me from the basement, opened his mouth, and I rapidly put in a huge spoonful. Aaron burst out laughing as Adam’s whole face puckered up. Finally, Adam mumbled, “Ah haf t’ go t’ th’ bafrmm …”, ran in there, slammed the door, and we could here him spitting it into the toilet. Oh yeah, a good time was had by all! Oh, excpet for Adam … ;-)

  6. RB

    Ummm, my college roomie once threw up pizza after getting drunk and ended up with a mushroom stuck in her nose. Yeah, ick, I know.

  7. Donald

    Nothing was funnier to my new girlfriend back in the day when I was culinarily challenged than me making bacon on the stovetop naked.

  8. amber

    I once accidentally ate cat food thinking it was an exotic luncheon meat.

  9. mochachocolata rita

    1. i eat all of KFC spicy flour coating, including:
    – the last tiniest little piece
    – leftover from my friends’ chickens
    – my friends hand over their KFC chicken skin to me, so that i could peel the flour coating off the skin and eat them

    2. when i was still a super poor student, i went to TGI Friday (which was considered a MAJOR splurge), ordered shrimps (5 pcs came) and dropped 1 on the floor. I picked it off the floor and ate it

    3. “someone” has to arrange her leftover food, especially bones (of ribs or chicken or fish or watever) super neatly on the plate…parallel to each other or she’s gonna FREAK

    we’re perfectly normal, arent we? *denial*

  10. Barry

    Oh, Food Network, where is your brand? Although it’s really no surprise from the network that brought you Sandra Dee. And “groundbreaking”? Wow, now that’s a stretch.

    I have to admit, food HAS change my life. I went from leeching nutrients off my mother in the womb to a fully functioning adult that prepares and eats on my own. Yea me! (what do you mean that’s not a “story”?!)

  11. Cris

    I’d like to see Rachel Ray have to make a thirty minute meal from what is ACTUALLY in my fridge and not what a staff of 10 has put there for her. Hmmmm … How ’bout it? Food Network personality is thrown into a random house and has to cook dinner from what real people have in their house. They lose points if they have to do the dishes first in order to get to the stove.

  12. Kathy

    Hi Lilie (post no. 4 above) and everyone

    I have those monkey paws too!!! Seriously, I am officially diagnosed as having ‘Joint Hypermobility Syndrome’ – fingers and toes, spine (great fun – discs move out of place when they shouldn’t – OUCH and weeks of incapacity), wrists, knees, ankles, you name it – the whole body pretty much. I could probably twirl spaghetti and eat the lot (complete with bolognaise sauce) with my feet. And grate the Reggiano to go on top.

    And NO. I am NOT going to volunteer to come over to the States for that nutty sounding weirdo show! Thank God for our BBC and some sense of sanity! Only in America…… (but I do love your Extreme Home Makeover programme….wicked…you really are a crazy lot, but we love you).

  13. Christine D.

    I’ve been through a few dental procedures that required me to stay on a liquid or soft foods diet for a few days. When I first got braces in elementary school, my teeth were so sore that even chewing pasta would hurt. So…I took some Stouffer’s lasagna and milk, put them into a blender and made a lasagna smoothie!! It was so friggin delicious after eating only soups and fruit smoothies for days.

    I’ve made the same thing (sometimes with manicotti) when I had a couple of other major teeth extractions too, and I’d do it again!

  14. Anita

    So it’s not about me, but about my long-lost twin. My name is Anita but when I was younger I could only say “Tita” and the name stuck. A friend of mine was reading an indian newspaper and discovered this 400 lb. guy who would go to restaurants and eat their entire stores of food for the day. His nickname? Tita. Which in his regional dialect apparently means “monster eater.” Compelling, as I am the only one I know who can eat two Chipotle burritos in one sitting. Sad news though–a month after Tita decided to cut back and eat healthily, he died of cardiovascular issues. Put me off Chipotle forever.

  15. Kirk

    What’s the deal with Asian’s and their toes? I’d be sitting on the floor or couch; and say something that would tick off my Mom…..and She’d pinch me with her toes…man it hurt like hell, and sometimes left bruises….

  16. iron stef

    I went to a catholic gradeschool, and for St. Patrick’s day, all the food was green-colored…green mashed potatoes, green bread, green jello…I don’t remember the exact food items, truthfully…just that it was all green. I only remember this because a igrl puked in church later that day and it was a quite bright shade of green. it was awesome!

    and since i’ve ventured to the scary-colored vomit realm… there’s those times I’ve drank too much red wine and the resulting porcelain worshipping sessions resemble that scene from the Shining where a torrent of blood rushes through the hallway… but that’s not a specific one-time story, now is it?

  17. Maven

    I’m having a love affair with black rice.
    First it was Chinese black, now Thai glutinous black…I fear it’s escalating.
    It started innocently enough at a Vietnamese market north of Dallas Tx. I was hunting for simple brown sushi rice (I know, sushi rice is white, but you can do it with brown) I saw such exotic delicacies like Thai red rice & green bamboo rice in addition to jasmine and basimati. I had to give them a try.
    A websearch gave me coconut black rice pudding, so I gave it a try. Nice, nothing remarkable. But then something strange happened overnight. I was expressing milk for my son so his wonderful red neck daddy can enjoy those 3am feedings while mom catches some sleep, and within 6 hours of eating the pudding my output doubled! I waited and tried it again the next day. Same result, over 101 floz in a 24hr period.
    Is this an ancient secret or something??
    I now feel like one of my dairy goats, but the baby’s milk supply is secure..

  18. Kathy

    Hi Kirk – in answer to your question above, research shows that Hypermobility is seen more often in Asians than in most other races (like for instance Caucasians). It is to do with connective tissue (lax ligaments). Amazing what you learn on ‘Steamy Kitchen’ eh?! I have Hypermobility Syndrome myself (but am not Asian).

  19. Zenchef

    Well, at one point in my life i was a beach bum in Hawaii stealing pineapples from the Dole plantations to survive. Last week, i cooked for someone in the Forbes top 10 richest people in the world. Does that qualify? haha.

  20. Mal Carne

    Well, I was homeless for a short time when I started culinary school – now I own my own business (Yes, there you have it, a true american success story! meh..)

    I onced cooked for Jesse Helms and Ron Jeremy, who were at opposite ends of the dining room.

  21. chadzilla

    Here’s my disgusting food story…
    It’s called ‘post-katrina’ clean-up of commercial hotel walk-in coolers.
    Imagine opening the door to a walk-in refrigerator 2 weeks after the hurricane and loss of power, sweltering heat, flies the size of humming birds. The first time we opened the big door (with a professional clean-up team behind me), you could hear the gush of air movement as the crack in the door released a cloud of rotten ammonia so foul that 8 grown men had to turn their heads and shield their faces as though someone had just opened the Ark of the Covenant. The inside clean-up was worse. Have you ever seen meat melt… this was far beyond the normal stages of food degradation. Going from rancid, to rotten, to food for parasites, to a complete break-down of the matter itself… dripping out of the plastic garbage bags it was thrown into. Protected with little more than rubber boots, a garbage bag over the body with holes ripped out for the arms and head, and only one of those dust masks over your mouth and nose imagine the many levels of disgusting rot you must remove before bleaching down every inch of the coolers (I am using the plural because we actually cleaned about 10 coolers in our hotel following the aftermath). Imagine waking up in the morning and that smell is still lingering in your nostrils as well as visions of maggots… you simply cannot remove yourself from it. The only thing that allows you to eat afterwards is the ultimate pull of true hunger… not the kind brought on by a healthy appetite, but pure eat or die hunger.
    The bright side to going through something so hideously grostesque as that, is that I feel a strong sense of confidence that I will probably never in my life have to go through that again. As a chef, we deal with foods that spoil on a regular basis. We check meats, poultry, and fish. Sometimes they turn and the smell of rancidity takes hold. These smells are nothing to me anymore… I have been to the hell of rotten food and these little demons are only peons in the hierarchy of nastiness. I laugh in their face.
    Sorry, no pictures for Food Network… my camera battery died beforehand and my charger was lost to the flood. The creative visuals will have to suffice.

  22. Susan G

    The peach cobbler story reminded me of Aunt Mildred: She needed sugar to bake a cake, borrowed from a neighbor…but what she got was mistakenly salt! Another time she washed a teapot with a cake of kosher soap (for washing dishes). The next time they drank tea it had a funny taste: a knob of soap was left in the spout. She loved to tell these stories, died a few years ago after 104 years.

  23. Vinny

    When my daughter was teething, we used to get her zwiebacks or arrowroot cookies to chew on. I’d be holding her and she’d chew/gum one until thit was half gone and semi-soggy, then say, “Here, Daddy!” and jam the rest of it into my mouth. We used to call them, “Daddy cookies”. Its a good thing I really like zwiebacks.

  24. We Are Never Full

    food network ran out of ideas in about 2000/2001 when they hired rachel ray and sandra lee to start leading the way for the future of the cruddy station. this is just ridiculous. they haven’t given me a reason to watch since the quietly let go of mario. alton brown is all that’s left! someone needs to help america by giving that station a real culinary make-over!

  25. rita

    hi! i hope i’m not too late on this. when i was a kid, i used to like fried spam and peanut butter sandwich. i know. it’s disgusting. don’t ask me how i came up with that concoction. i can’t eat that anymore. for one thing, among the list of my allergies that i have under the sun, that includes the sun (i get sun poisoning) – nuts (all sorts) is one of my top nemesis.

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