If only I had packed…

While I love being on vacation, I really really super hate packing.

I’m the paranoid sort, and since having children, the disease has gotten worse. I hate being unprepared so I end up packing EVERYTHING.

Abnormal weather patterns? I’ve stuffed an umbrella, snow parka, sunscreen and a down comforter right here in my bag.

Chance of filleting a fish in the desert? My handy mini fish scaler in my back pocket.

Stuck in an elevator for 3 hours with a snotty, snifflin’ kid? Bring it on, baby. My antibacteria dispenses from a 5-inch hose.

This drives Scott totally crazy. He’s trying to pack, re-pack, sort through, throw things out shuffle and balance this idiotic 50-pound baggage weight limit, while I’m running like a mad woman around the house looking for more random-just-in-case things to sneak in the bag when he’s not looking.

Oh, while I’m on the subject, what’s up with all these shitty airline fees these days? $25 to check in a bag? $7 fee for human help? It’s getting quite ridiculous, and I have a feeling that if we don’t pipe up and stop this nonsense before we know it, we’ll be getting ding’d for using the airvent wind-tunnel over your seat that always seems to blow too hard and too cold or worse yet, getting charged per inch of seat belt that you use. If that’s not a good reason to diet, I don’t know what is. Suck that stomach in!

So, while my bags are bulging, stuffed to the hilt, I glance over at my kids and they are doing the same with their suitcase. Batmobile, 48 Matchbox cars, foam dartboard, Darth Vader, snorkel, rain boots, stuffed animals, a bag of Chex Mix, ninja dress-up suit, karaoke set, one kneepad and even a broken wireless mouse was tossed in. Lucky me that Scott hid the duct tape and kitchen timer the night before, otherwise we might have been detained at the security checkpoint for suspicious McGyver-ish contents.

Because traveling with these three clowns arouses enough suspicion.

club-med-punta-cana-165 club-med-punta-cana-112

Despite thinking that I packed for every known situation, there were two that I missed.

One was “what if my kids wanted to climb a tree?”

club-med-punta-cana-200 club-med-punta-cana

Totally forgot the pulley.

During our week stay at Club Med Punta Cana, the kids participated in their Mini Club, which is like a kids camp but better. Instead of learning sissy activities such as making pottery or fingerpainting, the counselors (or G.O.’s as they are called) taught the kids fabulous tricks…

like pick pocketing:


hula hooping:

and put on a kid show to entertain the adults:


Like any proud parent, I was right there at the end to video tape my shining stars.

Until I was foiled:

1

Okay, fine. I’ll move:

2

Well shit! Stop moving in front of me!

3

I will move again. Now STAY mister! Do not cross the line.

4

5

And that’s the moment that I regretted not bringing along my 4-inch stilettos…even though an extra 4-inches taller might not have made a difference in this case, it would have been useful to use that heel to pin the guy down….either that or comb his hair.

***

Winner of the Zojirushi Rice Cooker

Steamy Kitchen Giveaway zojirushi

As promised, I’m giving away a fancy $289 Zojirushi Rice Cooker to one of my email newsletter subscribers.

There’s something I learned in this Steamy Giveaway. You guys like free stuff. Let me re-phrase…you guys like EXPENSIVE SHIT.

Something else I learned, many of you are upset that I didn’t include RSS subscribers in this giveaway. The hate emails that I got! Man, you guys are a bunch of whiners.

Okay, on to announcing the winner, as chosen by the lovely random number generator from the pool of newsletter subscribers. The winner is….saregardner@___.com! Congrats to you – I will be emailing you shortly.

Comments 23

  1. Dawn in CA

    I always carry matches in my purse… even though I don’t smoke. You know, in case I get trapped somewhere and need to build a fire for warmth, or boil water for drinking, or cook that wild animal I just caught with my bare hands, or… any number of things that might happen in suburban No. Cal. where I spend most of my time. Okay, so I may have been influenced by SurvivorMan just a bit too much…

    you are almost as paranoid as I am!!! ~jaden

  2. Dana McCauley

    I either completely over pack or seriously underpack. I can never hit it right! I used to travel with a few essential kitchen tools but now the airlines are so strict that I don’t bring my own knives when I’m vacationing somewhere that cooking is an option. Sigh. We don’t always progress, that’s for sure.
    Oops, should have added good post! Waiting for the next post!

    They almost confiscated my knitting needles!~jaden

  3. Kirsten

    I think you and your family had a wonderful vacation. And by the way: I hate packing suitcases as well. But one day, I will say to my daughter and my son: “So, guys, it’s your turn now. YOU want to travel, so YOU have to pack your stuff alone!” This will happen – I think – around 2019…

  4. rita

    girl, what am i gonna do with you? you are too much! you crack me up! :D

  5. Kim

    Awww… your boys look so cute! And you just crack me up with the over packing story. My best friend does the same thing. One weekend trip and she packs 4 pairs of sandals, 2 types of heels, 6 outfits, 4 bathing suits, a pack of wooden spoons, and a cheese grater. Meanwhile, I’m definitely the one that packs 3 sets of clothes for a 2 week thing. I’d rather be underpacked and give myself the excuse to go shopping!

  6. Barry

    sis⋅sy
    /ˈsɪsi/ [sis-ee] plural -sies, adjective –noun
    1. an effeminate boy or man.
    2. a timid or cowardly person.
    3. a little girl.

    okay…

  7. Marysol

    I always enjoy seeing your adorable little men. As you know, I also have my very own tree-climber, and I can’t ever seem to pack enough shtuff for my little simian, when we go on vacation.

    Anyway, I’m glad you and your tribe had your fun in the sun.
    Don’t forget your stilettos next time you travel. And if you still can’t rise above future Baldilocks blocking your view, you could at least throw them shoes at him. The fine art of shoe-tossing is not just for former presidents anymore.

    Oh, and a big congratulations to the winner of the expensive rice cooker.

  8. Shimmergirl

    I’ve been a lurker for sometime on this site, but this post had me cracking up and crawling out of the woodwork! I like that your posts are always entertaining as well as instructional. Would have loved getting that Zojirushi rice cooker, but German customs officers are quite zealous in their tax-levying duties so although I love freebies ( who doesn’t?), I didn’t mind passing up on that one.Just keep the posts coming even while on holiday!

    well thank you honey! thx for coming out of hiding… ~jaden

  9. Agnes

    Hilarious!
    I had the same problem about packing .. always wanted to bring everything, which is not so handy because I am so small.
    Within 2 weeks I am going to Tampa for a conference (YAY!!) and I am now panicking about what should I bring. I’ve never been to US before!!

    You’ll love Tampa! Bring warm clothes and very light jacket for mornings. Sunglasses! ~jaden

  10. Diana

    Hah! I’m the same way, I get it from my mother. I always want a knife on me and it’s come in very handy several times. I love how proud you are in the hula hooping video :)

    sadly airlines no likey when i pack my chefs knives…~j

  11. Rick

    My wife is so excited we are about to take our daughter to Disney World. We leave in one week. She packed all our stuff last week.

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