Why did the chicken cross the road???

Chicken

This has got to be one of the funniest posts here at Steamy Kitchen….just read the reader comments to the question of how do you think food celebs would answer this question:

Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road?

BARACK OBAMA:
The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a CHANGE! The chicken wanted CHANGE!

JOHN MC CAIN:
My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road.

HILLARY CLINTON:
When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little chicken to cross the road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified to ensure — right from Day One! — that every chicken in this country gets the chance it deserves to cross the road. But then, this really isn’t about me…….

DR. PHIL:
The problem we have here is that this chicken won’t realize that he must first deal with the problem on ‘THIS’ side of the road before it goes after the problem on the ‘OTHER SIDE’ of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he’s acting by not taking on his ‘CURRENT’ problems before adding ‘NEW’ problems.

OPRAH:
Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I’m going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.

GEORGE W. BUSH:
We don’t really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our
side of the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.

COLIN POWELL:
Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the
road…

ANDERSON COOPER – CNN:
We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the
other side of the road.

JOHN KERRY:
Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken’s intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.

NANCY GRACE:
That chicken crossed the road because he’s GUILTY! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.

PAT BUCHANAN:
To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.

MARTHA STEWART:
No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer’s Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.

DR SEUSS:
Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I’ve not been told.

GRANDPA:
In my day we didn’t ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.

BARBARA WALTERS:
Isn’t that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart-warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its life-long dream of crossing the road.

ARISTOTLE:
It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

JOHN LENNON:
Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace.

BILL GATES:
I have just released eChicken2009, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your check book. Internet Explorer is an integral part of the Chicken. This new platform is much more stable and will never cra………… Reboot.

ALBERT EINSTEIN:
Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?

BILL CLINTON:
I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What is your definition of chicken?

COLONEL SANDERS:
Did I miss one?

DICK CHENEY:
Where’s my gun?

AL SHARPTON:
Why are all the chickens white? We need some black chickens.

Chicken Keep this joke alive!!! Gimmee some good answers! Chairman Kaga, David Lebovitz? Chris Kimball? Emeril? Sandra Lee? Al Roker? Giada? Duff Goldman? Cat Cora? Tyler Florence? Nigella Lawson? Marc Summer? Chiarello? Myth Busters? Zimmern? Harold McGee? Galloping Gourmet? Amateur Gourmet? Katie Lee Joel? Padma? Ted Allen? Rocco? The Ronco infomercial dude?

Comments 71

  1. Jeff

    Anthony Bourdain: “To get away from Rachael Ray.”

    Alton Brown: That’s not a chicken, it’s a domesticated fowl likely descended from the wild Indian and southeast Asian Red Junglefowl (Gallus gallus) and the related Grey Junglefowl (G. sonneratii).

  2. SpecialEd

    Alton Brown: “Because the scientific process that has to take place to ensure a truly tender chicken can only happen on the other side of the road”!

    Anthony Bourdain: “To have a ciggarette.”

    Emeril: “To kick it up a notch… bam!”

    Bobby Flay: “Because that’s where the grill is.”

    Rachel Ray: “To go to KFC cause thats the only way you’re gonna get a cooked bird in 30 minutes or less!

    Paula Deen: “Cause that’s where the buttah and sugah is y’all!”

  3. Rachel

    Too cute! Love both Bourdain comments.

    Mario Batali: “because that is the tradition of our Italian ancestors.”

    Sandra Lee: “to gather items for this fabulous tablescape.”

    Gordon Ramsay: “Why did the chicken cross the road? I don’t f*^$ing give a s#%^ why the chicken crossed the damn road. Now p*ss off.”

    Stumbled!

  4. Helene

    To get to me, ’cause I was waiting with knife and fork for this wonderful Jaden Hair chicken on the other side of the road!

  5. Holly

    I have absolutely nothing clever to say here. Just thanks for a great laugh! I have to hear the chicken joke at least 22 times per day from the crazy four year old who is trying to learn how to tell jokes. His version for now?

    To get to the other web swinging they are building beside the boat.

    Yeah, it’s not pretty or funny – nor does it even make sense. Oh, and did I mention he does this over and over and it is never the same answer. Now, pity me. (He is still a cute little stinker though – this just is NOT his best joke!)

  6. Ann

    Sandra Lee: To get to the coffee store, where it could grab an EXpresso and a biscuit with MARScapone. (What is WITH her mispronunciation of everything sacred in the food world – does no one edit her program?)

    Great post!

  7. mimi

    oh. frickin. goodness!! thank you jaden, because no i have not heard this joke before but i love love love it, and it was just what i needed to cheer myself up. i wish i had some clever witty chicken comeback, but i’ll think of one!

  8. velops

    Donald Trump: “When it comes to chickens, I raise the world’s best chickens. My fantastic chickens are carefully selected from those that survived from crossing the road. They are the best tasting, most flavorful chickens you have ever eaten and are certified 100% organic. These restaurant quality birds can only be bought at the Sharper Image store. It’s gonna be huge! Not satisfied with your Trump chicken? You’re fired.”

    Jack LaLanne: “It’s how you can tell it’s fresh. Within a chicken is the secret to eternal youth and vitality. With my Power Juicer, all you have to do is juice the whole chicken, using the beak, claws, feathers and all to extract the maximum nutritional value.”

  9. Sowjanya

    Can I just do you? Please don’t be mad ;)

    Jaden hair: Yo Chicken, if you don’t like me to roast you with salt and pepper, I can use some Sizchuan peppercorns and malden salt on you. If you still insist on crossing, go ahead, Dr. BBQ is right next door waiting to grill ya!

  10. The Survival Gourmet

    Rachel Ray: Because the road is covered in EVOO! Yummo!!

    Andrew Zimmerman: Because the street vendor on the other side had some stink fruit and some bugs on a stick.

    DrBBQ: Because there were two cute chicks on the other side.

  11. Ed

    Chairman Kaga: Because the yellow bell pepper really was not my first choice…

    Yes, chicken.

    If memory serves me right, there is a saying among the Balinese who have discerning palates when it comes to chicken: “Make sure the chicken butt says fifteen thousand.”

    That is, a whole chicken should cost 30,000 rupiah. The majority of the body is worth 15,000 they say, so where does the other 15,000 come from. Well, that lies in the chicken’s butt. They say that you should blow gently on its butt and make sure that it looks like it’s saying “fifteen” (thousand) in Balinese, “molas”. If it does, then the chicken butt, nay, the whole chicken is of excellent quality.”

    So, be sure to remember, “Make sure the chicken butt says fifteen thousand.”

  12. mochachocolata rita

    me: The chicken felt extremely offended as Rita only ate the deep fried flour coating of her KFC fried chicken. What a crispist! Thus, chicken crossed the road to lawyer’s office to sue on grounds of discrimination

  13. Laurie

    Paula Abdul;
    “When you open up your beak to cackle, thereís something very, very soothing about your unique sound, and itís like a breath of fresh air, and itís like, ahh, I love that cackling, and itís different from any other cluck in the competition, so keep on going, get on out to the other side of the street and give us your best! And by the way, your plumage is just fabulous!!.

  14. kate

    paula Abdul … rush rush , hurry hurry , birdie come to me !
    Nicely done chicken Jaden , even colours and perfectly intact skin. Gr8 job !

  15. argus

    I’m smiling so hard my cheeks (facial) hurt.

    Jamie Oliver: “There must be some pukka fresh chicken food on the other side. *lisp* Always use 100 per cent fresh ingredients and scrunch them up finger stylie.”

    Confucius: “To worship its ancestors on the other side. They died in the last continental roast.”

    Lame, I know, but it’s a rainy Wednesday morning.

  16. Keith

    Gordon Ramsay: “It wasn’t a chicken, it was a donkey … and it’s moving to f**king slow… oh’ would you look at you…. you just burned the Wellington!”

  17. Tracey

    Myth Busters: “We’re doing a revisit of the Chicken Cannon myth and we need new chickens!”

    “Why did the chicken cross the road in 17 seconds? It knows what Martin Yan can do in 18!”

    (I go off and have a baby and your whole site changes! It looks wonderful!)

  18. Peggasus

    Ryan Seacrest: We’ll find out why the chicken crossed the road…..after the break.

    Al Roker: The chicken wanted to see what it was like in YOUR neck of the woods.

    Chris Kimball: I’m sure most of the people liked the chicken that crossed the road, but I like the one that stayed on this side.

  19. Sara, Ms. Adventures in Italy

    Sorry I had to come back and add in some web 2.0 answers:

    Facebook: So he could Superpoke his friend back on his Superwall.

    Twitter: Because there was “something wrong” with that side of the road and it was temporarily over capacity.

  20. SpecialEd

    David Lebovitz: “To get the Pefect Scoop!”

    David Lebovitz: “Because dessert was being served.”

    David Lebovitz: “Because the other side of the road was Belgium and the chocolate is sooo much better there.”

    David Lebovitz: “Because the French Bureaucracy was sooo slow.”

  21. Ed

    Hirano Masaaki, Rosanjin scholar: I have discovered something. This chicken probably crossed the road because it wanted to experience tasting its grain with a bit of fantasy.

  22. Ed

    Kishi Asako, food critic: It needs more salt – how unfortunate.

    Hosoki Kazuko, fortune teller: I disagree with you, Kishi-san. It’s because the chicken can get a sexier flavor from the other side of the road. It’s just plain sexy.

  23. Betty

    Spock: Captian Kirk – it is not logical for a chicken to need to cross the road.

    Bones: Spock who cares if it’s not logical, we need to eat the chicken.

    Sulu: Captain, the chicken can cross the road in warp speed.

    Uhura: Captain, I’m getting a transmission, the chicken is about to cross the road.

    Captain Kirk: Scottie – beam me across the road.

    Klingons: That Captain Kirk – take the chicken before he gets it!

    Jaden – love the blog!!!!

  24. Jennifer Jeffrey

    Jaden – I am SCREAMING with laughter. This is fabulous!

    And since it’s Wednesday – which can only mean TOP CHEF – I had to add these:

    Tom Colicchio: I have serious doubts about whether this chicken is going to make it to the next round. I don’t know what it had in mind when it walked to the other side of the road, when the instructions clearly stated that it needed to stay on this side in order to be a contender, but this is a serious problem.

    Spike: Dude, did you see how that chicken totally disrespected me? Walking to the other side of the road like that! Chicken thinks it’s all that. What-ever.

    Padma Lakshmi: Chicken, please pack your knives and go to the other side of the road.

  25. Manofwy

    Mythbusters –
    Jamie: We are out to prove once and for all if it is plausible that a chicken can cross a road.

    Adam: and we will only use 3 tons of dynamite to simulate the quake needed to motivate the chicken to cross the road.

  26. Miss Attitude

    Sarah Jessica Parker: Because it didn’t want to be worn in my hat.

    — Okay not as funny as the other ones, but thanks for today’s laugh!

  27. warren

    Sandra Lee: With a few techniques and some store-bought ingredients, everyone will think the chicken crossed the road.

    Food Chemist: To get to the separatory flask.

    Food Microbiologist: To understand why the chicken crossed the road we’ll need to consider factors such as Aw, pH and thermal abuse. Use of aseptic packaging for future chickens should significantly slow their progress across the road.

  28. June

    Jennifer Jeffrey has me laughing with the Top Chef comments. This is hilarious.
    Ina Garten would say : Walk across the road to the other side How easy is that!!

  29. Single Guy Chef

    Tyler Florence: “Because it was the ultimate way to get to the other side.”

    Alice Waters: “Because crossing the road is the shortest distance to the dinner table instead of shipping food from across the country. Eat local!”

    Ming Tsai: “Because ginger and green onions were waiting on the other side.”

  30. Chris

    Yoda: Always in motion, the chicken is.
    Darth Vader: No, Luke, I am your chicken; cross the road. You do not know the power of the dark… meat
    R2 D2: *beep beep* chicken *beep*
    C-3P0: Oh, Master Luke, the chicken is crossing the road!
    Jar Jar Binks: Weesa saw da chicken crossin the roadsa

  31. mirinblue

    Michael Ruhlman: (sorry Michael) The chicken crossed the road to perfect the basic element of being a chicken!

    (NOTE: see also) The Life of a Chicken, The Soul of a Chicken and The Reach of a Chicken.

  32. Jescel

    Chris’ take on Star wars is funny…. have no witty remark from me, but this post is hilarious… thanks, Jaden.

  33. shelley

    Christian Siriano: “That chicken didn’t just walk across the road, that hot, tranny mess totally WORKED IT across that road! Fierce!

    Nigella Lawson: Just feast your eyes upon this gorgeously plump, delightfully feathered chicken! Note the way it steps and pecks, ever so carefully, on those plump legs, as it nears its ultimate goal: a singularly enticing spring strawberry, bursting with ripeness and sticky sweetness.

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