Suspicious criminal activity of is happening right under my roof!  We entertain about once a week, usually for a weekend supper where we invite our close friends over and treat them to a massive feast.

They all know the routine.  When I am finished with a dish, no touching until I get a photograph.  With seafood, I make the photo shoot super-quick so that we can eat the dish while it’s still hot.

::snap::
::snap::

and I’m done.

I’ve had to make Steamed Mussels in Lemongrass Coconut Curry no less than 4 times in the past 2 months. Each time, when I review the photos the next day, the shots are terrible…the exposure is all off, the mussels are out of focus and the whites turn out gray.

My friends know that since my husband doesn’t like seafood, I will most likely serve Steamed Mussels in Lemongrass Coconut Curry when we are entertaining.  They know that I really really want to post this recipe because it’s one of my favorites, even the best restaurants can’t produce flavors like mine….and that I won’t post the dish unless the photograph passes the “drool-worthy” test.

These are well-known facts.

Even this morning, when I reviewed all the photos from last night, the photos came out funky. Everything had a blue-ish hue to it!

Hmmmmm…..something FISHY going on here   ::cue Mission Impossible theme song::

Come to think of it….my friends last night devoured the mussels as if this was the best thing that ever happened to seafood.  As if mussels were born to be bathed in the exotic flavors of lemongrass, coconut milk and Thai curry.  As if my friends savored the dish with familiarity…like when you go to your favorite restaurant and order your favorite dish every time…  I also observed a silent smugness amongst them.

Strange. Sussssspicious!!

Its a conspiracy!  Someone is messing with my camera settings so that I take a crap photo so that I MUST make this dish again so that I MUST invite my friends over so that they can eat Steamed Mussels with Lemongrass Coconut Curry over and over and over again!!!  EEEEEKK!!!!!

Well….I’m on to them!!!    So I’m publishing this recipe, even though the photo doesn’t meet my standards.  Out of the handful of snaps, this was the ONLY one that was in focus.  But you can’t even see the Lemongrass Coconut Curry broth!  The best part of the dish is the sauce, and my friends, you can’t see it so therefore you will just have to imagine the flavors in your mind.

Secrets to Steamed Mussels with Lemongrass Coconut Curry

So I’ll share the secrets to this dish with you AND hopefully my friends are reading this so that they too can make this dish at home and not have to resort to suspicious sabotage again.  Really, its a VERY simple dish with few ingredients.  The entire dish from start to finish takes less than 30 minutes. The hardest part was finding the can opener that I accidentally misplaced last week after unsucessfully whacking a coconut with it.

Secret #1:  Clam Juice
Instead of making a standard Thai curry sauce, I wanted it to be more “broth-like” - chicken broth would be too chicken-y, vegetable broth would be too vegetable-y, and water would be to water-y. Clam juice was the perfect solution.  To create a fragrant broth, I added grated lemongrass and let the two reduce down so that I ended up with a concentrated lemongrass-infused broth.  Use a microplane/rasp grater to grate the white parts of the lemongrass stalk (the bottom 6″)  If you don’t have access to fresh lemongrass, come over over to my house where the stuff practically grows like weeds in my yard.  If you don’t live within 60 mile radius of my home, visit an Asian market or substitute with lemon peel.  Take a lemon and a vegetable peeler.  Peel just the outermost layer of skin (not the white part) - get about 4 large wide strips.  Use that instead of the lemongrass. Just remove and discard the strips when the broth is reduced.  The photo above only shows 1 bottle of clam juice - but please use 2 bottles (I had already opened and poured one bottle out when “aha! maybe I should take a photo of the ingredients!”

To find clam juice - go to aisle with canned seafood…tuna, sardines, etc. It usually is there. It’s most commonly used in Italian Linguine with Clams Sauce dish.  If your regular supermarket doesn’t carry clam juice - try an Italian specialty market, or substitute with 1/2 cup white wine + 1/2 cup veg broth.

Secret #2:  The Coconut Milk
At your supermarket, you’ll probably find a few different brands of coconut milk.  Don’t bother reading the labels. Pick up each can, shake it.  If it sloshes with lots and lots of liquid, put it back.  Buy the one that sounds and feels solid and heavy. This is by far the simplest way to judge a good quality, first pressing, fatty coconut milk.  The lesser quality brands contain diluted coconut milk or they use multiple pressings, which results in very little flavor.  You might be tempted to buy the “light” version, but please don’t. In this dish, you will only use 1 can, divided amongst 4-6 people…so really, you aren’t consuming that many calories.  The best brand I’ve found is a Thai brand for 89 cents and Thai Kitchen (above in lg photo) at double the price but a very very good quality.

Secret $3: The Curry Paste
Use a concentrated Thai curry paste.  I happened to have Panang flavor on hand, but you can use any of the other flavors (Red, Green Yellow).  You can find these at your Asian market or order online through EthnicGrocer.  You can adjust the hotness of the final dish by the amount of paste that you use.  Start with 1-2 tablespoons and go from there.

Secret #4:  The Noodles
I love adding mung bean noodles (same thing as cellophane or glass noodles).  Once you finish digging through the mussels, you’re left with the golden prize - delicious curry broth clinging to the clear, slippery noodles. Slurp! Slurp!

Use the skinny ones. Here is a photo of 2 skeins:  (from Wikipedia)

Steamed Mussels with Lemongrass Coconut Curry

Serves 6 as side dish or starter.  Another great thing about this dish - less than $10 in ingredients!

2 lbs mussels, scrubbed & picked through (discard cracked shells and ones that don’t close when tapped)
1 stalk of lemongrass, white part grated with microplane grater (or substitute with 4 wide strips of lemon peel)
2 bottles of clam juice (or substitute with vegetable broth + wine)
1 can (14oz) of good coconut milk, shake the can vigorously to mix the fat with the liquid
1/2 cup of Thai curry paste
1 tablespoon fish sauce (or substitute with 1 teaspoon of kosher salt)
1 tsp sugar
3 small skeins of mung bean noodles, soaked in cold water for 5 minutes.
chopped scallions & chili for topping

1. Fry the curry paste: In a wok or large pot, turn heat to medium. When wok is hot but not smoking, add 2 tbl curry paste and the lemongrass (or lemon peel). Fry for 30 seconds to release its flavors. Add the clam juice, fish sauce, sugar and coconut milk. Simmer for 3 minutes. If you are using lemon peel, discard lemon peel. Taste the broth. If you want more heat, add more curry paste. In meantime, drain your mung bean noodles. The noodles should still be a little stiff.

2. Steam the mussels: Turn heat to high and add your mussels. Immediately cover with tight fitting lid. Steam on high for 4 minutes. Open lid, scootch the mussels to one side, add mung bean noodles and cook for another minute uncovered. Use a large spoon to redistribute the mussels from the top to the bottom of the broth, cook another 30 seconds and it’s done! Top with chopped chilies and scallions.

Don’t you feel like this dish should just ::wink:: and do a little sexy twirl?  Such a flirty little thing!

“Asian Lettuce Wraps” or “Asian Lettuce Cups” is the most requested recipe on my site.  I’ve updated the recipe to be lighter, more refreshing and healthier.  No goopy cornstarchy sauce!  Sorry, P.F. Chang!  You can make a vegetarian version - just substitute crumbed tofu, more vegetables or even plain rice for the ground turkey. Traditionally, the recipe includes canned water chestnuts, which honestly taste like crunchy styrofoam.  Instead, I’ve used crisp diced green apples - which is much tastier.

The mung bean noodles look clear and transparent when dried and puff up in just a few seconds time when fried. They are NOT “rice noodles” – when in doubt, look at the ingredient list on the back. It should say “mung beans.”

Asian Lettuce Cups with Ground Turkey & Green Apple

Filling:
1 lb ground turkey
1 tsp minced garlic
1/2 tsp grated ginger
2 cups frozen carrot/pea mix OR red/yellow bell peppers, finely diced
2 stalks, scallions
1 ummm….oops 1/2 green apple, finely diced

Toppings/Wrap:
2 skeins, Mung Bean Noodles (from wikipedia)
2 medium carrots, Use vegetable peeler to peel cut carrot into paper thin strips.  Use knife to further cut into super duper thin strands. Or, use the handy kitchen gadget <– I like this gadget
1 head boston bibb lettuce, leaves washed and separated

The Sauce:
1-1/2 tablespoons Hoisin Sauce (for GF: substitute w/ tangerine marmalade which I ABSOLUTELY LOVE)
1 teaspoon soy sauce (for GF: tamari)
1/2 teaspoon sesame oil
1 teaspoon rice wine vinegar
1/4 tsp ground pepper
1 tsp Sriracha hot sauce
<– this is my fav hot sauce. it has a rooster on it…therefore i call it “rooster sauce” because i always mis-spell srirrrrrrracha.

Fry noodle - wok or a pot (something not too wide at its base. the smaller the base width, the less oil you will need to use). Fill with about 2″ of oil. While oil is heating to 375F, use your hands to separate the strands of the mung bean noodle into small clumps. When oil hot, fry one batch at a time. It should only take 10 seconds to fry. Remove, drain paper towels.

Heat wok on high heat with cooking oil. When oil is hot, add scallions, ginger and garlic and fry a few seconds until fragrant. Add chicken and fry until 80% cooked through. Add vegetables and cook 1 minute. Add sauce ingredients. Let simmer for 1 minute to thicken slightly. Add apples. Toss to coat. Immediately remove from heat. You don’t want to “cook” the apples - keep them nice and crunchy. Serve with hot sauce sauce, lettuce cups, fried noodles.

Serve with more rooster sauce, lettuce cups, fried noodles and shaved carrots.

==================

Kitt’s comment below just reminded me of the great weekend we just had with my baby birds.

Fighting for “THE BITE.”

Andrew is taller, he has the advantage.

But Nathan has sharp teeth

And swoops in for the kill

Did I scold him? Hell no. Smart strategy I say!

I can’t believe how many personal emails and comments I’ve gotten from you guys in just the past 24 hours!  Thank you from the bottom of my heart for thinking, caring and sending great vibes.  I’m so honored to have such great friends like you - even if we’ve never met in person before.  You are awesome!

::ok…GROUP HUG!::

Well, to answer your question of “How did friday night go?”….

It was unbelievable!  I made Korean BBQ - both Kalbi (short ribs) and Bulgogi (thinly sliced rib eye) cooked at the table; Shrimp & Mango Firecrackers and Coco-Fro-Yo by a Fo-Blo with Tropical Fruit and Toasted Coconut.

We had Jeff, the food editor, Jason, the newspaper photographer, myself, husband, my best friend Kelly, her 3 yr old son and my 2 kids.  It was truly a representation of a typical evening at my home….even down to the bribing the kids with Dum Dum lollipops to go upstairs while I finished supper and Nathan circling, circling, trying to swipe the food during my photo shoot.

The funniest part of the evening was:

Me taking a photograph of the food
Jason the photographer photographing me photographing the food

Jeff photographing the photographer photographing me photographing the phood.

I’m not going to write much more than this, as the article doesn’t come out for another week and half and I want to give the newspaper the courtesy to publish the story and photos first.  Once it comes out, I’ll scan the article and post the photos that we all took.

I will leave you with this….my adventures with the coconut the same afternoon.

=======================

That day, it was a hot, humid Florida Friday afternoon.  That means the temperature was 82F out BUT the humidity made it feel like 144F.  If you dare crack open the door from the comforts of your air-conditioned home to just even walk to the mailbox, you might as well bring along an well-seasoned chicken. By the time you’ve returned from your mailbox, the damn bird is perfectly steamed.

I decided it was a good idea to top the Co-Co Fro-Yo by a Fo-Blo with freshly shaved coconut for dessert. So off I went to the market:

Someone at the coconut company was even thoughtful enough to jump-start the coconut cracking process - it was already conveniently grooved.  It even came with a bright orange sticker that had an arrow pointed at the coconut’s butt-crack proclaiming, “<– Crack me open here!”

Duh!

Held coconut in left hand, cleaver in right hand.  Started gently at first…not having ever cracked a real coconut before in my entire life, I just didn’t know what to expect….other than when I’m at a cheesy tropical restaurant and they serve me a coconut, it usually is full of rum inside.  I was hopeful that this baby would grant me the same.

tap
tap
tap
tap

nothing.

whack
rotate
whack
rotate
whack

shit.

::me - off to the garage to find something more useful than a Chinese cleaver::

AHA!  A hammer and screwdriver!  So I brought the cutting board and coconut outside to my front driveway. No messy messy in my kitchen!

::me - sitting on ground, legs in front, knees bent, two feet grasping the coconut steady (very gorilla style) while left hand holds screwdriver, right hand holds hammer::

kachink!
kathump!
kadank!

Just a few dents but NOTHING. By the way, do you know how hard it is to steady a ROUND object between your feet while KATHUNKING really hard with a hammer?  I was fully aware that 6 inches is all that separated my big toe from the middle of the coconut. By now, I’m already dripping with sweat from the heat and incredible exertion from KATHUNKING a coconut.

::off to raid my husband’s stuff in the garage. I came back to the driveway with an arsenal of assorted tools::

I really don’t know the names of anything other than what I would describe as a pincher thingy, heavy wench, prier-majigger, hammer, big-butt orange drill and who know what the hell that thing is at the bottom of the photo.  All I know is that the useless thing cracked when I whacked the coconut with it.

NOT. ONE. SUCCESSFUL. ATTEMPT.

NOW I’M PISSED.

Goshnabbit. If Tom Hanks could do this with gum disease, a volleyball pretend-friend and 4 years of bad B.O….I was sure not to let this hairy twat get the best of me.

“Open up you mother #!$!@$ or else I’ll staple-gun your head….”

You can even see some of the battle scars near the equator - but even under extreme, inhumane torture and duress, the coconut did not crack.  Damn thing still wouldn’t talk.

Its cowlick even grew higher and seemed to say to me, “ha! neeener neeener neeener!”

I even threatened him with decapitation by the evil warlord, Delta ShopMaster.
(note to husband……see that nick in the power cord?  I didn’t do that. It was like that when I found it.  I swear.   Also- all those tools in your garage that were birthday presents, Christmas presents, Father’s Day presents…..USELESS!!!  Useless I say!  Next holiday…you’re getting a juicer.

In the end, I was SO FRUSTRATED, SWEATY, PISSED AND PARTIALLY EMBARRASSED that I couldn’t crack open a coconut that had been “pre-cracked” already.  Disgusted, I took the stupid thing to the backyard, threw it on the grass and in my best Bruce Lee impression…..

both hands holding cleaver….

swing up and over head….

WAAAAAHHHHHPAAAAACCCCHHHHHHAAAAAWWWWW!!!!!

HHHIIIIIYYYYYAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!

The secret was that you had to do a primal kung-fu-esque yell while bending it like Beckham chopping it like Jackie Chan to open the dang coconut. That’s all it took!

BUT

In the end….I was so excited about how wonderful the evening was progressing that ….

I forgot entirely about the coconut and it never ever appeared on the dessert.

I am such a dork.

I witnessed something yesterday that compelled me to post something that was NON-ANIMAL:

At stoplights, most people will chat on the phone, daydream or play air drum to the radio. Me? I sit there and rehearse different apologies to say to my kids’ daycare teachers, “I am SO sorry Mrs. so-and-so….my Mom warned if I ate too many spicy chilies during my pregnancy that my kids would turn out the same…sadly, I did not listen.”

For those of you who have small “energetic” children, I doubt I need to explain that having not one but TWO 3-foot tall firecrackers is like a cowboy trying to walk with 30-pound spurs on each leg….

Read the full story

Wow wow wow….let me tell you about my day before I let it allllll get to my head…

ahhhh crap.

too late! (hee hee!)

Let me start off by confessing.  I was so crazy rushed this morning that I (gulp) let my kids choose their breakfast of choice from the “breakfast cabinet” without watching.  While I was in the bathroom doing my hair and beautifying myself with a mud mask, they ditched the breakfast cabinet, (normally filled with cereal, oatmeal and breakfast bars) and took advantage of the fact that I had a mud mask on.

In case you’ve never tried putting on a mud mask, let me tell you that after 5 minutes, that mud hardens to the consistency of concrete mixed with superglue.  I can’t move my facial muscles because a) I can’t   b) if I tried too hard, the mud cracks and creates permanent creases that harden on my face, thereby doing the EXACT OPPOSITE of what I need.

Well, my kids are smart.

They know that when Mom puts on a mud mask and looks like Jabba the Hut She can’t move her cheeks, can’t talk, scold, yell or say “NO!” especially when you sneak in the CANDY DRAWER for breakfast instead of the breakfast cabinet. I think they got through 3 mini Snickers bars + 1 bag of Shrek gummies + 4 Hershey’s kisses EACH.

Yeah. I know. I felt sorry for their teachers at daycare too.

After dropping the kids off at school, my day as the Supa’star began (or as my son says, “Stupid-star”).  First my husband and I had an interview with the Tampa Bay Business Journal for our company,  Digital Doctors, The hour-long interview was phenomenal. We talked about business strategy, our very fast growth and thank goodness that we didn’t name our company something stupid like “VCR Doctors”

Next stop for me was The Tampa Tribune where Food Editor Jeff Houck interviewed me about this here baby blog, food photography, teaching cooking classes and where might this little food adventure might take me.  Jeff was so incredibly fun to chat with - he casually mentions, “a couple of weeks ago I interviewed Paula Deen in person” (me: gaaagaaagaagaa) and then even more casually…as casual as you would describe what you ate for lunch, “oh and after interviewing you, I’m interviewing Iron Chef Cat Cora.” (me: dropping to my knees and wishing that I could just hide in his shirt pocket just for a week….pllleeeeeaaaazzz?!?! But feeling very fortunate that I’m a Paula Deen-Cat Cora SANDWICH).

Driving home in the heavy rain, my phone rang and it was a reporter from Wall Street Journal, Chicago Bureau.  Foie Gras has recently been banned, and they wanted to interview me for the Shitake & Cognac “Faux” Gras which is a great poor banned man’s substitute……while not the real thing, still really really really good and it sure beats having an arrest record that says, “Foie Gras Felony.”  Photo and recipe being emailed to reporter tonight.

I came home and made Zuni Cafe’s Roast Chicken via  the lovely Veronica. While the chicken was (@*$&(*!&%! good, my photographs of the roast chicken were not…..so (sigh) the dish is not bloggable.

Really. Trust me.  You DON’T want to see this borderline pornagraphic photo of a split roasted chicken in full frame.  Note to self: chicken with legs spread wide open just is not photogenic. I think it was Confucious that said, “Chicken should be more lady-like and keep legs closed.”

Whew. What a day.  In conclusion, my dear friends, I need your help. The food writer from The Tampa Tribune and a staff photographer are coming over to my home this Friday to see me in action - cooking, plating and photography-ing my food.  They’ll stay for supper too.

What shall I cook? Place your votes in the comments!  I’m looking for a Modern Asian (fast, fresh simple) dish + mind-blowingly delicious + drool-worthy photogenic dish (i.e. the split roasted chicken-ho wouldn’t cut it)

(A) Korean BBQ:
This is always, always the crowd favorite because its fun to eat with the tabletop grill.

(B) Firecracker Shrimp 
+ nice little dim sum dinner (dim sum is my speciality and I make my Mom’s Famous Egg Rolls)

(C) Baby Back Ribs with Asian Orange-Ginger Glaze
(which is my personal favorite flavor-wise…its finger-licking, fall-off-the-bone crazy yummy)

(D) A little “Chino Latino” going on: Asian Spiced Shrimp Tacos with Mango-Melon Salsa (which I haven’t blogged about yet…yes, one of my 47 drafts)

Or should I just play spin the blog and make whatever my mouse lands on?