My editor, Jeff Houck, sent over a picture of pan-fried Scrapple slice and my heart fluttered like crazy. “Scrapple? Scrapple! What’s Scrapple? I asked him,” and within 30 minutes was off to the supermarket to find Scrapple, a distant cousin to Spam.

Yes, I have an odd fascination with meat that comes in it’s own coffin.

“hmmm…I wonder if I could showcase the otherwise disgusting “meat” in a edgy, fashion-y, Bon Appetit-esque yet appetizinng way. I mean, when was the last time you saw a photo of canned ham and said, “DAMN…that’s a mighty fine piece of ass?!”

While I was there, I went bezerk and ended up with a basketful of “meat” products along with a variety of ingredients to concoct four different recipes. And really. That’s how my “meat” adventure began.

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Note: this was written for the lovely wedding issue for the Tampa Tribune

***

The Chinese culture is filled with food traditions and symbolisms, so much in fact that I could never keep up and remember them all. During the entire 6 days surrounding my wedding, I deferred to my mother to tell me what to eat to please the Gods of good fortune and fertility. Oh, did I want to have some grapes? I had to eat five of them, not one less because that number that I must not utter, one less than five, means something bad in Chinese. In fact, I am choosing each and every word very carefully in this column so that in case YOU are the one getting married, I do not want to be blamed for any misfortune!

My wedding with Scott was a nice blend of his culture (Scottish-German) and mine. We exchanged vows at Pebble Beach’s legendary 18th hole (ok, Scott just corrected me and said “fairway” not “hole” because I don’t think they’d let 10 pairs of three-inch stilettos aerate the baby-soft skinny grass at the hole), but included Chinese customs throughout the entire week

One custom that we opted out of was serving a whole roast suckling pig at the wedding banquet. According to the Chinese, the pig symbolizes the virginity of the bride, and um, you know where I’m going with that. I say, no sense in pretending or misrepping what is not true, because that would be a lousy way to begin a marriage! Plus, where the heck would we find a whole suckling pig in the middle of a gucci golf resort? Can you even imagine the chef struggling to fit the fat pig on his fancy rotisserie grill?

There is one tradition that I would like to share with you, eating noodles. For birthdays, new year and weddings, noodles are served to represent long life. Don’t be tempted to cut the noodles, or you’ll be “cutting your life short.” You may not be Chinese, but really, there’s no harm in covering all your bases. I mean, who knows what deity drew the short straw and was appointed to be in charge something so boring like “lifespan?”

So, I created one easy dish that covered all your important bases – sort of cramming in as much good fortune as possible on one plate. The sesame seeds and pea pods in the noodles symbolize fertility (remember, if you don’t want children, substitute with any greens, bean sprouts or sliced bamboo shoots.) Shrimp, in Chinese, is pronounced “haa” which sounds like laughter, and may your marriage be full of happiness.

And of course, this column has 688 words, my way of wishing you a smooth path to double prosperity.

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Guys! Gals! Androids! I have something SO AWESOME to share with you…

and I’m not gonna.

just yet.

maybe in a couple of days.

I know, I’m a tease. But would you expect anything less from Steamy Kitchen?

In the meantime, I wanted to share a how decisions get made in the Steamy household.

How The Steamy Household Decides What to Eat

5pm weeknight, asks family: “What other side dish would you guys like for supper? We’re having tonight with some .”

says, “Oh cool, I love . We’ve been eating so much lately that it’s nice for a change.How about some

replies, “Ok. well, it’s 5pm and I can’t really make in time for supper.* How about just plain ? Kids, what do you want to eat?”

“”

“”

“Kids. We can’t have for supper. Are you crazy? Pick something else.”

“ “Vanilla Garlic’s Cinnamon Chocolate Cupcakes!”

“Yeah! ”

“Cool. ”

(SIGH). How can I satisfy all?

Orzo with Brown Butter and Cinnamon

Recipe from Epicurious

GF-Adaptable: substitute orzo with GF pasta

1 pound orzo
1/2 stick (1/4 cup) unsalted butter
2 tablespoons olive oil
1/4 teaspoon cinnamon
1/4 teaspoon black pepper
1 tsp kosher salt
1/4 lemon
3/4 cup chopped fresh flat-leaf parsley (from 2 bunches)

Cook orzo in a 6- to 8-quart pot of boiling salted water until tender. While orzo cooks, melt butter in a small heavy skillet over moderately low heat, then simmer until golden brown with a nutty aroma, about 5 minutes. Remove skillet from heat, then stir in oil, cinnamon, and pepper. Drain orzo in a colander, then return to pot and add brown-butter mixture, scraping up any brown bits from bottom of skillet, and parsley. Toss until combined well and season with salt and a squeeze of lemon

*(YES I KNOW, Jeff and Zoe, if I had some dough in the refrigerator, I surely could have gotten laid tonight by by just seducing him with a beautiful loaf of .)

***

And now for the winners of the tsp spice giveaway!

Three winners will get some beautiful spices. Winners were randomly chosen by The Psychic Science nifty random number generator.

Drumroll….please…(sound of envelope being ripped open)

The first winner who is….on the next page.

[hee hee - I just did a "ryan seacrest!"]

Contestant #115, who will recieve tsp spices

Sun Shine: Sun Shine contains one can each of organic lemon zest and organic orange zest. Each spice can contains 12 one-teaspoon packets. Organic lemon zest and organic orange zest infuse your cooking with a kiss of sunshine. $16.

# 115 claudia at ‘cook eat FRET’ Says:

February 26th, 2008 at 11:51 pm e

thyme, garlic, salt and pepper
add cauliflower and cream
mash
oh my!.

And our next winner is….

Commenter #42 who wins tsp spices:

Sweet Heat: Sweet Heat contains one can each of true cinnamon from Saigon and crushed ancho chiles. Each spice can contains 12 one-teaspoon packets. Sweet Heat is an age-old taste sensation made dazzlingly new. Awaken your senses with the delicate flavor of true cinnamon and ancho chile. Teaspoon packets allow you to use them singly or together. $16.

# 42 Lisa Says:

February 26th, 2008 at 2:27 pm e

Cumin, coriander, turmeric and a tiny pinch of cinnamon. Not only does it taste great - the color is beautiful too!

Hey Lisa and Claudia- you guys should get together and swap some spice packets, because my absolute favorite combo for tsp spices is Orange Zest and Ancho Chile!

The final winner is of the spice giveaway is…..

Contestant #218 who will get:

Savoir Fare: Contains one can each of organic marjoram and organic sage. Each can contains 12 one-teaspoon packets. For knowing cooks, marjoram and sage are a deliciously compatible pair. Team them up to season a bread stuffing or pork sausage. Try them separately to flavor meat loafs, soups or bean dishes. Continental chefs have long savored both of these herbs. Now it’s your turn. Bon appetit! $16.

# 218 amy purple Says:
February 29th, 2008 at 3:07 pm e

That is some fancy packaging for spices! I’m probably more of a Basil or Parsley person, but I on the last dish I made for my husband’s lunch, I used Ginger and Curry.

Do you have an orange tree? That photo just makes me want to suck the juice out of one of those orange slices!

Congrats winners! Email me directly at jaden@steamykitchen.com with your name, address and phone number for shipment!

What the Pho?!

I’ve been working hard perfecting the techniques and recipe for Vietnamese Beef Noodle Soup, or Pho, just for you. And really, I’m not kissing ass or anything, but it’s because of you guys that I’m posting this recipe! Of all the cookbooks that I own, the best recipe that I’ve found for Pho is from:

Andrea Nguyen’s Into the Vietnamese Kitchen, which is one of the most comprehensive books on the cuisine of Vietnam. The book also won nominations for a James Beard Foundation award and two International Association of Culinary Professionals (IACP). Definitely a must-have book for Asian food lovers.

So, let’s get right to it - I’ve got lots of photos to share.

Oh and the dish is pronounced “fuh” and not “foo” or “foe” or “puh”

Yeah, Pho is cheap to purchase at a good Pho restaurant…but to be able to make a home made version? Pretty Pho-king amazing, if you ask me.

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Chinese New Year is coming up in just a couple of weeks! It will be the Year of the Rat!

I’ll be sharing some of my favorite Chinese dishes with you - easy meals that you can whip up for the holiday. Chinese are big on food symbolisms - and some of the references are pretty far out there - but hey, if eating this hairy moss dish:

means that I might just win the lottery this year, I’ll take my chances. Traditionally, we eat noodles for Chinese New Year - which symbolizes long life. Just don’t cut the noodles before serving - you’ll be snipping your life short.

Super fast noodles

You can use any type of noodles for this dish - rice noodles (great for gluten-free), wheat noodles or in a pinch, use regular spaghetti noodles for the Fried Noodles with Garlic Shrimp dish.

Here are my favorite noodles to use when I’m in a hurry:

These noodles only take a couple of minutes to cook, because they are soft, fresh noodles not dried. When I make a trip to the Asian market, I grab a few packs and put them in the freezer. They freeze great and when ever you need a quick meal, just boil a pot of water, add the pack of frozen noodles in and in 2 minutes, they are ready. If you aren’t going to freeze them, it only takes 1 minute to cook. Timing of course depends on the thickness of the noodles you choose - check the packaging for instructions.

Fried noodle ingredients

You can use any type of vegetables: mushrooms, cabbage, bok-choy, spinach, bamboo shoots, tofu, snow peas, etc. The only rule is when adding the vegetables to the wok, add them in the order it takes longest to cook. HUH?! What did I just say? You know what I mean. Vegetables that take longer to cook go in first, fry a bit, then add the next vegetable. Cut your vegetables into nice, thin, easy to quickly fry pieces.

If using carrots, I suggest cutting into slivers, or super thin slices so that they can fry easily. I use my favorite tool in the whole world - the Oxo Julienne Tool. For less than $10, this baby has saved me time and nicked fingers. Plus, the vegetable comes out looking really pretty.

In my dish, I chose crunchy, fresh celery, carrots and scallions:

For meat/seafood - you can use shrimp, chicken, thinly sliced pork or beef. Or just keep it vegetarian. Totally up to you.

The Fried Noodle with Garlic Shrimp recipe is from this book:

Wei Chuan Chinese Rice and Noodles, my copy is well-worn and this book has tons of recipes for fried noodles, noodle soup, fried rice, rice dishes, etc. Recipes are in both English and Chinese.

Recipe after the jump!

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Before we tie a big, fat bow on this year’s box of ups, down and go-arounds, I‘d like to give props to Spam, the wondrous food that started my relationship with Creative Loafing (the newspaper that I write a weekly food column for) earlier this year when I dared editor Max to lose his spam virginity to me. And yes, I was gentle. I fed him luscious morsels of Spam nestled in mounds of snowy, fluffy, white rice.

It’s not an easy task, convincing people to willingly eat meat that comes in its own coffin, especially after hearing the “STHLURP” as it slithers out and the “STHLUNK” as it lands on the counter top in a quivering, solid, gelatinous mass.

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 On Thanksgiving, we packed the kids in the minivan and headed to Orlando to my brother-in-law’s for a “Boston Market Takeout Thanksgiving.” Oh, don’t groan, it really wasn’t bad at all. While you were all scrubbing layers of grease off your pans, all we did was crumple up take out containers. The best part of celebrating the holidays with people who don’t cook is knowing that the entire turkey carcass is MINE…..ALL MINE.

Such a silly thing to be smug about, but I consider the endless potential of leftover bones just as exciting as the roasted turkey itself. And since we only have turkey once or twice a year, I act like Tom of Tom & Jerry with icons of turkey flashing in my eyes. I could make stock (freeze and use throughout the year), gumbo, casserole, soup and my favorite….Turkey Congee (rice porridge)

Normally, when I spend holiday dinners with other cooks and chefs, it’s a silent game of strategy. But how would you politely and tactfully be the first to lay dibs on the turkey bones if you are a guest? Since many of you will have turkey again for Christmas dinner, I’m going to share my secrets with you. But if you click through to read…you’ve just waived away your right to use these tricks against me. Deal?

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Every morning in China, we would wake up to a smorgasbord of a breakfast buffet. The hotels and cruise ships had anticipated every kind of craving - from “orange sauce” to “dessicated potatoes” , Chinglish for orange juice and hash browns. But when in China, eat like the Chinese. Plus, “stewed encased meat surprise” (sausage) and “fresh cream squirt” (I have NO IDEA what that really was) just didn’t sound too appetizing…(continued)….

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From my column in Creative Loafing…

During freshman year of college, I lived off of Kraft mac ‘n cheese and Cocoa Puffs. Not because I couldn’t cook-but because Mother never let us have awful artificially flavored junk food in our household since it would “OH MY GOD, ROT OUR TEETH.” Never mind that our home had chipped lead paint, asbestos in the attic and that I’d wrestle with Brother on the lawn 10 seconds after Dad sprayed DDT.

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These past few days, I needed to cook healthy. Not for me, but for the sake of my children.

You see, last week, I had Lasik eye surgery. As any reasonable mother would do, I milked it as far as I could go in terms of slacking on my housewifery duties. Laundry? bah..eyes too dry. Ironing? doc said no heavy lifting. Dishes? need to lay down to put in drops every 2 hours. Vacuuming? nope…can’t see squat after squirting in drops. Best to just sleep in every morning and let Scott handle the kids.

It took 3 days before the kids confessed me what they’ve been eating for breakfast….

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