working late all week
too hungry to be fancy
five minute dish yay

much past midnight
crispy, crunchy, runny, sweet.
spicy egg porn.

gobbled eggs all up
perfect, it sure hit the spot
zzz zzzz zz zzzzzz burp

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From my column in Creative Loafing…

During freshman year of college, I lived off of Kraft mac ‘n cheese and Cocoa Puffs. Not because I couldn’t cook-but because Mother never let us have awful artificially flavored junk food in our household since it would “OH MY GOD, ROT OUR TEETH.” Never mind that our home had chipped lead paint, asbestos in the attic and that I’d wrestle with Brother on the lawn 10 seconds after Dad sprayed DDT.

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I don’t know if you have the upscale Chinese chain called P.F. Changs near you, but in 90’s Los Angeles, it was the chi-chi place to eat…a place to see and be seen, where the skinny, tall and deeluscious hung out waiting to be discovered by producers and sugar daddies. Me? I was an awkward, pimply-faced frog. That was an evening when I had a major case of “why can’t I look like them?!”

You see, I was born with thick, bushy eyebrows….thanks to my direct ancestors who probably had a great use for them. Thousands of years ago, those eyebrows protected my neanderthal ancestors from predators. All they would have to do wrap those thick cable brows around their head, do one of those primal yells and wave arms like an orangutan in heat. Predators would be scared shitless and skamper off. Of course unwrapping the brows proved quite complicated, as they had yet to invent the eyebrow pick or Paul Mitchell conditioner.

The next evolution of use was in the hot summer heat, those brows prevented forehead sweat from dripping down into the pot of horse stew quietly simmering on the outdoor firepit. My great-great grandfather probably was a world-class mah-jong player and his bushy brows shielded him from other players’ discovering his “mah-jong tells” My great-grand auntie most likely used her brows for fanning the hot porridge. My Mom’s second-cousin’s daughter even hung salted fish to dry on her brows.

And now the trait has passed on down to me. Obviously those eyebrows are destined for some great, honorable use, and I just totally ruined thousands of years of family legacy with a an innocent tool called the Tweezerman. I can blame it on that night when I thought what separated me from the sea of gorgeous models were my brows. How wrong I was. I had forgotten about family trait number two. I’m five-foot-two and fifteen pounds overweight.

While I never figured out how to grow an extra 6 inches, I did figure out how to re-create the flavors of P.F. Chang’s dish, Minced Pork Lettuce Cups. I’ve made a similar filling  with ground chicken, flavored by Hoisin (Chinese BBQ sauce) and Oyster Sauce…a little sweet…a little salty and requires no tweezing.

Chinese Pastries with Hoisin Chicken

If you don’t have dried Chinese black mushrooms, feel free to use fresh shitake mushrooms or any type of fresh mushrooms.

1/2 pound ground chicken
1 teaspoon soy sauce
1/2 teaspoon Shaoxing wine
1/2 teaspoon sesame oil
1 teaspoon cornstarch
1/4 teaspoon sugar
2 garlic cloves, finely minced
1/2 teaspoon freshly grated ginger
1/4 cup minced green onion
1/4 cup minced onion
1/4 cup minced canned bamboo shoots
1/4 cup diced Chinese black mushrooms (soaked overnight in cold water, stems removed)
1 tablespoon Oyster Sauce
1 tablespoon Hoisin Sauce
1 teaspoon garlic-chili hot sauce
1 package frozen puff pastry, thawed
1 egg + 1 tablespoon water (egg wash)

In a wok or large saute pan, heat 1 tablespoon of cooking oil over medium-high heat. When hot, add onion. Fry until onions are softened, about 1 minute. Add the green onions, garlic and ginger. Fry another minute until fragrant. Turn heat to high.

Add the marinated ground chicken, mushrooms and bamboo shoots. Fry until the chicken is about 80% cooked through. Add Oyster, Hoisin & hot sauce. Stir through. Taste…need more salt? (add soy or Oyster) need more sweet/salty? (add more Hoisin) heat? (hot sauce)  Spread out on plate to cool. Tip the plate to one side and discard excess juice.

Take your thawed puff pastry and cut each sheet into 4 squares. Spoon filling onto one side, brush egg wash on the edges and bring over to fold into a triangle. Pinch to seal tightly, place on baking sheet. Brush egg wash on the tops of the pastry. Repeat with remaining.

Bake 350F degrees for 20 minutes until golden brown. Serve with some hot sauce on side!

**Note on Chinese black mushrooms

I always have a stash of dried mushrooms in my pantry. If I know I’ll be using them the next day, I’ll just throw a few in a bowl with water and leave to soak overnight.

If I’m pressed for time, I’ll use hot water and also microwave for 10 minutes (timing really depends on how thick your mushrooms are)

***

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10 Minute Miso Soup

Gai Lan - a variation of Gai Lan with yellow flowers instead of the characteristic white

Some of the most loving gestures of a Chinese mom is at the dinner table. Growing up, our family was never really the kissy-kissy, “I love you,” emotionally expressive type. Sometimes it was because of the language barrier (my mom didn’t speak much English; my brother and I “lost” our Cantonese growing up in North Platte, Nebraska) and sometimes because it was the older Chinese culture where expressions of love were more stiff and subdued.

We are a much different family now. In the past few years, my brother and I have been able to really, deeply connect with our parents. We finally understand the hardship that our parents went through and the decisions that they made in the past…things that as children we so easily concluded, “thats not fair” or “they don’t love me.” Its such a comforting and belonging feeling to really see my mom, dad and brother as exactly who they are, cherishing all the wonderful love and accepting all their wonderful quirks.

When we were little, my mom used to show her love every single night at the dinner table. Her chopsticks would quickly dart from dish to dish, picking out the best parts for my brother, my dad and me. The plump cheeks of the steamed fish, a perfect dark meat nugget from the soy sauce chicken, the giant red claw from the crab, the hidden fleck of salted fish, and the young tender flower buds from the Chinese “Gai Lan” Broccoli. Now that I’m a mother of 2 little ones, I find myself doing the same thing, picking through the dish to find the best, most tender parts of each dish for my children. These days, “Po-Po’s” (grandmother) chopsticks go to grandchildren’s plates, not mine anymore. Thats the most loving gesture of a Chinese Po-Po.

How to buy Gai Lan
It’s easy to pick out the best Gai Lan, or to see if it is fresh and tender. Select a bunch, look at the ends of the stalk. If they are dry, crusted and shriveled. Don’t buy. The middle of the stalk should ideally be one color - a creamy, translucent color. If you see a solid white circle in the middle of the stalk, it may mean the Gai Lan is a little old. It still could be good - look at the leaves and the buds for more clues to how fresh it is. Why is this so important? You briefly steam the Gai Lan so that it is tender crisp, so if the vegetable is old, you’ll really taste the bitterness.

Most Gai Lan have white flowers, though there are varieties that include both white and yellow flowers. The flower buds should be tight and compact - there should be buds not open flowers. Lots and lots of open flowers means the stalk is older and past its prime for eating and it will be more bitter and chewy.

As with many Chinese stir-fry dishes, the ginger in this dish is cut into 1/8″ coins - the large pieces gently infuse the cooking oil and aren’t necessarily meant for eating. When we cook family-style, my Mom just leaves the ginger coins in the finished dish, and we just push them out of the way when we eat. Of course, you can remove them prior to serving if you’d like. The whole garlic also infuses the cooking oil and after toasting, it becomes soft and wonderfully sweet. Sometimes, I double the amount of garlic cloves because I just love eating the cloves of garlic!

GF- Lee Kum Kee makes a GF Oyster Sauce!

1 pound of Chinese broccoli (Gai Lan)
1 1/2 tablespoons cooking oil
5 whole garlic cloves, peeled and gently smashed but left intact
1/4 cup vegetable stock
1 tablespoon Chinese rice wine (or dry sherry)
1/2 teaspoons sugar
1 inch of fresh ginger, cut into 1/8″ coins and smashed with side of cleaver
3 tablespoons oyster sauce
1/2 teaspoon sesame oil

To wash the gai lan, trim 1/2″ from the ends of stalk and discard. In large wok or pan (large enough to hold all stalks), heat just 1 tablespoon of the cooking oil over medium heat. When the oil is just starting to get hot (the garlic should sizzle upon contact) add the whole garlic cloves and let them fry until golden brown on all sides. Be careful not to burn the garlic, you just want to toast them - if the garlic starts turning dark brown, turn the heat to low. Toasting the garlic should take about 2 minutes. While the garlic is toasting, in a small bowl mix the stock, wine and sugar and set aside.

Turn the heat to high and add the ginger, fry for 30 seconds. Add the gai lan stalks and use your spatula to scoop up the oil so that every stalk has been bathed with the ginger/garlic-infused oil for 30 seconds.

Pour the stock mixture into the wok and immediately cover the wok with a tight fitting lid. Turn the heat to medium and let the vegetable steam for 3-4 minutes, until stalks can be easily pierced with a paring knife or fork.

Remove the gai lan to a plate, leaving any remaining stock mixture in the wok. If you want, pick out and discard the ginger coins. To the wok, add the oyster sauce and sesame oil and bubble and thicken on high for 1 minute. Pour the sauce mixture over the gai lan and serve.

The other day, I stopped by Sweetbay Supermarket by my home and found a bunch of Chinese Long Beans. They come in long bundles - typically they are 12″ - 30″ long, hence the nickname, “Yard Long Beans.” The best tasting Chinese Long Beans are young, 12″ - 16″ long. Purchase beans that have no black spots, flexible but not limp and do not look dry.

Chinese Long Beans are chewy, very hearty and can withstand instense spices and chilis. However, I love the simplicity of this recipe - combining stir fry and steaming in just a couple of steps.

Stir-Fried Chinese Long Beans

Did you know Lee Kum Kee has gluten free oyster sauce?

1 pound Chinese Long Beans, washed and trimmed to 3″ lengths

2 teaspoon minced garlic

1/4 cup water

1 tablespoon oyster sauce

1 teaspoon soy sauce

Heat up your wok, add oil. When barely smoking, add minced garlic. Fry just for a few seconds until fragrant, but not brown. You want to make sure that you don’t wait too long before adding the garlic to the oil, otherwise the oil will be too hot and the garlic will burn.

Add your long beans, fry in wok for 30 seconds, incorporating the garlic throughout the beans.

Add water, oyster sauce and soy sauce. Cover the wok. Let the beans steam for 5 minutes on medium heat. Check to see if beans are almost tender, but not too soft. If not, re-cover and steam an additional 1 minute. Uncover, let the rest of the liquid evaporate, about an additional minute. Serve.