Zimmern: “completely rotten, mushy onions.”

Bourdain: “…Your breath will smell as if you’d been French-kissing your dead grandmother.”

Alfred Russell Wallace, some naturalist in the 1800’s: “After a fruit-eating bat has pee’d on it.”

Henri Mouhot, French naturalist: “On first tasting it I thought it like the flesh of some animal in a state of putrefaction.”

BBC: “It has been likened to rotting onions, unwashed socks and even carrion in custard, but the most accurate description by far is that of a sewer full of rotting pineapples.”

Richard Sterling, travel/food writer: “… its odor is best described as pig-shit, turpentine and onions, garnished with a gym sock. It can be smelled from yards away. Despite its great local popularity, the raw fruit is forbidden from some establishments such as hotels, subways and airports, including public transportation in Southeast Asia.”

Lovely.

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I had my first tomato harvest, on Christmas Eve. Of course, I don’t consider the green tomatoes that fell off from the branch of my bigger tomato plant that broke as “harvest.” But then again, the term “harvest” is really relative, isn’t it?

Can 2 little 1-inch golden grape tomatoes be called a harvest?

Sliced each teeny tiny grape tomato with an exacto-knife. Thai basil from my garden, Maldon sea salt, fresh ground pepper and Bariani Olive Oil

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I from my food column in Creative Loafing

Co-Co Fro-Yo, Baby

About once every few months, I get an undeniable compulsion to fill my lungs with thick, gritty smog, sit in a three-hour traffic bottleneck and stuff my face with an In-N-Out Double-Double burger. Fifteen years of living in Los Angeles and I just can’t let go! I hate it so much that I love it — like flossing my teeth, the aftertaste of Tequila or certain family members. L.A. is my drug, and I must return to get my fix.

A few months ago I flew back to the City of Angels and immediately noticed that every third person had a blissful, dreamy look while moving a plastic spoon rhythmically from Styrofoam cup to Botox’d lips. It was as if someone had staged a hostile takeover of caffeinated beverages and replaced them with … fro-yo. Huh?! I hated the stuff the first time it came around in the ’80s, so WTF, was frozen yogurt coming back? It was only last week that I saw a Geico commercial featuring Cabbage Patch Kids and a YouTube clip showing Philippine prisoners performing Michael Jackson’s Thriller as part of their rehabilitation program. But fro-yo? Like, gag me with a spoon. For the first time, I felt the umbilical cord of L.A. snag, as if the city was finally getting back at me for choosing to live in the Sunshine State.

Despite all this, I asked my brother to take me to a Pinkberry, the company that started the Frozen Yogurt 2.0 craze a couple of years ago. What was behind the phenomenon that had copycats such as Red Mango, Iceberry and Kiwiberry popping up like prairie weasels? What kind of frozen concoction could start a war so heated chilled that cameras were banned in the shops for fear of corporate espionage?

I had to find out.

A half-hour wait in line and one parking ticket later, I had a $7 cup-o’-fro-yo in hand. It was tart and tangy with a clean, crisp sensation — nothing at all like its airy, tasteless predecessor. Crackberry describes itself as “soft swirls of chilly bliss with a distinct pouty peak.” They forget to mention the free spoon-pipe you get with every purchase. The craze hasn’t wound its way down to us in Florida yet — it’s currently blanketing Chicago, Las Vegas and New York — but don’t worry, I’ve got you covered: Here’s a recipe that tastes just like Pinkberry’s famous frozen yogurt. Try it for yourself and you might just get smitten by fro-yo, all over again.

Recipe is adapted from Perfect Scoop <–which by the way is written by fellow food blogger David. If you’ve never visited his website before..then…. STOP. Collaborate and Listen. Go visit D’s blog for a brand new sensation… Ice Ice Fro-Yo Baby. Fro-Yo Baby…. sorry. I couldn’t help it. I’m still stuck on the 80’s thing….

Coconut Frozen Yogurt with Tropical Fruit

6 cups of low-fat/whole plain flavored yogurt to yield 3 cups, strained (see below) or 3 cups Greek-style yogurt
3/4 cup sugar
1 tsp coconut extract
1/2 cup sweetened coconut flakes
mixed tropical fruit (mango, kiwi, papaya, etc.)
Ice cream maker (remember to freeze your insert if you have one)

1. Strain the yogurt: If you are using regular yogurt, you’ll need to strain out the water. Line your mesh strainer with a double-layer of cheesecloth. Spoon the yogurt in, and let it sit propped over a deep bowl in the refrigerator for at least four hours. Discard the water. If you are using Greek-style yogurt (like Fage — found at Whole Foods), you don’t need to strain.

2. Mix and rest: Mix the strained yogurt with the sugar and coconut extract. Let it chill in the refrigerator for one hour to let the sugar dissolve.

3. Churn, baby, churn: Following instructions that came with your ice cream maker, churn until the mixture is the consistency of soft ice cream. 4. Toast coconut and dice fruit: While the fro-yo is churning, toast coconut. Take a dry skillet. Set on medium heat and add the coconut flakes. Stir constantly until flakes toast to a golden brown. Remove from heat immediately, and set aside. To serve, sprinkle the toasted coconut and spoon the diced tropical fruit on top of your frozen concoction.

I am certainly not as talented as Gattina, who created a perfect Orange & Chilli Ricotta Cheesecake . Even her description of the cheesecake is so poetic….”a little shy girl who needs a little nudging to shine in the spotlight.”So, you know where I’m going with this. My version, not so elegant, is like a teenage girl discovering miniskirt, push-up bra and hot pink lipstick for the first time.
My last experiment with frozen yogurt was so delicious that I just had to try a sexier version. The ricotta makes the yogurt smooth and rich. The chilli is a sensation that only lingers for a second, tracing the path of the cool yogurt as it moves from tip of tongue to back of throat.

Of course, you don’t need me to remind you to buy David’s book if you can find it. This is where the homemade frozen yogurt craze started, and my Orange Chilli Ricotta Frozen Yogurt is just an adaptation of his methods. I don’t even own his book yet! When I was in L.A. last week, I couldn’t find the book in 3 different shops around town. David emailed back and said to stop being so damn inefficient and just click over to Amazon and just buy it from there. Sheesh. Has the internet taken over our lives? Maybe I can get the internet to do my laundry too.

Orange Chilli Ricotta Frozen Yogurt

For the photo above, I used a whole dried chilli and crushed with morter & pestle (you could pulse with a spice grinder.) If you are using chilli flakes, run a knife though the flakes. You want a finer consistency than large flakes. If you want to use chilli powder, then just start with a generous pinch and taste. You can always add more! Yes - the course sea salt for sprinkling is important! Please don’t skip this. The salt really brings together the sweet and savory parts of the dessert.

3 cups greek-style yogurt *if you don’t have greek style yogurt, see note below
rind from 1 orange (finely grate with rasp grater)
1/4 cup ricotta
1/4-1/2 teaspoon finely crushed, dried chilli
3/4 teaspoon fine sea salt
3/4 cup sugar

Garnish
additional course sea salt, for sprinkling
additional grated orange rind, for sprinkling

1. Combine all ingredients except the garnish. Taste…does it need more chilli or salt? Let the mixture sit in the refrigerator for at least 1 hour.

2. Following instructions (if you can find them) that came with your ice cream maker, churn until it becomes the consistency that you like. My ice cream maker takes 25 minutes.

3. When ready to serve, sprinkle with some grated orange rind and course sea salt.

*If you don’t have greek-style yogurt, use 6 cups of plain, whole milk yogurt. Line a strainer with a couple of layers of cheesecloth. Spoon yogurt on cheesecloth and let that strain for at least 4 hours in the refrigerator in a bowl large enough to catch the water that strains out. 6 cups of plain, whole milk yogurt will yield 3 cups strained.

I’m not the only one with ice cream and chilli on my mind….check out Cloudberry Quark’s Lemon Chilli Ice Cream

Maybe its because I’m a new food blogger (flogger, fooger, fo-blo?) but I didn’t know of David (so infamous that no last name is needed) until a couple of months ago, when he reached through the computer screen, wiggled through them tangled internet tubes to serenade me with sweet lullabies and woo me with a piece on How to Make the Perfect Espresso - which consequently jump-started a new espresso

addiction/obsession and the quest to capture the perfect Espresso con Panna photograph. Anyways, when I’m tootin’ around online reading other fo-blos, I generally categorize interesting finds in 3 main groups:

1) Food that looks so !%@#*!! perfect and pure that there is no way in hell that I would even attempt to replicate - for fear that my version would just look like a distant, mistreated, misunderstood beaten and battered cousin. Recipes from the masters like this, this and this.

2) Food that looks so scrumptious that I MUST try the dish in my immediate future. A swift flick of my wrist, a click on the del.icio.us button and the recipe is safely tucked away for fu.tur.e re.fere.nce, like this, this, this and this.

3) Food that I envy. Not because I can’t make it, but because I don’t have access to the ingredient, the professional, the moohla or the establishment. Now, back to David. Just about every floober in California lushed about Pinkberry (he, her, this gal and even him) and it just drove me totally insane that I live 1,600 miles from the closest Pinkberry. How could the entire state of California be so incredibly obsessed with frozen yogurt of all things?? How good could this fro-yo taste for people to endure 45 minutes in line and $35 parking tickets? Fro-yo was so 1985 - the same category that I file anomalies like M.C. Hammer, parachute pants, fingerless lace gloves and mile high bangs courtesy of AquaNet hairspray. Is it coming back in vogue again? But just two flavors? No chocolate? I had to book a ticket to come home and just see for myself. Of course, I justified the trip by saying, “oh, I’m coming to visit parents!” - but we all know my real motivation was to chase fro-yo around the globe. Nice rhyme and tagline, but how lame does that sound, you know? When I saw that Heidi of 101 Cookbooks published A Frozen Yogurt Recipe to Rival Pinkberry based on David’s new book , I really had to debate whether or not to make it. “What if it totally sucks and it tastes just like a tacky version of a dieter’s ice cream? Maybe I really should wait until I get to L.A. and just taste the real thing.” Even Smitten Kitchen raved about her affair with David and her Coconut Pinkcherry Yogurt. But in the end, I will always be an Instant Grat-Brat and NEED. TO. HAVE. IT. NOW. So I made it. All I can say it, “FRO-YO!!! You finally grew up and got rich!!!” This was nothing like the frozen yogurt that I remember from the 80’s. Instead it was tangy, creamy, luscious, full and rich. Given the choice of Haagen Dazs ice cream or Coconut Frozen Yogurt, there is no contest…fro-yo all the way, baby. I’m still going to L.A. next week so I’ll report back on how it compares to Pinkberry. Can’t afford an ice cream maker? Then you’ve gotta try this idea over at Obsession with Food.

So here it is: Co-Co Fro-Yo by a Fo-Blo:

Coconut Frozen Yogurt

Heidi (and I’m sure David, too) recommends using good quality whole milk yogurt. I can imagine that non-fat or low-fat yogurt wouldn’t work that well, as they would both have high water content. The recipe originally calls for Greek-style yogurt - but I don’t have that in the stores where I live. Instead I use regular yogurt and strain. If you are using Greek-style, skip the whole straining part.

Instead of embedding coconut flakes in the frozen yogurt itself, I use toasted coconut flakes as a topping. It adds gorgeous color, texture and flavor that you wouldn’t get otherwise.

A note on the amount of yogurt to use: The original recipe calls for 6 cups of whole milk yogurt strained to yield 3 cups. I’ve made this recipe 3 times now, the last time I started with (2) lg 32oz containers of yogurt (8 cups) that yielded about 4 cups strained. I didn’t change the amount of sugar. It still was delicious.

6 cups of whole milk plain flavored yogurt to yield 3 cups strained (see below) or 3 cups Greek-style yogurt
3/4 cup sugar
1 teaspoon coconut extract
1/2 cup sweetened coconut flakes
Ice cream maker (remember to freeze your insert if you have one)

1. Strain the yogurt: If you are using regular yogurt, you’ll need to strain the water out. If you are using Greek style yogurt, skip this step. Line your mesh strainer with a double-layer of cheesecloth. Spoon the yogurt in and let it sit propped over a bowl in the refrigerator for 6 hours until all water has drained out.

2. Mix and rest: Mix the strained yogurt with the sugar and coconut extract. Let it chill out in the refrigerator for 1 hour to let the sugar dissolve nicely.

3. Churn, baby, churn: Following instructions (if you can find them) that came with your ice cream maker, churn until it becomes the consistency that you like. My ice cream maker takes 25 minutes.

4. Toast coconut: While the fro-yo is churning, toast coconut. Take a dry medium skillet. Set on medium-high heat and add the coconut flakes. Stir constantly and in a couple of minutes, you’ll have beautifully toasted coconut flakes. Remove from heat immediately and set aside. To serve, sprinkle the toasted coconut on top of your frozen concoction.