My First Spam Fried Rice Victim

Max, the exec editor of Creative Loafing (weekly entertainment paper) gave me a shoutout on my Spam Fried Rice post. I thought it was so nice of him that I offered to bring a freshly fried batch of the stuff to his office. And he thought I wouldn’t follow through.

Yesterday, I did.

How could i not resist feeding Spam Fried Rice to a SPAM VIRGIN?! I mean, how does a grown American-bred man not have eaten Spam before in his life? That is just like, so un-American, you know? Isn’t it a mandatory rite-of-passage thing that every American must do before the age of 10? Didn’t every American housewife try to pass off Spam as “ham” at dinnertime? When you were a kid, didn’t you shudder with fear every time you heard the “STHLURP” when the Spam slithered out of its coffin and a “STHLUNK” when it landed on the counter top in a quivering, solid, gelatinous mass?

As a kid, every time we went back to Hong Kong for the summer, we always had thick slices of fried Spam for breakfast. It was something everyone thought was so exotic, “Its from America!” “Must be good!”

Now, my mom’s family in HK was pretty well-off back then. They had a chauffeur, a house-maid and a cook. Our meals included very fresh Chinese ingredients, only the best, and always lavishly prepared. Freshly baked pastries still warm from the bakery, beautifully marbled imported beef, insanely expensive bird vomit soup, just-caught-still -trying-to-breathe fish from the market, shark-fin soup, highly prized hairy crabs….and Spam.

Oh yeah and those canned baby Vienna sausage thingies (which I think is really Spam just pumped into a different mold. Some hot-shot corporate executive probably said, “lets try to make Spam look like delicate sausages and give it a fancy, exotic name……Vienna“)

So, you see, even the wealthy in Hong Kong praised the virtues of Spam!

Here is Max, right after the first bite: If Max ever wondered why he is constantly singled out by airport security, it was because he never had Spam before.

He is now, truly American. Max, your life will never be the same again. Here is his take on the Spamilicious Adventure.

And…of course, my recipe for Spam Fried Rice:

An Ode to Spam Fried Rice in the Style of Seuss