Guess who played with scissors?

andrew_scissors-copy

Hmmm…could it be this 5 year old boy named Andrew? Geez, I wonder if anyone will notice that he’s got a freakin’ chunk of his hair missing? Couldya be any more conspicuous? Clearly, I have not done my job as a mother well, teaching you the fine art of covert mischief-making.

Sheesh.

I need to step it up as a Mommy 2.0. – you know, the moms that are so super cool they let you stay up all hours, wear make up at 12 yrs old, hangs out with your friends, teaches you how to smoke a bong..all in the name of BEING A COOL MOM.

Well, what could I do? The damage had been done. I thought about letting him wear his hair like that for a week, just to teach him a lesson. But then, he’s FIVE. He thinks running around the house holding my bra right over his eyes looking like a rabid insect is cool.

I got out my hair-cutting gear. Cuz, like I’m too cheap to pay for real haircuts for my kids. Bribed him with a sucker to sit still:

andrew-hair-cut-003

Apparently suckers don’t buy happiness:

andrew-hair-cut-0011

I think this was a kid-sized F-you look:

andrew-hair-cut-004

Oops:

andrew-hair-cut-002

Better fix that. Blend! Blend! Smudge! Oh wait. This isn’t Photoshop:

andrew-hair-cut-1

Smudging hid that bald spot quite well! Good job Mom!

andrew-hair-cut-1-2

And some gel, and he’s good as new! AM I SUCH THE COOL MOM OR WHAT?!?!?

andrew-hair-cut-008

But wait. A haircut ALWAYS looks good right after you get it cut.

And it always looks like shit the morning after! Oh. Hmm….There’s that bald spot again. Brother is snickering in the back.

andrew-hair-cut-021

Yikes. That’s a dirty look. Back off, buck-o.

Y’all wondering what the hell I was using to mow his head? Well, I’m quite addicted to Amazon.com:

hair-cut <– That is the Remington HKVAC-2000 Precision Vacuum Haircut Kit

Which really is the Flowbee reincarnated. Remember this? You stuck the hose into your vacuum. and then it just sucked your hair up and cut it.

bunminivac2-copy webmombot2flat-copy <-Flowbee.com

Yes, they are still in business.

See, and the Remington HKVAC-2000 Precision Vacuum Haircut Kit works similarly. There’s a vacuum thingy inside this guy. And that blue area where I’ve circled is where the mowed hair gets trapped.

andrew-hair-cut

Unfortunately the Remington HKVAC-2000 Precision Vacuum Haircut Kit sucks. Really.

Comments 50

  1. Asianmommy

    You did a nice job–he looks adorable!

    My daughter did that when she was 3. Cut off a chunk in the back of her head. I brought her to the hairdresser, & she gave her a cute, short bob. I never realized how common it was until I told a bunch of people and their kids had done it, too. :)

  2. Mike

    rofl at the play-by-play and the product review. I’m too afraid to even cut my dog’s hair for fear of having her look choppy and awkward for months…lol, I let my wife do it while I hold the dog still….I could only imagine how I’d feel in this situation!

  3. Chris

    I loved this post for one reason. I always look at your posts and think “Man, she has her stuff so together and rocks.”

    It’s nice to know you have “these moments” too!

    Great post and funny!

  4. Susan at Sticky,Gooey,Creamy,Chewy

    Oh no! He is still gorgeous anyway! Rachel did the same thing when she was little. She cut a huge chunk of long, golden curls out of the back of her head. I almost died! Thank heaven for talented hairdressers! ;)

  5. Debbie in AZ

    LOL! My daughter did the same thing when she was about five years old only it was a patch above her ear so there was no “blending” that could be done. Another time, a couple of years later, she got gum in the back of her hair and she knew she wasn’t supposed to have gum because I was always finding it where it wasn’t supposed to be. So, she cut it out and thought I wouldn’t notice. I wasn’t sure whether to laugh or cry first when I saw it. Your photo sure brings back the parental memories (chuckle, chuckle).

  6. kat

    this is actually pretty mild, my friend’s son shaved off one eyebrow…still, glad you were able to fix things :)

  7. Kitt

    Ha ha ha ha ha! I would’ve just given him a quarter-inch crewcut like I do with the fiancé … only I use poodle clippers (I”m not kidding: here’s photographic proof). Tell Andrew if he does it again, Kitt is coming over.

  8. Janet

    That was hilarious!! Despite the circumstances, you pulled off a pretty good mommy cut- and he’s still a cutie. Now the bra/insect thing has me rolling- your house must be a blast some days!

  9. sharon

    Ha, hilarious! Well, I guess not really for you :) When I was little my big brother and I played barber. Needless to say he cut off all my hair and my mom was stuck telling people I was a girl until I turned 3!

  10. caroline

    I remember doing that myself when I was a kid. And my 4 year old did it recently, too. So it’s just a rite of passage that all kids have to go through…

    Too bad Flobee 2.0 didn’t work too well.

  11. Zereh

    haha My son cut my hair and his own! Oh yes, in one afternoon! oy

    He was nearly three. I was suffering from some nasty flu / cold bug so when he finally crashed for his afternoon nap, I did as well. I just conked out on the couch.

    When darling son woke up before me he spied the scissors which I’d so stupidly left lying on the kitchen counter. He promptly used them to thwack a nice hunk of his bangs off (a la Andrew, only blond). He obviously was not satisfied with his self-barbering. I was then blessed enough to be woken up by this gawd-awful “scruuuzchzzip” sound and the uncanny feeling that each individual hair that I just lost had feelings. =P

    No, it was just a lock of my overly-permed and long-ish hair. I lived. And so did he. My mom cut his bangs as short as possible without reaching into serious dorkdom trying to “blend it in” some. But it was damn obvious for about a month what he did.

    LOL Gotta love ‘em.

    Z

  12. Luna Pier Cook

    My daughter, prior to one of our daddy-daughter dates, thought she’d look prettier with some plucking like mommy did. Fortunately, all her eyelashes did grow back after a while …

  13. Jen da purse Ho

    If you want a flowbee, my dad bought one 15 years ago with all the hype on the commercial….he still has the damn thing. He asked me the other day if i could sell it on ebay and make some money for him on it. I just had to walk away or else I would have slapped him. lol

  14. Pigpigscorner

    I shaved my eyebrows when I was little, luckily they grew back! You did a great job there…lol. The vacuum thing is so cool!

  15. Judy

    My youngest did that to her hair AND her little friends!!! That was fun apologizing for…You did cover it up great!

  16. flfarmgirl

    Years ago, my daughter took the scissors to her Madame Alexander doll, eyelashes and just a few locks of hair. My granddaughter “styled” her own beautiful tresses, in about the same place as your son’s snip. Her mother was horrified. All I could say is “it’s okay, hair grows”. The M.A. doll didn’t fair as well as my living doll. I think is is truly a rite of passage.

  17. Phoo-D

    Too funny – running with scissors isn’t nearly as dangerous is it now?!

    Looks like you salvaged the situation the best you could!
    Phoo-D

  18. Diana

    Oh man, when I was little I cut my hair several times (usually because I wanted to see if putty would stick in it and when it did was afraid I’d get in trouble) and once I cut off my eyelashes. My mom cried and cried that time! She thought they’d never grow back, fortunately they did :) So the HKVAC is lame? I cut Eric’s hair with scissors and a comb and have been thinking of getting some kind of tool to make it faster and easier.

  19. Adrienne

    I was one of those kids who needed a LOT of stuff in the car with me on trips… including staplers, construction paper, tape dispensers, stickers, and of course, scissors. I gave myself that SAME haircut once :)

  20. radish

    Will never forget the Wayne’s World moment when they use the flow bee and I think Garth says “Look, it sucks as it cuts.” and Wayne reponds “Yes, it definitely does suck.” I think that movie came out when I was 12 and I still think it’s funny. Me and my 6th grade humor. Haircut looks awesome.

  21. Frodnesor

    This made me laugh, because I did the exact same thing to my hair at about the same age. I was 5, it was the early 70s, my mother insisted on cutting my hair in bangs, and everyone that was remotely cool had their hair parted in the middle and feathered (a style that has thankfully never returned). So in my infinite 5-year-old wisdom, I figured that all I needed to do was … cut a big triangle in my forehead. Quite a look.

    Your kids must really trust you to let you near them with that flowbee thing.

  22. Culinarywannabe

    Oh you are probably going to want to hide these pictures from him in about 15 years. I still give my mom hell about the bowl cut she gave me when I was like 2. The Flowbee is hysterical!

  23. Kristin

    Every five year old has to cut their own bangs just once. For me it was with my lefty scissors under the dining room table. And like I always say, cutting your own bangs is its own worst punishment … unless you are five.

  24. Carrie Oliver

    ROFLOL. So many above saying their kid did this but a few brave souls admitting that they, like I, gave themselves the same haircut when they were kids. Go Andrew, nice to have you join the club!

  25. Ann

    I have 5 kids, 4 have cut their own hair at some point. The worst was my son at age 6 who used the razor for my legs and went skunk stripe down the center of his head and then denied he had cut his hair!!! It will grow back fast!

  26. Sue

    When my nieces were young, the older one cut the younger ones’ hair, not once, but twice in a couple of days. My sister asked the younger one: “What did she say when she cut your hair again?”
    The reply: “Sit still”
    It was so cute!

  27. suzan

    One of my sons did the same thing at 4. It’s grown back now (he’s 29) but some of the haircuts he’s had since didn’t look much better.

  28. Farmer Gal

    That’s too funny. Except I shouldn’t laugh because I’m pretty sure my little ones will have the same kind of shinanagans in store for me one day really soon!

  29. Erica

    Ah, a right of passage. My brother did that the night before his bar mitzvah! You can imagine what the photos looked like.

    I have two boys also – that’s a good thing. One sees the other doing something and figures out if it’s ok to do it. I bet you won’t have to go through that again!

    Nice haircut,
    Cheers!

  30. Amy

    I didn’t get a chance to say good-bye today. I stepped out from the back room and *poof* you were gone! It was great seeing you and so glad you came in to start a project. No excuses now….come and visit now and again. Call if you need any help. We are so proud of all you have become! keep all the great work….and if you finish your project I will finish mine! Have a fun trip.

  31. Tracy

    Awww, he’s adorable! I have on with a serious cowlick right at his forehead and he always looks like he got into the scissors.

    I’m very disappointed to hear that the vacuum haircutter doesn’t work well. I have five sons and a husband. You don’t want to know how much money we give Fantastic Sams every month.

  32. Cakebrain

    ha ha ha! he’s so cute with the pouty red lips from the sucker and I’m so glad you didn’t give him a bowl-cut!

  33. joey

    Aw! He is really too adorable! Bald spot or no! :) You did yourself proud with the haircut though…it looks so pro!

  34. Bellini Valli

    This brought back memories. I remember when my daughter cut off her bangs completely because her Playschool farm animals needed hay:D I’m not as brave to cut our own hair so we had to live with it for a while:D

  35. Amorisa

    All kids gotta do it at least once! I did it when I was seven. Right above the middle of my forehead right before pictures at school. Ooops!

  36. Lizzie

    haha! DOH!

    Well, maybe he will learn his lesson.

    Playing with scissors = having to sit still. Oh no!

  37. Lynn

    Good save on the hair, Jaden. I thought it was just a girl thing, though, to chop off a hunk of your hair. Both my cherubs did and it’s not as easy to fix on a girl. They went around for weeks looking like they’d wrestled with a rabid badger. But they only did it once!

  38. Denise

    Hilarious AND Adorable! But you know, he could start a new hair trend with the ‘do he “cut”! LOL!!!

  39. Simone van den Berg

    O that was such an hilarious story!! Image actually do that to a 39 year old…:) Yes, I managed to do something similar to my husband once. It was in the back so he couldn’t see it.. haha.. he is bald now, since he shaves it all off, so we don’t have that problem anymore.
    I loved your story and I think his hair looks fine!!

  40. Nan

    At least he cut his own hair, my daughter was three when she cut her friend’s hair. I don’t think the friend’s mom ever forgave me. Luckily, we moved soon after.

  41. Kirsten

    I had to laugh so much about your post. The same happened to me, sorry, to my daughter. She played with scissors, too, and lookes pretty strange afterwards…..

  42. Janfrederick

    Ha! I did the SAME thing to myself when I was 5…although I mowed a lot more off, and it was the morning of my kindergarten shool pictures. Needless to say, my haircut was immortalized. ;)

  43. chunky

    good thing he didn’t get hold of a razor…my nephew (when he was andrew’s age) shaved his right eyebrow and i was really freaked out! andrew’s dirty look says “don’t mess with me anymore mom!” lol.

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