Guess who played with scissors?


Hmmm…could it be this 5 year old boy named Andrew? Geez, I wonder if anyone will notice that he’s got a freakin’ chunk of his hair missing? Couldya be any more conspicuous? Clearly, I have not done my job as a mother well, teaching you the fine art of covert mischief-making.


I need to step it up as a Mommy 2.0. – you know, the moms that are so super cool they let you stay up all hours, wear make up at 12 yrs old, hangs out with your friends, teaches you how to smoke a bong..all in the name of BEING A COOL MOM.

Well, what could I do? The damage had been done. I thought about letting him wear his hair like that for a week, just to teach him a lesson. But then, he’s FIVE. He thinks running around the house holding my bra right over his eyes looking like a rabid insect is cool.

I got out my hair-cutting gear. Cuz, like I’m too cheap to pay for real haircuts for my kids. Bribed him with a sucker to sit still:


Apparently suckers don’t buy happiness:


I think this was a kid-sized F-you look:




Better fix that. Blend! Blend! Smudge! Oh wait. This isn’t Photoshop:


Smudging hid that bald spot quite well! Good job Mom!


And some gel, and he’s good as new! AM I SUCH THE COOL MOM OR WHAT?!?!?


But wait. A haircut ALWAYS looks good right after you get it cut.

And it always looks like shit the morning after! Oh. Hmm….There’s that bald spot again. Brother is snickering in the back.


Yikes. That’s a dirty look. Back off, buck-o.

Y’all wondering what the hell I was using to mow his head? Well, I’m quite addicted to

hair-cut<– That is the Remington HKVAC-2000 Precision Vacuum Haircut Kit

Which really is the Flowbee reincarnated. Remember this? You stuck the hose into your vacuum. and then it just sucked your hair up and cut it.

bunminivac2-copywebmombot2flat-copy <

Yes, they are still in business.

See, and the Remington HKVAC-2000 Precision Vacuum Haircut Kit works similarly. There’s a vacuum thingy inside this guy. And that blue area where I’ve circled is where the mowed hair gets trapped.


Unfortunately the Remington HKVAC-2000 Precision Vacuum Haircut Kit sucks. Really.