I wrestled for quite a while on what to name this dish. Here were the options:
Guapalicious Ding Dong Wing Wongs
In the end, Chino-Latino won. However, Guapalicious Ding Dong Wing Wongs came in a close second.
Ok. So take Chinese Hoisin BBQ Sauce (sweet, sticky, salty sauce made from soy, garlic, sugar and vinegar) + Chipotle Peppers in Adobo Sauce (smoked jalepenos in a spicy spicy chili concoction).
HEY HEY HEY. Wait one stinkin’ moment here.…look below at the can. Did the company spell Chipotle wrong?!?!? Did I totally get ripped off with a Chipotle knock-off? NO WAY. We’re not talking about my $30 Guccie purse or $12 Louie Vuitton earrings or my $22 Channell belt. We’re talking about sabotaging my Chino-Latino wings.
Guys and gals, I need your opinion again. I have a new food column with an alternative weekly entertainment newspaper.
Boy, that suspiciously sounds like code for “porn magazine.”
Hmmm….let’s try again.
I’ll be writing for a KICK-ASS arts & entertainment paper called Creative Loafing…the one you pick up when you need to know what’s happening or where to eat in town. It’s also the same publication that makes pubescent boys giggle uncontrollably at the trashy ads in the back.
I’m supposed to submit a logo for “Jaden’s Steamy Kitchen” and a photo for the column. So I went to Simpsonize Me and came up with this:
(Ok you laugh, but let’s see yours)
Or I could do the whole “BAM!” thing…except I think I’d need to Chinkify it to Whhapppaaaachhhhaaa!!
(No, those are NOT my hairy arms. It’s an old photo of Emeril before he grew a third stomach)
But how about Giada? She’s got nice boobs. I thought she needed a cleaver and the wok spatula though. Damn. I look like I just slaughtered a pig.
(Yes. this is her. Don’t believe me?)
But how about this – at the request of a friend, here is Molto Miz Steamy. Although I think I need to modify the shoes – I would much rather have 4″ orange stilettos than clogs. Do you think I need to shave?
Then again, I could go the Rachel Ray route. I shoulda replaced the chocolate spoon with an Egg Roll or something) Totally. Like gag me with EVOO.
(or I could use any of these assorted suggestive shots of Rachel)
So, what do you think guys? Really. An honest opinion, k? If you have another suggestion, let me know. Because I really really care about projecting a good, innocent, wholesome brand image you know.
ummm…y’all know that I’m kidding about those photos, right?