While I love being on vacation, I really really super hate packing.
I’m the paranoid sort, and since having children, the disease has gotten worse. I hate being unprepared so I end up packing EVERYTHING.
Abnormal weather patterns? I’ve stuffed an umbrella, snow parka, sunscreen and a down comforter right here in my bag.
Chance of filleting a fish in the desert? My handy mini fish scaler in my back pocket.
Stuck in an elevator for 3 hours with a snotty, snifflin’ kid? Bring it on, baby. My antibacteria dispenses from a 5-inch hose.
This drives Scott totally crazy. He’s trying to pack, re-pack, sort through, throw things out shuffle and balance this idiotic 50-pound baggage weight limit, while I’m running like a mad woman around the house looking for more random-just-in-case things to sneak in the bag when he’s not looking.
Oh, while I’m on the subject, what’s up with all these shitty airline fees these days? $25 to check in a bag? $7 fee for human help? It’s getting quite ridiculous, and I have a feeling that if we don’t pipe up and stop this nonsense before we know it, we’ll be getting ding’d for using the airvent wind-tunnel over your seat that always seems to blow too hard and too cold or worse yet, getting charged per inch of seat belt that you use. If that’s not a good reason to diet, I don’t know what is. Suck that stomach in!
So, while my bags are bulging, stuffed to the hilt, I glance over at my kids and they are doing the same with their suitcase. Batmobile, 48 Matchbox cars, foam dartboard, Darth Vader, snorkel, rain boots, stuffed animals, a bag of Chex Mix, ninja dress-up suit, karaoke set, one kneepad and even a broken wireless mouse was tossed in. Lucky me that Scott hid the duct tape and kitchen timer the night before, otherwise we might have been detained at the security checkpoint for suspicious McGyver-ish contents.
Because traveling with these three clowns arouses enough suspicion.
Despite thinking that I packed for every known situation, there were two that I missed.
One was “what if my kids wanted to climb a tree?”
Totally forgot the pulley.
During our week stay at Club Med Punta Cana, the kids participated in their Mini Club, which is like a kids camp but better. Instead of learning sissy activities such as making pottery or fingerpainting, the counselors (or G.O.’s as they are called) taught the kids fabulous tricks…
like pick pocketing:
and put on a kid show to entertain the adults:
Like any proud parent, I was right there at the end to video tape my shining stars.
Until I was foiled:
Okay, fine. I’ll move:
Well shit! Stop moving in front of me!
I will move again. Now STAY mister! Do not cross the line.
And that’s the moment that I regretted not bringing along my 4-inch stilettos…even though an extra 4-inches taller might not have made a difference in this case, it would have been useful to use that heel to pin the guy down….either that or comb his hair.
As promised, I’m giving away a fancy $289 Zojirushi Rice Cooker to one of my email newsletter subscribers.
There’s something I learned in this Steamy Giveaway. You guys like free stuff. Let me re-phrase…you guys like EXPENSIVE SHIT.
Something else I learned, many of you are upset that I didn’t include RSS subscribers in this giveaway. The hate emails that I got! Man, you guys are a bunch of whiners.
Okay, on to announcing the winner, as chosen by the lovely random number generator from the pool of newsletter subscribers. The winner is….saregardner@___.com! Congrats to you – I will be emailing you shortly.