Why did the chicken cross the road???

Chicken

This has got to be one of the funniest posts here at Steamy Kitchen….just read the reader comments to the question of how do you think food celebs would answer this question:

Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road?

BARACK OBAMA:
The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a CHANGE! The chicken wanted CHANGE!

JOHN MC CAIN:
My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road.

HILLARY CLINTON:
When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little chicken to cross the road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified to ensure — right from Day One! — that every chicken in this country gets the chance it deserves to cross the road. But then, this really isn’t about me…….

DR. PHIL:
The problem we have here is that this chicken won’t realize that he must first deal with the problem on ‘THIS’ side of the road before it goes after the problem on the ‘OTHER SIDE’ of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he’s acting by not taking on his ‘CURRENT’ problems before adding ‘NEW’ problems.

OPRAH:
Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I’m going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.

GEORGE W. BUSH:
We don’t really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our
side of the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.

COLIN POWELL:
Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the
road…

ANDERSON COOPER – CNN:
We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the
other side of the road.

JOHN KERRY:
Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken’s intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.

NANCY GRACE:
That chicken crossed the road because he’s GUILTY! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.

PAT BUCHANAN:
To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.

MARTHA STEWART:
No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer’s Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.

DR SEUSS:
Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I’ve not been told.

GRANDPA:
In my day we didn’t ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.

BARBARA WALTERS:
Isn’t that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart-warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its life-long dream of crossing the road.

ARISTOTLE:
It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

JOHN LENNON:
Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace.

BILL GATES:
I have just released eChicken2009, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your check book. Internet Explorer is an integral part of the Chicken. This new platform is much more stable and will never cra………… Reboot.

ALBERT EINSTEIN:
Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?

BILL CLINTON:
I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What is your definition of chicken?

COLONEL SANDERS:
Did I miss one?

DICK CHENEY:
Where’s my gun?

AL SHARPTON:
Why are all the chickens white? We need some black chickens.

Chicken Keep this joke alive!!! Gimmee some good answers! Chairman Kaga, David Lebovitz? Chris Kimball? Emeril? Sandra Lee? Al Roker? Giada? Duff Goldman? Cat Cora? Tyler Florence? Nigella Lawson? Marc Summer? Chiarello? Myth Busters? Zimmern? Harold McGee? Galloping Gourmet? Amateur Gourmet? Katie Lee Joel? Padma? Ted Allen? Rocco? The Ronco infomercial dude?

Comments 71

  1. Wandering Chopsticks

    This was just too funny!

    Food bloggers: Chickens crossing roads? Well, since I saw it on Steamy Kitchen, it must be a new food trend. Henceforth, no more caged chickens. Chickens must freely roam by crossing roads, thereby making their meat leaner and tender, yet firm.

    Wait, says Wandering Chopsticks, Vietnamese already do that. We call them “ga di bo” (Vietnamese walking chickens ie. free-range chickens). Ideal for make Hainanese chicken rice. :)

  2. Bethie Q.

    Jaden of Steamy Kitchen:

    “Who the F*** cares why the chicken crossing the road!? Hurry! Let’s catch the stupid thing and roast it!”

    ;-)

  3. Wookie

    Padma: Chicken, please pack your knives and go.

    Rocco: **Rocco wouldn’t actually say anthing, but allow all the product placement to send the message** The chicken drank Coors Light, paid his tab, using American Express, got into his SUV provided generously by General Motors, adjusted his RayBans before driving across the street, where there was an American Apparel store.

    Ronco Infomercial Dude (Ron Popeil): Do you have chickens that need watching? Are they always heading across the road? Well, with my rotisserie oven, your chicken will never have the chance! You just grab the chicken, slide it into the roaster, and you SET IT & FORGET IT!!! No more wandering chicken problem! Heck, after you SET IT & FORGET IT, you could cross the road and when you come back, LOOK at this beautiful roasted chicken! **paid audience ooohs and aaahs.**

  4. TONY

    rachael raytard: ” Why is the chicken cross the road?…I don’t know, but that chicken has nicer, bigger and plumper breasts than I do…yummo”
    aunt sandy: ” Why is the chicken crossing the road…I guess to help me make and drink cocktails and to use as a tablescape…wow, that chicken has nice breasts that don’t sag!
    Emeril: “Because the chicken knows I will wash him, the knife, cutting board, counter tops the bag it came in and the car I drove to buy him. Then I’m going to show him how to use the knob on the oven and stove…throw out all my old spices…you know who you are…then I am going to show him how I am going to season him, because he knows he came from the other side of the road and didn’t come seasoned!”
    Alton: “Wow, that chicken has bigger man boobs that I do!”
    guy fiero? “The chicken is going to teach me how to do my hair to look like comb and my beard like his wattle…cool…that’s off the hook DUDE…OH and he’s going to tell me where I can get some new flip flops that look like chicken feet…I broke mine by slipping on a greasy kitchen floor at one of the dives in was in”

  5. TONY

    Paula Deen: “Y’all know why the chicken crossed the yonder road…soo’s I could show him my face lift and tell ‘Y’ I didn’t get liposuction on my big saggy ass…then Y’all, I’m going to rub him with one pound of butter, season him with my complicated house seasonen’ , 1 pound of brown sugar and cook him in five pounds of lard and feed him to Michael…Y’all come back ya’ hear”
    Ina Garten: The chicken crossed the road, because he knows I will use really good salt, really good pepper, really good extra virgin olive oil, and cook him really good in my really good oven and serve him to my really good gay friends, in my really good house in the really good Hamptons. WAIT, let me get my really good and greasy hair out of my face first….there, now let me touch my really good ingredients! Do you think I should talk to Paula Deen about a face lift and liposuction?

  6. TONY

    boobie flay: ” The chicken is crossing the road so I can ridicule him in my rude, arrogant, self centered attitude with a stupid smirk on my ugly little red headed peanut head…even though he is a better cook…just like Jack McDavid.”
    guy fieri?: He crossed the road so I can teach him how to dress like a 12 year old boy, who can grow chin pubs…uses more hair mousse than a street walker (mommie) and big earring, just like my mommie. DUDE, the chicken likes my earrings…but he doesn’t have ears:(…poor little dude…he likes all my tattoos, but you can’t see them unless you pluck him feathers, but I’m too much of a sissy boy for that….Do you think I should ask Ina Garten if I can come over and play…wink, wink;) with her gay friends? Maybe boobie flay, my idol, will come too! I’ll even show them my hidden tattoos and piercings”

  7. Vitor Hugo

    ROFLMAO!! And by the way, Jeff (bourdain) and Bethie Q. pwned!

    David Lebovitz: because it’s chocolate tour!
    Nigella: to get some gorgeous, gorgeous, gorgeous cocoa powder.
    Jamie Olive: a crispy, golden, delish, happy days… what was the recipe?

  8. Nate

    Chairman Kaga: The secret ingredient is…free range chick– what the –?? Where’d the fricken chicken go?!?

  9. aa

    Guy Fieri: To avoid being hit by my Red Convertible before ending up on a diner griddle
    Giada: Coz you see more of my breats than its breasts on the show?
    Chrisa Kimball : we normally saw a drunk, dazed, lost inconfident adolescent chicken on this side of the road- to give it a sense of purpose we made it cross to the other side. To know how YOU can make a focussed, ambitious, purposeful chicken in your kitchen…

    But this post HAS been completely hilarious….I especially loved the Ina Garten comment it was “really good” :P :)

  10. Zenchef

    David Lebovitz on Viagra: (nervously) The chicken crossed the road!!??.. which way..which way did he go??… Come back to me you little #@$%!! (running off)..

    Later that night ‘quack, quack, Ziiip, quaaaaack!!’ was heard in the distance.

    Oops.. sorry. At least i’m late to comment. Hopefully nobody will read this. Sowwy!! hehe.. hehe.. hehe (uncontrollable laughter). :-)

  11. Elizabeth

    Bobby Flay: This chicken thinks we are filming a documentary on crossing the road. But I have practiced crossing the road with several techniques and I will challenge the chicken to a road-crossing THROWDOWN!

  12. tastyeatsathome

    Andrew D’Ambrosi (Top Chef): Jaden Hair Szechuan Peppercorn Chicken, you look so yummy I have a culinary boner right now! I best get my a$$ to the other side!

    That’s all I got. Great site Jaden!

  13. Jennifer

    I couldn’t top any of these comments. But thought this was great! I “thumbed up” it on stumbleupon … hopefully others will find this great post too. I think Oprah’s comment was the best.

  14. Shezza

    Mythbusters – Because we shot it with our chicken gun.
    p.s. I think that they actually said that in real life

  15. Eileen

    Love this! Am going to repost, if that’s ok (if not, just let me know!)

  16. Jim S

    BARACK OBAMA:
    If the chicken likes it’s road, it can cross it.

    AL GORE:
    I invented the chicken. I invented the road. Therefore, the chicken
    crossing the road represented the application of these two different
    functions of government in a new, reinvented way designed to bring greater
    services to the American people.

    BILL CLINTON:
    I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do you mean by chicken?
    Could you define chicken please?

    HILLARY CLINTON:
    Was it a KFC commercial that made them do it? They crossed the road. At this point what difference does it make?

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