We’ve all been there. That era of a relationship where things start to feel a little too routine, a little too predictable, and you’re left wondering what happened to the FIRE. Before you know it, you’re Googling “how to get the spark back”, and looking up vacations and… unconventional positions. Anything to rekindle the intensity of the honeymoon period.
Know that you’re not alone. It’s an inevitable part of most relationships, but one that couples can survive and learn to thrive in. The secret isn’t in getting inventive or spicing things up with the latest fad. It’s about tapping into the passion that lies in the power of polarity—the magnetic push and pull between masculine and feminine energies.
And no, before you roll your eyes, this isn’t some #tradwife narrative where femininity is reduced to passive submission, or about adhering to gender roles or the outdated ideas of what men and women should be. Let’s make that crystal clear upfront: honoring the dance between masculine and feminine energies isn’t confined to traditional gender roles or heteronormativity. This is about energy—raw, powerful, and universal—and we all carry both, regardless of gender or sexual orientation.
What is Polarity?
At its core, polarity is about having an awareness of the energy we bring to our relationships. Passion thrives in duality when two energies, masculine and feminine, collide and complement each other. Feminine energy is anything but weak. It’s fluid and fierce in its own way, and includes powerful traits like inner insight, emotional and spiritual intelligence, intuition, and creativity. Its undercurrent is that of adaptability and sensuality. It flows, it nurtures, it redirects, and it sees. Feminine energy is like water, adapting, shifting, changing, always in motion. Personally, I find that when I show up in that energy, I’m doing anything but shrinking or submitting; I’m embracing a strength that’s dynamic and confident.
Masculine energy, on the other hand, is about action and focus. It’s about direction, drive, and the stability that comes with protecting, providing, and pushing forward. It’s an energy that holds ground, a singular focus that gets sh*t done. Masculine energy, at its best, isn’t about control or domination; it’s about creating a space where things can flourish.
Like magnets that attract each other when presented with opposite polarities, magic happens within the waltz between these two energies. The more distinct the energies, the more powerful the connection. The tension created by this duality is where passion lives. In my own life, it presents itself most potently when I allow space for my partner to step fully into his masculine energy, and support it with my feminine energy, though this will look differently for each couple. But when you get it right, the balance is intoxicating.
Transcending Gender Roles
Let me be clear. This is not about men adhering to the “tough guy” role, or women being predestined to act as “soft nurturer”. It’s much more nuanced. Each of us carries both energies, and it’s common for them to shift based on the needs of the moment. This concept also transcends gender and sexual orientation.
In relationships between two men, two women, or nonbinary partners, the dance of masculine and feminine energy still plays out because it’s not about biology, it’s about the energy you bring to the table. In a partnership between two men, for example, one may step into a more creative, intuitive role, while the other takes on the more action-oriented, driven energy. The polarity is still there, even if the outward appearance doesn’t conform to societal expectations of what “masculine” or “feminine” should look like. It’s a balance that empowers both partners, not by conforming to gender norms, but by understanding and respecting the power of these contrasting energies. At times, each partner may alternate between these archetypal forces, with one partner taking on the more masculine energy in one scenario and feminine in another. The beauty of this balance lies in its fluidity—it’s not rigid or fixed, but responsive to the needs of both individuals. At the end of the day, the strength of the relationship doesn’t lie in how the world sees you but in how you show up for each other, and in how you recognize and balance these energies to create a passionate and fulfilling connection.
Conflicting Energies
What happens when two partners confront each other with the same energy at the same time? It’s not an entirely avoidable scenario, and I find that it occurs even in my own marriage. My husband and I often approach stressful situations with the same type of energy: masculine. This is not where my strength lies, and I know it, but in a momentary and instinctual response to stressors, I have been known to bulldoze his efforts and try to control the situation on my own. When I do this, our dynamic is anything but in sync. In time, I usually come to realize I’ve effectively shoved him out of his energy, stepped on his toes in the process, and created a power struggle instead of balance. And, in doing so, I’ve also abandoned my own zone of genius. When I finally step back into my flow—my feminine energy—it’s like turning the key in the ignition of our relationship. Suddenly, there’s space for him to rise to the occasion, and I’m often delightfully surprised at his innovative approach to the situation. For him, handling stressors instills further confidence in his ability to protect and provide, and for me, witnessing him master his own zone of genius is sexy as hell. The more we’re able to support each other in this way, the more passion, trust, and connection we invite into our marriage.
Polarity is all about supporting each other’s strengths, making space for your partner to step into their own, and creating an environment where both energies can thrive. Passion lives in honoring what makes each of us, and our energies, so unique.
So, whether you’re showing up in your fiery feminine flow or your grounded masculine drive, remember that the more you lean into your energy, the more space you create for someone else to rise to theirs. And there’s nothing sexier than that.
Originally published in the print edition of Vegas Wellness Magazine.
Flip through the October 2024 issue here. and check out the article on the Vegas Wellness blog.
