I’ve written a handful of times how our family has taken on “just eat real food” mantra that we originally heard Underground Wellness podcast. We love it! It makes grocery shopping and deciding what to eat so easy: JERF or not-JERF.
That doesn’t mean we don’t ever eat junk food. We’re just conscious of what we are putting in our mouths. Want a Snickers bar? Sure! Just know it’s not-JERF, call it for what it is. Not real food. But, enjoy that sugar!
The words you choose are so very important. It’s what shapes your decisions, how you feel, and how you view the world around you. We choose to call soda as, “sugar.” Any food that we can’t grow, hunt, gather or make from scratch, simply, is called,”not-JERF” or “junk.”
For the boys, they fully understand the concept – here’s how we manage our junk food (or not-JERF) consumption, and why, despite all my research and encouraging people to eat more real food, I let my kids eat junk food.
Before you judge our family, please read the entire post.
Why I let my kids eat junk food
I believe in free choice.
I believe in training my children how to evaluate opportunities, understand consequence and have the freedom to choose based on all of the information.
In essence, they are building the muscle that will help them become excellent, responsible, human beings.
Also, we’ve found that the more we banned or denied our kids something, the more they wanted it. Heck, I was like that, too!
But let’s first talk about money
Let’s back up a bit, so that I can explain the junk food thing more clearly. My children do not get an allowance. I don’t believe that they should get used to getting money for free, without work.
I want my kids to grow up not expecting or relying on government freebies, unemployment, social security (will it even exist? will I even get back what I’ve already put my hard-earned money into?), or any programs. If people are in a dire situation, sure, there are programs that are meant to be a temporary solution, to help people get back on their feet, like unemployment. But, I want to teach my kids to help themselves first, BEFORE expecting someone (or something) else to take care of them.
EDIT: For the record, this has nothing to do with politics. I’m neither a Democrat or Republican, I support different policies of each, but believe the political system is broken, with so many clownhats running the show. I refuse to pigeonhole or label myself as either. I don’t mean to belittle anyone on unemployment or social security. I’ve been on unemployment before, several times. I have family members who depend on their social security checks to buy groceries each month.
My post is about building the muscle of self-reliance.
My post is on teaching our kids that they have the power and control to make decisions, good or bad — and there are consequences of each. ~Jaden
Instead of an allowance, my kids work
They are free to work in our family business, or to start their own business. We’ve dabbled in them selling our hens’ eggs to friends, but we probably would need a flock of 25 hens to make a decent business.
The boys have found more success in working on Steamy Kitchen. They read and approve comments (and slingshot virtual stink bombs to spammers), create recipes, cook and patiently pose for photographs.
With our 5-acres, there’s always a job to be done. Frankly, it’s too much work for just Scott to handle alone. I’m happy to help when it’s NOT 98-degrees outside with 134% humidity.
So, Andrew and Nathan earn money pulling weeds, caring for the aquaponics garden, mowing the lawn and any other work that’s outside their scope of “Family Contribution.”
What are Family Contributions? Well, you and I grew up calling them “Chores.”
They are things we have to do together, as a family, to keep our house running clean, smooth, and thriving. They are non-paid activities, they are the baseline for what every member of our family contributes.
There’s a saying that I learned from a baby book, called BabyWise. “Start as you intend to go on.” Meaning, if I want my children to grow up to have a clean home without expecting someone to pay them for doing dishes, or vacuuming, then I start by setting that expectation from the very beginning.
It wasn’t always easy. We used to give weekly allowance, we used to pay our kids extra to do chores, like 50-cents for taking out the trash. But, the boys started expecting and felt entitled to money every time they performed daily household activities.
Very quickly, on our old method, the kids began focusing on the money, and not contribution. “If I wash the dishes, I get $1.00.” vs. “A clean kitchen makes our family feel good.”
Child labor
Andrew is a whiz on the computer. He codes in Java (parents, check out Youth Digital and Code.org!), learns software lightening fast and can type almost as fast as I can.
Have you downloaded the free Asian Masters of Flavor booklet? It’s right there on the sidebar! Well, Andrew helped me design and put it together in Pages, a word processing program on the Mac. He’s awesome in Pages.
He earned $7.93 per hour, minimum wage in Florida. For one hour’s work, here’s where his money goes:
70% Spending account
20% Savings account
10% Charity account
Andrew earns 8% interest rate.
Nathan helps approve and moderate comments (so please no naughty words in the comments!)
How the kids keep track of money
We use an app called KidsBank to keep track of all of their money. Unfortunately, I can’t find a bank who will provide free checking account DEBIT card for minors.
I know a lot of banks offer free checking and savings accounts for kids, but I am looking for one that:
1) Is connected to my bank account to make transfers easy
2) Offers a free debit card so that the kids can actively PAY for the item they want with their own debit card. Some banks offer debit cards for 16 year olds and older, but my kids are 9 and 11.
If a bank doesn’t have the free debit card, it’s not worth my time (or the accountant’s time) to have 2 additional checking accounts to keep track of and balance.
Right now, it’s just easier to track via an app. The great thing about KidsBank app is that it gives a very satisfying “cha-ching” sound for transactions!
Spending Saving Giving
Anything in their Spending account is theirs, free to do whatever they want. They’ve earned the right to spend that money, and they are learning responsible spending habits.
This past weekend, they chose to spend their money on junk food.
The money in Savings is for big purchases or gifts they want to buy for Christmas or birthdays.
Their savings account is NOT for college
I don’t want them to save for college or even a car yet. For those big ticket items, I want them to create a business that will generate TENS OF THOUSANDS of dollars.
I want them to learn to create value in a big way. Scott and I made a decision from the start to raise our kids with an entrepreneurial spirit.
Do you remember the movie, Robots, Inc.? There’s a quote that I love in the movie, “Find a need, fill a need.” The boys grew up watching that movie.
We’ll wait until they are just a little older to start them on that big journey. Right now, they need to focus on their grades (ahem, Nathan.).
Perhaps, if there is enough interest, I’ll write about business + kids in another post.
The Charity account is self explanatory. Andrew only has 70-cents in his charity account because he purchased a laptop for a student in his school who is incredibly gifted, but is currently in less than ideal family circumstances.
We chose not to know who that student is, we have an understanding with Ms. Douglas, the registrar of the school, that if there is ever an opportunity to help a student in a massive way, to let us know.
Andrew and I went to the store, picked out the laptop and purchased it. He delivered it to Ms. Douglas.
I don’t tell you this to impress you, our giving doesn’t come from a place of ego, but I want to stress the importance of kids giving back in a real, concrete way. In a “right in my backyard” kind of way, to support our local community, right here at home.
We’ve always taught the boys to take care of our fellow neighbors first, do as much as we can to uplift our hometown. I’m not saying that donating money to helping those in other countries is bad in any way — this is just our family choice.
But back to the junk food
Yes, it’s nasty stuff. Full of empty calories and chemicals. But if they spend their own money to purchase the junk, and they cook it themselves, that’s fine by me.
When I shop, I fill my cart with the good stuff, or “JERF.”
If the kids want not-JERF, they have to pay for it themselves. When kids consciously make that decision to spend their hard-earned money on something, they begin to appreciate things more.
Before we took the allowance away, when we would go shopping, they would just toss things into the grocery cart without a thought.
Now, we find what’s on sale. 2-for-1 deals and calculate the biggest value purchase. Or we go without the Cheetos, it’s their choice.
They cook their own junk
If they want a dinner made up of…
“Enriched Macaroni (wheat flour, niacin, ferrous sulfate, thiamin mononitrate, riboflavin, folic acid), Corn Starch, Salt, Enriched Flour (wheat flour, niacin, iron, thiamin mononitrate, riboflavin, folic acid), Sugar, Ricotta Cheese* (whey, milkfat, lactic acid, salt), Tomato*, Monosodium Glutamate, Maltodextrin, Citric Acid, Partially Hydrogenated Soybean Oil, Modified Corn Starch, Natural and Artificial Flavor, Paprika, Spice, Color (yellow lakes 5 & 6, yellows 5 & 6), Mono and Diglycerides, Cheddar Cheese* (milk, cheese cultures, salt, enzymes), Yeast Extract, Enzyme Modified Blue Cheese (milk, cheese cultures, salt, enzymes), Cream, Whey, Enzyme Modified Cheddar Cheese (milk, cheese cultures, salt, enzymes), Butter Oil, Nonfat Milk, Blue Cheese* (milk, salt, cheese cultures, enzymes), Sodium Caseinate, Silicon Dioxide (anticaking agent), Sodium Phosphate, Sodium Citrate, Calcium Caseinate, Enzymes.*Dried”
…(basically, those are the ingredients in the Cheeseburger Macaroni), then they have to cook it themselves and clean up afterwards.
Do you like my temporary outdoor camping stove while my kitchen is being remodeled? I’ve been cooking there for the past 2 months! My kitchen is allllmoooost done!
For a lot of kids, even the hassle of cleanup is such a chore, that they’ll just decide they don’t want the food anyways. But, for Andrew and Nathan, they enjoy cooking and cleanup is part of their everyday family contribution, so that pressure really doesn’t work for us.
A game at the dinner table
Another thing that we do while we enjoy that yummy, “Partially Hydrogenated Soybean Oil,” is that we’ll take the box with us at the dinner table and we’ll make a game out going through each and every ingredient and trying to figure out which ingredient is where in the food.
“Hmmm…can you taste that chemical Sodium Citrate? Where do you think it is? In the sauce or pasta?”
“Do you see the Yellow 5 & 6 food coloring? What do you think it does to your body?”
Hopefully, these types of conversations will dissuade them from making bad food choices, but at the very least, it makes them think carefully about what they choose to put into their bodies.
Making the conversation more like a game than a lecture definitely helps get through to the kids.
Resources:
KidsBank (iPhone app) $2.99 – they have a free version as well. We’ve been using it for a couple of years now. The interface isn’t as smooth and slick as I’d like it, but it works.
I created a Free Kids Spend/Save/Give Worksheet for you. Would you like a copy? I hope it helps you and your children talk about money, earning money and giving back to the community.
I’d love to hear from you – do you have any strategies to help kids manage their money, spend their money and eat less junk?
Did you try this recipe? Please leave a star rating in the recipe card below and leave a review in the comment section! I always appreciate your feedback and I know other readers do, too!
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500 dollaes for bills
I just stumbled on this blog recently. Imo, your children are fortunate to have parents who are “teaching” them at an early age appropriate self-responsibility and important life&social skills. It is also good for their self-esteem and self-confidence. Although SS and UI are necessary safety nets for people going through unforeseen struggles, having the skills to pull themselves out of it, if possible, is important too. You are being a healthy role model for your kids. Also, what is important is that they have some self-dedicated time to pursue their own hobbies.
Thank you so much Kati!
You’re a great mom! My daughter is only 5 years old and I’m trying to think ahead about lots of things Thanks for the tips and a very engaging post.
When i was a kid, i ate lot of fried chicken junk food. And sometimes burger. I had a little obesity when i was a kid. Now i rarely eat junk food anymore.
Because i heard they contains high salt, and fat 🙂
I also allow my kids to eat junk food on occasion. I know a woman who never let her children eat junk food growing up and now her son who is in his 20’s eats nothing but junk food every day.
I like your comment about why you let your children eat junk food.. And its completely true. The more you prohibit the child the more they are curious specially for food.
Wow, what an engaging and thoughtful post. I only have a 10 month old daughter but I am already trying to think ahead about this kind of stuff. You seem like a wonderful mom, you go girl!
I love all of these tips! Especially that you allow the kids junk food if they purchase it themselves. I definitely think moderation is key and letting kids have some choice when it comes to spending their own money.
Wow. Here’s my story which totally reinforces your practices:
My dad died at age 38 leaving my mother (with only a highschool education) to raise 4 kids. We were blessed to have Social Security in place (it kept the family from being split up into foster care for purely financial reasons-which is probably the ideal example: the program was invented and had the effect of heavily pushing all of us to do anything we could to stay together) but mother made it clear that she couldn’t do it all and if the whole family didn’t pitch in there would be no more “family” and we would be broken up without necessarily ever seeing each other again and that put a scare into us as little kids. So we grew up with all our chores being a given and compensation was unheard of. Compensation was not going into the foster care system. So one of my chores was starting dinner after I got home from school, even as young as 8. And ironing. And cleaning. Etc. The thing was, we knew other families were different, but my mother was always matter-of-fact with us saying “this is the way OUR family is” to immediately prevent whining and complaining. It was the way it was and it was as hard for our mom as it was for us kids. It was just the way it was.
Her lessons sunk in. My net worth today is over a million dollars, I put myself through college and helped my husband start a successful independent business so he could stop the punching a time clock thing and live his dream of helping people by taking care of their homes. I got a bachelor’s degree in science (although it took 19 years) and have had a successful 35 year career with Fortune 500 companies. I survived a divorce and was blessed to pass my life lessons on to my son who also put himself through college and recently completed a MBA and achieved a job that he would not have had he not positioned all of his skills and knowledge to achieve.
Not wanting to brag. Just wanting to say that kids don’t need a friend as much as they need a parent/leader. They want direction which a leader can provide. You need to separate what you want to give them with what you need to demonstrate to them.
I owe everything I have achieved to my mother. In the face of tragedy, her attitude was always “play the hand you were dealt”. And “NO whining”. We knew we were different, we knew we had different “rules”, we knew we didn’t get any freebies.
Thank goodness for a mother who had the spiritual and moral strength to lead her family.
I truly believe that if you, as a parent, present things as “this is the way it is, you will assimilate”, you will be amazed at how adaptive and compliant and even happy your kids will be. Don’t be afraid to lead.
I think this is an amazing post! I’m not a parent yet, but I always envisioned having a junk food day once a month where everyone in the family got to get their cravings out, and then the other 30ish days of the month were JERF only. My brother and I actually grew up in a similar way where we didn’t get money for doing “chores” but if we did extra tasks we might get a little compensation. If we wanted anything like candy we would pay for it ourselves. It worked really well. Even if we raise our kids JERF only, it’s unrealistic to believe that they will not be exposed to junk foods, so why not allow them to eat them (in moderation, of course) while instilling entrepreneurial values in them.
Thank you Jor!
I think this is just fabulous! All of it! Awesome!!
I don’t know…hamburger helper?…yeecchh – a lot more tasty to hack the recipe and build it from scratch-minus the trans fats and chemicals and lower the salts and adding a better quality pasta and cheese…They say ‘food is life’ and cooking is a definite positive life-skill…since ya’ gotta eat every day- why not eat well ?
Keep up the good works and sorry about your chicken.
Aloha.
And I don’t care what they say about ‘junk food’- one can never have too many peanut ‘M&M’s’…
The “game” of ingredients discussion when the kids are eating junk seems harsh. If they have chosen and paid for and prepared their own food choice maybe you could just let them enjoy it?
While I agree that you might want to ease up on the “game” because they bought it, cooked it and put it on your table, I’ll make a different suggestion. You can probably point out that a home version of Hamburger Helper (which you all could come up with at that time) might be JERF which means you might pay for it and fix it, lol. Even if it’s not JERF, it would certainly taste better and be healthier! I’m with Rik; hack that recipe!
Hi, Jaden, I’m new here. One thing caught my eye- the 8% interest rate. Who pays that these days? Not in my area. I love your post. My husband and I tried to instill the same in our kids. The results varied but overall it is good. I love the easy and effortless (!) way you write. Wish I could do the same. Wishing you a nice day today.
Linda Gitschlag
On October 30, I asked: Where does Andrew earn an 8% interest rate? Can I put my savings there too???
…still waiting for an answer. Here it’s more like 0.8%.
🙂 It’s called the Bank of Steamy Kitchen. We invest our money in stocks, bonds, and average about 8%. So, that’s what we give our kids too.
Absolutely love this. You are so on-top of this. Wish more parents were as thoughtful and responsible as you. Your kids are going to be much better off because of it!
Love this! Becoming a responsible adult has to start somewhere… right? Great article!
Hey sometimes I want junk food too and I let my kids have junk food as well but it’s a”treat” and we teach them to have a balance in life…the jerf and non-jerf (with more emphasis on jerf) You’re doing great and I hope you didn’t feel compelled to justify your parental choices to us. Thanks also for some great parental tips…but I’m total looking forward to your great recipes!
Thank you to everyone who commented and subscribed to our website! 🙂
I have to admit that I am now 70 years young, but when my sister (two years younger) and I were growing up, we got $1 “allowance” each week but we had to do the dishes (no dishwashers in those days but the 2 of us standing at the sink!) after each meal, dust, vacuum what carpet there was, clean the bathrooms, tidy our rooms. Our “chore” list was posted in the kitchen and we checked off each chore. And, if we did a good job, a dollar bill was attached to each chart at the end of the week. I asked her the other day, but neither of us remembers any deductions; it was just expected. The summer months we spent with our grandmother were NOT paid chores. Just being part of the family. The whole family pitched in and I believe that seeing our mother and aunts doing “chores” was as important as the ones we were assigned to do. As an amusing point, she & I add that when we got married, we were surprised (and alarmed) that housework did not get done in 1 hour on Saturday. I would add that our mother was a school teacher and Aunt Mary was a telephone operator. Not much money there. However, I would absolutely declare that in retrospect our lives were rich. Thought you, Scott, Nathan, and Andrew might like to know. Regards and be happy.
Bravo woman!! You are doing a wonderful job!! Next time someone makes a snarky comment regarding food choices…stick a carrot in their mouth…hum them up!! <3
Love this!! One of the most engaging, interesting posts I’ve read in a long time! I have a six year old son and we have just started paying him for ‘chores’ around the house too. I agree completely that they shouldn’t just get handouts. I’m also trying to instill him with good money habits in terms of saving and giving back. Looking forward to reading your next post…
WOW! LOVE this post, will share with my Mom at 41 Community. Setting up a good/bad foods or good/bad choices doesn’t teach our kids how to think on their own. I truly admire what you are doing as a Mom, and teaching your kids how to think for themselves. Fantastic!
Jaden, I love your thoughtful approach to food, money, contribution and education. I could write an entire post in response to your post (I love these topics) but I will simply state that I agree that if children are taught to make choices consciously – and what the consequences are for every decision – they are more likely over time to make choices that are in the interest of their health, wealth and well being. And they will love you for treating them as a person with the dignity to make those choices.
I love all of these tips! Especially that you allow the kids junk food if they purchase it themselves. I definitely think moderation is key and letting kids have some choice when it comes to spending their own money.
Love that you guys have the kids working productively instead of simply receiving – my parents put me to work early and I am so grateful they did!
As a foodie, I’m always looking for new recipes – loving the information on your site!
I believe in freedom of choice for all and for children to decide if and when they can have some junk food..but i never kept alot of it on hand in the house–and preety much cooked real meals nightely
how old were your kids when you started doing all this? I have a 3 year old I have the most horrible time trying to feed (to the point of going to specialists) and my 19 month old is starting to follow his lead, it’s so frustrating!
Hi Jami-
Keep trying with your 3-year old! Here’s one thing I learned about being a mom. I give in too easily! Also, I have this irrational fear that they’ll starve and wither away if they skip a meal. I just have to remember what my Mom was great at – there’s only one meal for the family. She never cooked separately for us. This was dinner and we eat it.
For a while, Andrew was so picky (right around age 3) and if he didn’t like what I made for family dinner, I’d go back into the kitchen and make something else for him. I was afraid that he’d starve if he didn’t eat that dinner LOL! I started “training” him that all he needed to do was refuse to eat the food…and Mommy would go make something yummy for me.
Once I realized this, I stopped and took a lesson from my Mom. If you don’t like it, too bad. This is what we eat for dinner. If you refuse to eat, you get nothing else. The end. Of course, us kids would be like, “um, ok, Mom really means it.”
These days, Andrew is still a little more picky, but he knows that our family meal is just what we eat. He can’t leave the table without eating his vegetables. One time, he sat there for over 2 hours, being so stubborn! The rest of the family played a game in the family room. Of course, he wanted to be a part of the fun, so he just ate his vegetables and then was allowed to join us. He now understands its just easier to eat the darn vegetables and get it over with!
jaden
My kids, 5 of them, got an allowance, but the rule was “if u don’t help, you don’t eat” and they understood that I was dead serious.
Junk food was a treat and they still talk about not being allowed to drink pop except as an exceptional treat.
We all deal differently with the “junk food” problem so if someone tsk’s at you again, you have my permission to tell them to mind their own business and go to h- – – while they are at it.
I don’t judge you at all. In fact, I admire your candor. I tried to cook “real food” for my son, as much as possible. However, I knew he’d get his hands on junk food when he’d visit with friends in their home. I grew up on junk food, in the 60’s and 70’s when Hamburger Helper first came out! My mother (who was a fabulous cook), thought it was cook to have shortcuts for dinner. I survived, just fine. I think you are teaching your kids fantastic values and good work ethics. Let the naysayers have their moment of trolling. People in glass houses…
Your boys are so blessed to have the parents they do. Your thoughts and choices are based on what works best for your family and is based in thought and a true sense of caring. I was totally on-board with everything you wrote. Keep up the good work in raising self-sufficient, involved, caring young men.
I enjoyed your post, thank you. I have two teens and got them both paypal student cards. They are free. I can transfer money to their cards (no fees), and they can pay for things with the card anyplace that accepts Mastercard.
Eat happy.
There is enough stress.
I think it is a great idea, my kids would get junk once a month and they had to buy it themselves. They had regular chores to do that they did not get paid for. But if they did something extra, they got a small reward. They learned to save their money, and when we went out clothes shopping they always went to the discount racks. They are grown up now, and they all have very decent credit.
Brilliant. I am 3 months away from being a father for the first time. Family values and conscious understanding of what we eat and how we live are so important to me. This has been extremely inspirational. Thank you so much! This will carry on in my budding family.
USAA offers free checking/savings accounts with debit cards for kids.
You have to have some connection with the military (mine is through my grandfather, who served in Korea) to join.
Great coordination between accounts. We have quite a few: bill-paying, mine, DH, DS, DD, long-term/emergency, medical (our FSA reimbursements are automatically deposited here), holiday.
Children should think about choices and consequences (good and not-so-good). Letting them make those choices with their own money (and a little guidance about what can be spent and saved) gives them the tools for their future adult lives. I was a single mom with two small boys. There was not enough money for allowances, so my theory was like yours. We live in this house together, all of the jobs contribute to a functioning household, no one person should carry the burden of chores, and I would never ask them to do something I wasn’t willing to do myself. If there was extra money, we did something special together. I saved for holidays for those “special food treats.” Turned out, they loved getting cashews, pistachios, dried apricots, mandarins, and quality foodstuffs (items I couldn’t afford the rest of the year) in their stockings. (Their dad more than took care of the chocolate!) While I’m not a junk food fan, when they did get it, they became very particular and discerning about those occasional “junk food/candy” items. We dumped the majority of Halloween candy about six months after. They just didn’t think to eat it! When they got older (and money wasn’t so tight), they were paid for jobs that I might have paid someone else to do (car washing, major yard cleanup, etc.). Somehow, it all worked. They are 38 and 35 and have wives that love that they are great cooks, can clean the house, love to care for their children, and can keep a good budget. Obviously, an occasional bout with junk food mania, didn’t affect them at all. And I’m the luckiest – I now have two daughters!
Love the article and applaud what you’re doing!
However, I have an extremely urgent need for a stove replacement temporarily for a few months. I just had hand reconstruction surgery and hubby is cooking. He dropped a pan on my glass top stove and broke it, and we can’t buy a new one for a several months. He was off work for months when he had a heart attack/triple bypass in May then had brain surgery in August. Please tell me what your camp stove is? I have a microwave, a slow cooker and an electric griddle to use.
Hi Barbara – the stove is here and the butane is here.
So glad he (or you, if you’re the one moderating the comments!) has enjoyed learning to code with YD! I just love hearing about our students applying their new skills, and helping out the family is a great use of your talents!
I loved reading this! We used to do a similar distribution ratio w/ spending/saving/charity but have moved away from that a little bit. Brooks hasn’t gotten an allowance in years. Like you, we consider doing things around our property and in the house just a contribution to being a part of the family and feeling fortunate to have what we have. Instead Brooks works on his blog and makes a decent monthly income for a 13-year old off of that. The ads he displays deliver his income. He’s allowed to keep 25% for spending and the rest goes directly into his college account. He was able to draw from his checking account for a new pair of skis this year, so he felt pretty good about that. We’re saving for college too, but we felt it was important for him to be part of the process. When he goes off to college in 4 1/2 years (yikes!), he will have amassed enough savings on his own to pay for one year at an expensive school! As far as charity… we should think about incorporating that into the % again. For now, we just talk about opportunities as they come up and donate where needed. Good job with your boys, Jaden! I love that Andrew is learning coding- he’ll make bank in college doing freelance work!! 🙂
Hey Jaden (and Nathan who’s approving my comment),
Thanks for all these great ideas on teaching kids about money, charity, and responsibilities. We’re trying to figure it out now….as my 3 1/2 year old is already exhibiting signs of spoiled brat-ness.
Good luck with the kitchen!
Nathan – I forgot to add – I agree with you that sometimes it’s ok to eat junk food! Everything in moderation 🙂
I loved your article! First, I think that woman in the store was so rude. People need to think before they verbally judge. About the “junk” food, I agree there’s a place in your sons lives. Maybe they should make a game of analyzing the nutritional facts of an item before purchase (too high in fat, trans fat, carbs, sugars or salt? Even analysis between cheesy puff A and B. I know this takes longer in the store but it’s another teaching moment. I sometimes buy a small bag or bar of “Junk” just for a taste and not have it around for later. Have they ever tried to create their “junk” food from scratch without additives? The internet is a great resource! Your boys seem to have the computer and cooking chops they need! Rock on Hair Family!
Ahhh…the controversial topics are the best. It’s not just interesting but stimulating ” the little grey cells”.
If one has a healthy lifestyle overall…then some junk food here or there isn’t going to leave lasting harm.
Besides some social situations come up where it is more enjoyable to join the group in a less than healthy meal then to be the one left out or defending oneself with a nutritional lecture. Who wants to be the party pooper!?
Sadly, I have seen and heard of this type of thing in the last ten years. I have heard of one who refused to go to a party unless the menu was completely redone to be “healthier” and the host did do it but it caused them great stress. I also have a friend who refuses to go to gatherings because “junk food” is there. Even when we assure her that there will be fruits and vegetables there, she still refuses.
It is sad that this is what things are coming to….
Healthy lifestyle changes should not become this complicated…..
Great ideas, but unfortunately not every family has a business where the kids can work to earn money.
What about the families where mom and dad work out of the home for others (like nurses or teachers) and don’t have family-business jobs for the kids to work at? Or live in the city?
Any suggestions for those families? Anyone?
LOVE this post!! I just discovered your site here, excited to take a peek around 🙂 I absolutely agree with your philosophy… I think it’s vital to help guide our children through making these decisions for themselves. Well done! 🙂
you should check out a Capitol1 360 account. They have a kids account that gets a debit card. My daughter has had her card since she was around 11. The bank itself is entirely online so you can set up the transfers and there is an app they can use to check in and they can each get their own log in. I get a text message every time my daughter makes a purchase (something specific i have set up) .
I applaud your hard work. i try to raise my daughter similarly.
Thank you for your open sharing of your approach. I read about research a while back that essentially controlling what kids eat and not allowing non-JERF in their lives doesn’t help one bit when they are adults. They still eat McDonalds and other questionable food on their path to deciding what nutritional and financial choices they want to make. My take away was I, like you, can help my my daughter to start down that path now so I can walk some of it with her and create some teaching opportunities.
As a quick note re:free debit cards, Wells Fargo has a great program for kids under 14. They get a free debit card and an account attached to their parents’ account for full visibility and easy transfers. My daughter had one until she turned 14 at which point we converted it into a regular account (I know the online password for visability) so she can establish a history with the bank and learn to mange her own account. I can’t remember the minimum age but it might be worth looking into. It was great for us.
Natanya
consider checking into a credit union for the boys savings/checking accounts. You will find credit unions beat out banks in many areas and many have great kids programs. Also, if you put yourself on as primary they can have a checking account and be issued a debit card. Both of my boys have had debit cards since they were young and know how to track their spending and can tell you to the penny how much is in their accounts.
You can try the American Express Serve account. My son and nephew have their own debit cards, connected to my checking account. It’s very convenient to use.
Intentional parenting at its best
My jaw dropped when I saw the title, but kudos for what you’re doing. I’m taking a page from your book!
I love your balance view on the subject! Definately amazing!
Love your balance view on the subject! Amazing!
Boys, we are very proud of you
Brilliant. Am so impressed, I passed this blog on to both my daughters. They each have children of various ages, and these teaching ideas are pretty spot on, in my opinion. Loved it.
Smart..AND she posts great recipes. Sure am glad I fouund this blog recently. Kudos.
Wonderful story, and IF I wasn’t allergic to MSG I would be eating a bag of those tasty cheese puffs right about now! I have a 15 year old daughter with food allergies who is a serial label reader, she will go nuts if I buy the “wrong kind of junk food” as she calls it. She’s want GMO Free, Organic, and all natural. What happened to just plain ole junk food. lol
I really enjoyed this post. I think you’re installing some really important life skills in your kids – being able to be self sufficient, and to really consider the choices they make. Financial literacy is such a huge problem (I don’t know what schooling is like in the States, but in Canada it’s not something that’s really taught) and this is such a great way to keep them engaged and understand what a dollar earned really means. Kudos to you and I will be bookmarking this post to refer back to when I have children! 🙂
Sorry Jaden, I misspelled your name…..maybe Nathan can put an edit button on here 🙂
Jadin,I think you are a great mom and your kids sound like they are pretty wise too, and they both are so cute……they will make someone a good husband one day 🙂 many yrs. away tho, right boys ? A little junk food won’t hurt them, you seem to cook real healthy…..love your blog……
While I’m sure you have valid points for letting your children eat junk food and I’m sure I probably agree with you, I did not, as you suggest, read this entire post. I could not get past your references to money. As far as judging you I can’t help but think you are clueless. Expecting to receive social security should not be considered a government handout nor a freebie. There is nothing free about the thousands of dollars I have paid in!
As a fellow “MelindaS,” you really should read the entire post before making a judgemental and critical comment. She didn’t refer to social as a government handout. She only voiced the common concern about whether it will exist when we are of age to collect it. Just push your way through the entire post or don’t comment, Melinda. You made us look bad.
I think that it is no one’s business but yours, and that people should keep their mouths shut about other people’s children. You do not owe anyone a reason and I do not believe in the lie that…..”it takes a village to raise a child.” I believe it takes a “good parent to raise their child or children.” My husband and I birthed our children and we raised them……and had great grandparents who never interfered, but were always there to encourage us and our children with their abundant love and compassion.
I love reading your blog.
No you don’t want them to depend on Social Security but it is their right to collect after paying into it for so meant years (35 in my case).
I really love this post – the way you empower your kids is inspirational. There are so many of these things I would love to implement, but I don’t know where to find the time. My kids are up at 6:30am, don’t get home from school until almost 4, then there is homework, dinner and much needed time outside before bed (young kids=early bedtime). We don’t even participate in activities. How do you fit it all in?
I have 2 young children and my child raising philosophy is not so different from yours. However, I would not teach my children that charity is only acceptable when one is giving and not receiving. Life happens. Giving is great but so is accepting handouts that can make a huge difference – such as the lap top donated by your son.
Hi it’s Nathan! I say that its sometimes ok to eat junk food 🙂
thank you for all the comments, it’s up to 68 WOW!
Brilliant. Absolutely brilliant. I’m stealing this for my own, whenever that happens.
Jaden you are so spot on. It’s a good lesson for your boys to learn…don’t judge others until you’ve “walked in their shoes” and remember that some people are so unhappy in their own lives that they are looking to bring others down with them. (You know the misery loves company mentality). Anyway, I raised my kids wih many of the same ideas and values as you speak of. At age 19 and 17, they are already thanking me for this. Keep up the great work and never doubt yourself. You Go Girl!! Thanks for making the world and it’s future a better place one child at a time.
I’m going to share this with my kids who have young children, ages 4 to 8, and hopefully they will start this wonderful plan with their families. Thanks!
Sounds like a well thought out plan to me. Honestly, I don’t think an occasional treat of less than healthy food will do the boys harm in the long run. Our bodies are amazing food digestion and filtration machines. And aren’t we all learning as the science becomes available? I’m old enough to have gone whole hog for the “don’t eat eggs and butter, eat margarine and shortening” mantra of the 70s. Now look, we have come full circle.
I think you are thoughtful and conscientious parents, and Andrew and Nathan, you two are awesome boys! And love your blog!
Jaden, The good thing that came out of that rude remark in the grocery line, is that you now have shared all these wonderful and nurturing ideas on your post. I think you guys are doing a wonderful job & hopefully by sharing this you are helping thousands of parents of young children. I like to eat healthy, but I also eat junk food too. I also know that when you go to visit someone, they may not serve the type of food you would at home, but graciously you eat it & appreciate that they included you in their home.
I’m a personal fitness trainer and I let my kids eat “junk” on the weekends. Now, it’s not exclusively junk but they can have hot pockets, ramen, burgers and fries or pizza. The rest of the week, I make high fiber/high protein/low fat healthy meals. My kids know the difference and that the junk is a “treat” and Mom gets the night off. They also eat lots of fruit on the weekends (we don’t have chips/cookies readily available) and then when Sunday night rolls around, they are happy to have the healthy food again.
I can understand how you must have felt in that moment–they have no idea what you eat on a regular basis and really should mind their own business. It’s really funny considering your blog…
Wow. I only wish that “tsk tsk” in the check out lane could read this post. You are amazing. We have a 30 year old son who is a successful, independent, kind human being quite by accident. You are on track for creating incredibe young men. Keep up the great work and enjoy your sons!
Wonderful article…and a good way to raise kids. Passing this on to my kids, who have kids 5 and 8 and will use what they will from it. Thanks.
I had 1 child and 2 step – children and I found that chores did get paid for as long as the work was done and then they got paid. The money was theirs to use as they pleased after all they worked for it. My child was a bit different as she was much younger than the 2 step children by 12 years. I bought the stuff she liked and I put junk food in a box under the counter mainly to teach her that she had her on place in the kitchen. She didn’t like junk food and gave it to her friends. She liked veggies to chew on. Still does and she’s 48. And she raised her son the same way. He likes veggies.
I agree with you on your ideas on not wanting the kids to depend on others or government for what they could earn on their own. I’m going to download that app kids bank for them. Great ideas.
So many people have such a poor knowledge of real nutrition. Not that I’m saying that junk food is good for you! But there are plenty of foods that are not great for you whether they are natural or “full of chemicals.” Sorry, that phrase makes me laugh. Chemicals is such a vague word. Everything in existence is made up of chemicals. Ha ha.
But the worst part is that people nowadays seem to think that they know better. This constant looking down their nose at others is sad. You obviously teach your children well and it’s shameful that people who know nothing about you assume that they know better than you. I’m sure that you teach your children about nutrition too. But even if you didn’t, it’s none of my business!
I know, it’s such a complicated issue, isn’t it? I mean, on the one hand, once you know how bad the “junk” in that junk food is for you, it’s hard to condone its consumption. On the other hand, how do kids learn to distinguish the difference and make those choices if they never actually see it (the “bad stuff”) so it sounds to me like you’ve found a way to fit real food into your real life. 😉 And I love your approach to money with the boys — great learning opportunities for them, and especially both the savings and contributions. Great job and inspiring to others, I’m sure.
Hi Jaden,
I know we have free speech, BUT, far too many think they can judge others! Looove what you share and write. Love seeing the new kitchen. Thank you for all that you do and share. Barbara Lutnick,
Yuma, AZ
I like your idea of the kids using their own money to buy the junk food they like. I always looked at junk food this way, it is fine in moderation, as long as they are eating healthy food as well. Also as kids they burn the calories up pretty fast, hopefully most kids are active enough to do that. Also I always felt that if you deny the kids junk food while they are growing up they will probably eat a lot more of it when they go out on their own and buys their own groceries. I love all your e-mails, recipes and give aways you share. And I think it is awesome how your boys are involved!
Oh Jaden, don’t let the morons of the world affect your good heart with their nasty words! You have displayed a great plan for yourself and your family and you should stick with your beliefs. Keep with the great work! Thank you!
I think people need to keep their opinions to themselves. The person in line needs to worry about herself and not what just happened to be in your cart that day.
I think that you are doing a wonderful job raising your children. I raised my children somewhat the same way you did and they turned out great and are raising their children to be honorable grown-ups. I wanted to share something about me and my 6 brothers and sister. My parents had to watch every cent my father made and my mother stayed at home raising 6 kids. We never had sweets or sodas. We ate very healthy and made everything from scratch. The only time we ever had desserts was a birthday cake and homemade ice cream for our birthdays. Up until I was 18 I may have had 10 sodas in my life (These were sneaked when coming home after school). No candy or cookies. Consequently when each of us got out on our own, here were sweets, already prepared food, ice cream, cakes, cookies, pies and prepared breads (we made ours at home) and we were not able to control ourselves and the downfall is we all have had a weight problem from obese to morbidly obese. Without being taught how to control ourselves all us kids were doomed to be fat. We went from being deprived to having it all. I wish my mother had taught us the way you are your children as they will never have to go through what my siblings and myself did. Thank you for writing (sharing) and allowing your kids to have “junk food”.
Exactly. Make something off limits and it becomes like a drug. And seriously, who doesn’t like a cheezie every so often?
O.M.G. You are a super mom! You rock. We are not nearly so advanced in our little world, but I will share with you a couple of thoughts to take or leave as you wish. As for junk, sure, our kid eats her fair share of junk, but in limited quantities. She understands this, and the reason why. I started doing “Americanized” bento’s for her when she was in first grade and never looked back. Every day she has fruit or veg (or both), usually olives or pickles depending on what she’s into at the moment, and a sandwich and chips. Lately she likes guacamole or hummus with her chips, so she gets that. Prior to her boiled egg boycott, I’d send her a boiled egg, too. This way I’m sure she’s getting servings of good food along with the junk. We limit candy, and always have. She knows this, and she’s learned to self limit. She knows during the holidays, it’s 2 pieces a day, and she’s good with that. The first piece at Christmas is right out of bed in the AM when she hits her advent calendar, but seriously, is there any better way to work your way to Christmas? Now for my suggestion, I’ve been doing this for my kid since she was 2, I opened an account for her (in my name, but she’s the bene) with Sharebuilder.com ($4 trades if you put it on automatic investment, and you can turn auto invest on and off as you wish- I don’t work for them, but found it’s one of the least expensive ways to start). With her savings, we purchase stock. Initially, I chose the stocks and tried to pick stocks she may have some interest in so she’d want to learn (toy manufacturers, Disney, etc). Now that she’s older, she will suggest companies to look into, I’ll do the research (she’s soon going to learn how), and then we discuss the pro’s and con’s of whether to purchase the stock. She’s learned that dividends are good, solid companies are great, and that no matter how much she likes a company, if they don’t pay dividends, they aren’t for her. She’s watched her stock grow and she’s learning to not listen to pundits, and that a stock broker’s assessment of when to buy, isn’t always right. She’s learning to buy low, sell high, and hold on for long term earnings. She’s learning the value of reinvesting, etc. We have a small account with Sharebuilder as well, and she loves competing with us to see who gets the most earnings. So, I love you are setting the kids up for lives as businessmen, but teach them as well how to make their money grow while they sleep. It’s wonderful and the lessons on compound interest, etc are invaluable. If and when they make their millions, they will rest easy knowing they have control over their own money and destiny, they aren’t relying on completely on their broker/banker/accountant to handle their money. I’m not anti-broker/banker either, but I know enough to know when to question the broker or banker, and when something sounds too good to be true (it usually is), and passing this on to my child. Can’t wait to see what the boys do in the future.
Very cool. I wish I could go back and re-do!
Hi. We raised two sons that are now 37 and 41. We taught them from the beginning that they were part of a family and as part of that family we all contributed. They did get an allowance but had to use it for anything they wanted. One set the table, unset it and dried dishes. The other one washed dishes. As they grew older, they cleaned there rooms, changed sheets, etc. when they reached the ripe old age of 14, they washed their own clothes, folded them and put them away.
They still do their own clothes to this day and their wives love me for it!
Also when the received monetary gifts, they put it in the bank and saved it for something they really wanted, like a computer.
They are loving, responsible adults who do not go into debt without having money in the bank to back it up. I just wish I would have thought of the idea of them contributing to charity when they were younger
Sorry this is so long.
You are a rock star Jaden! I love this post. Thanks very much for sharing 🙂
I also let my boys eat junk food. Now at 18 and 19 they know all about healthy food and not so healthy food. My husband and I always talked about everything with our kids(age appropriate) and always tried to give them truthful information. Now they are well rounded knowledgeable helpful people.
Who doesn’t like junk food every once in a while! Seriously. I think it’s awesome what you are doing! Love you blog!
1.GMO’S
2. Artificial and Processed sugars= organ damage, and juvenile diabetes.
3. Read the label if you don’t know what it is, then you should probably not eat it!
I think you are wise not to make a big deal about junk food — in the context of a normal family diet that emphasizes real food and makes that also appealing. To do otherwise would simply make the junk more appealing, inviting sabotage — or, model “judgy” behavior that will not serve your children well.
What I take issue with is your dismissal of Social Security as a handout. I paid into Social Security during my whole working life, and now I get it back. And in fact, in my state, I also pay taxes on my Social Security income. At a higher tax rate than the wealthy pay on their income from Wall Street investments.
Without getting into a political discussion on a food blog, I’ll just I hope you are also teaching your children that not everyone is fortunate to grow up healthy and well fed, with extended family support and the means to earn a good living. Poverty isn’t a lifestyle choice of lazy people. Millions have lost good jobs in this country, or had those jobs reduced to part-time, minimum wage work that doesn’t support a family, even when the parents work two or three jobs. Millions have experienced the sudden loss of income and housing due to a partner’s or a parent’s death, disability or chronic illness. We have veterans in this country whose families rely on the support you dismiss as “charity” — it’s not because they lack a work ethic. At a time in history when Americans are working more hours, more productively, for less real income, the richest ten percent of Americans are seeing an exponential increase in their unearned income — not because they work harder, or even work at all. Corporate welfare and federal tax policies dwarf what we spend providing assistance to the needy.
To teach children otherwise is far more dangerously “judgy” than someone critical of junk food.
Hi Jaden,
It sounds like your kids are on THEIR way to a better world. I love your approach! And, I believe that giving kids choices rather than totally restricting them, is so important. Just in the US, so many people especially kids are over-weight and do alot of binge eating and cruising fast food places. My kids are grown, but, today they have very good food habits. My son has chosen to be vegetarian. My daughter has bee hives and limits sugar and fats in her meals. I am proud of them both for their choices.
Denise
Ditto what Jen said. Those boys are so blessed to have such a great Mom and Dad! And mom and dad are blessed with great kids! Keep up the good work, Andrew and Nathan!
Jaden, have you thought about writing a parenting book? Seriously.
I think you are a very wise mom. Your kids are blessed to have you. You are raising responsible and unselfish young men. And their future wives will thank you for raising them that way!
I think your approach to “junk” food is fantastic. I must correct you on one point regarding social security. It is not an entitlement or government handout. It is money that a worker has withdrawn from his or her paycheck to be used later in retirement. It is money that has been earned by the worker.
I think it’s great you let your kids make their own dietary choices. I grew up in Los Angeles in the 1970’s, an era and place where white sugar was considered deadlier than heroin. Of course it wasn’t allowed in our house. Of course I learned by the time I hit preschool how to get what all the other kids had – delicious, wonderful, delightful SUGAR. Mostly in the form of chocolate. Not only did I not die filthy and bald in a gutter somewhere from sugar, none of my teeth fell out that weren’t supposed to anyway, I absolutely did not get fat and I learned to regard my parents as untrustworthy.
While my mother did eventually relax her rules about things like Hostess snacks and potato chips to a certain extent, to this day you’d have better luck getting me to raise cockroaches and spiders as pets than you would getting me to eat something just because the yummy alternative is “bad”. Good, wholesome food is delicious, but so is the less than healthful food. More importantly, I am convinced that if my mother had used a tactic similar to yours, I’d not still squint at her suspiciously every time she told me it looked like it might rain.
On the other hand, thanks to my mother, I can still throw down with some great vegetarian meals and as a demi-veg by choice, most nights I do. I really do enjoy the flavor of local, seasonal (fresh) foods. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with that any more than there is anything wrong with enjoying the occasional Hamburger Helper, and I don’t think we should act like there is by trying to “trick” our kids into eating real food, as so many seem to try to do. It really is all about choices – and individual tastes. I’m glad to see you recognizing that for your kids and treating them like intelligent human beings, capable of making their own choices with the best, most accurate information you can give them.
Best regards to you and yours,
Sylvan
I try to eat sensibly and heed what my mother used to say about food choices.
“Eat everything moderately” – a little of everything; not too much of one.
She lived to 93…………
I think you go above and beyond most parents in educating their children about a whole host of wonderful things. All I would suggest is watch the docmentary “Fed Up” together. It is fantastic on every level.
Great article and I am happy to hear how thoughtfully you are raising your sons.
I gave my children lots of options at the table and they now are healthy men who are raising
their own families with healthy food. I never found it helpful to forbid foods or force them to
clean their plates. If they didn’t like a dish, they didn’t eat it but they didn’t get a substitute-
so basically you eat if you are hungry and not if you are not.
I don’t remember what I did about money except if they earned it, it was theirs to spend. I do seem
to remember the weird things they ordered from the back of magazines and comics. Sea Monkeys, indeed!
Awesome post! Corban is not even two yet, so he has no concept of money, but we have the exact same plan for family responsibilities and then extra chores to earn money. In fact he already has family responsibilities, like picking up his toys, clearing his dishes after dinner, helping with putting trash in the trash can, and vacuuming. He LOVES the sense of responsibility And often chants, “helper, Corban helper” as he does it.
As for he junk food, I try not to buy any because I know that when it’s in the house, I want to eat it. But we also believe in shepherding our kids, teaching them to make decisions for themselves, rather than having all their actions be based on our rules. I really like the ideas you shared.
Oh and thanks Nathan for moderating this comment!
I love your honesty – and will probably incorporate some of the ideas that fit into our lifestyle. I cook everyday for my family, but there are times we slip into what I call the “box food” necessity of life. With our busy schedules I might prepare an orange macaroni product from a small skinny box, or microwave a cheeseburger just before running out the door to this practice or that class. It takes great dedication and resolve to bring things to the level your family has attained, but it’s very inspiring to see that it can be done! Thanks for sharing – and personally – I ignore the tsk-tsk from others – I know in my heart the good I do for my family on a daily basis…
Hi Jaden and Family! So wonderful to see a family working together. Teaching by example has been a family value we have always strived toward. When my sons were very young I had them shop with me and learn to read the labels of anything we might buy that was pre-made or packaged. I tried to avoid those items ( pre-made) pie crust and cake mixes! I realized that I was actually making myself stress over trying to make scratch pie crust…one day my youngest son told me “Mama it’s ok…I know you tried! We can’t be good at everything! You make the best cinnamon rolls ever!” In that moment I knew that could purchase a pie crust without guilt! That was ten years ago and every time I buy a crust I remember that loving face of Jacob!
And ..the person that made the comment at the Beaver Clever home .
If junk food is not a main staple in their diet, and we all know it is not … I say, Let them eat cake!!!
Wow. I don’t have kids (yet) but I’m definitely bookmarking this for when I do. The thoughtfulness in how you raise your children is wonderful, and is apparent in how great they are!
I truly enjoyed you sharing this with us. I have been a follower for a long time and always been impressed with your standards. This has given me great food for thought, as I am raising my granddaughter. She is only 16 months old right now, but for future purposes this will be a great asset of knowledge.
I have always been against giving children allowances for the very reasons you stated. As well as the appreciation they learn and caring for things much more that they have earned. And the importance of shaping what their expectations in life should be.
On the subject of junk food. We always would prefer them to eat right and as you do, always encourage them to do so. I think you are going about it the right way. When you use force and demand and forbid a child from something, as in allowing them to eat junk food and as in many other things as well you risk them over not only doing it any way, just because they want the experience, but engorging themselves and over compensating in different areas of whatever that “forbidden fruit” persay was. When they are allowed to make their own choices with the right tools put into place what they do learn embeds in them and stays with them longer.
So, in my opinion, I truly am impressed and agree with you fully on this matter.
And another thing they are learning from this, some people have no tact and they will always at some point run into these people. They will also learn the productive way of handling those situations as well and that it is ok to be who they are 🙂
Ditto! I wish I would have thought of this when my kids were little. I totally agree that you should have them practice small decisions now so they are prepared for the big ones later on. I salute you for the way you are raising your children.
People are judgmental–and out-loud rude, apparently! You’re doing a great job with your kids’ diet. When my kids were young I cooked the “whole grains” route, lots of veggies and fruits. A bit heavy on carbs, but no one knew any better then. After Halloween and Easter I doled out the kids’ candy bit by bit. It was exhausting and annoying. When they got a little older, upper elementary, I just said, “Go for it. When it’s gone, it’s gone.”
I think what you’re doing is very wise. It would be futile to forbid junk food to the kids, unless you’re planning on keeping them locked in the house. They appreciate non-JERF, and they are lucky to be eating and learning to cook delicious meals. JERF isn’t forbidden, so they won’t be running out and stuffing themselves with it whenever they have the chance.
Where does Andrew earn an 8% interest rate? Can I put my savings there too???
Jaden:
As a woman who raised two kids by myself, I have to compliment you. Good job! I raised my kids in a very similar manner, more out of necessity than anything else. I made sure they realized that we were all in this together and if any one of us did anything selfish, the other two suffered. We made decisions as a team and discussed priorities often. We all sacrificed so that both kids could go to private schools, and they both understood the importance of good education. And, like you, there was no allowance. Only earnings. Both kids worked outside the home as soon as they were old enough, and that money was theirs. Until then, they were creative in finding ways to make money. And I had an agreement with them that I would match anything they put into savings. Every year, we picked charities as a family to contribute to and volunteered often. And both kids (now 27 & 29 years old) to this day volunteer and contribute to charities on their own. It is an important civic lesson to learn the importance of the team and the neighborhood. I too let my kids eat “junk”. I know other parents questioned this. But as a former substance abuse counselor, I know the effect of denial. It is why there is more alcoholism here in the US than in Europe. Allowing indulgences teaches responsibility and takes away the mystique. And truthfully, as long as they are consuming responsibly, they are okay. Both of my kids are runners and “health-nuts” and great cooks. I believe you are what you are taught. So, again with enthusiasm, Good Job!
I’m not a parent, but if I were to become one, you are definitely a role model I would look up to! I really like your philosophy on work and food!
You misuse the word “entitlement” several times, helping to increase and prolong the confusion related to these government programs. So called entitlement programs are called such because the participants are paying or have paid taxes into accounts from which they should later be eligible to withdraw. They are, in fact, entitled to the disbursements. These are distinct from welfare or other types of payments in which participants can receive those payments without necessarily having contributed first.
Terrific! Your family sounds awesome. I love the way your boys are being raised.
That was an excellent post. I love that your kids work on the blog with you. I also love that you pay them minimum wage. You’re not just teaching them about entrepreneurship and the value of a dollar, you’re teaching them respect and compassion too. Well done.
This sounds like a great system! Right now we give our 5 year old “iPad minutes, as his preferred form of currency, lol. He starts with 10 per day and can lose them through poor behavior. He can also earn more by doing chores above and beyond his expected daily ones. It’s been fun to see him asking for more work to do so he can earn iPad minutes!
What a terrific philosophy! I agree with everything you’ve said. Your kids will no doubt grow up to be fine citizens!
I agree with what Jen wrote. I am very impressed and inspired by how you are working with your children to learn responsibility and money management. I will definitely be implementing some (if not most) of these things with my children as well. I have been trying to find a way to provide a type of allowance for my kids so they learn money management, but without making them later adopt the attitude that the chores would not be done without a financial benefit. I particularly love the one where you try to find the ingredients from the box in the food you are eating. Great idea!
People just love to judge-no invitation needed. We all do it-some just better then others. I don’t know what I would say if faced with this situation-probably something polite just to brush them off-then steamed afterwards about what I wised I would have said. It’s great that you get your kids so involved in your work-great on so many levels. The teaching and time spent together etc.
All of the things that I have read about how involved your family is with each others “projects” makes me aspire to work towards that with my own family. As always enjoyed reading-Thanks
Im copying this and keeping it for future reference for my 8 month old! All beautiful, morally responsible and great ways to raise your kids responsibly.
It drives me crazy when people pass judgement like that lady in the grocery store. You are allowing them junk-food in the most responsible way possible. Heck Im sure tons of people just give the cheetos and oreos right to their kids and no one says anything about it. She has no idea you have just about the best junk-food plan ever under your belt.
Ignorance is bliss right? lol. 🙂 Lovely post! And good work with this boys! Best plan I ever heard!
Excellent if I had done this my kids would know where money comes from. As for the junk food you should have ask how much sugar and salt were in her cart… It is hidden where most can overlook it. How many canned foods were in her cart
Back pats all around. Good job, Mom and Dad. Good job boys.
It is all about balance and teaching the boys to make good choices. If anyone ever judges you again (IE..in the Publix checkout line) give them a link to your blog post!
Frankly, it’s none of their business. Your kids. Your choice.
It is so bizarre to me that your decision about giving an allowance is motivated by your concerns about abuse of government assistance programs. Is it hard for me to comprehend that you actually believe that the (very few) people who abuse assistance programs are more likely to have received an allowance as a child, or that children who receive allowances are more likely to grow up to commit welfare fraud. I would love to see the studies, research, or polls on which you and your husband have based this belief.
I second Jen — you and Scott have the right approach with the boys! I especially like how they cook their junk food — they’re putting in the effort and ultimately learning they’re not missing anything.
This is not dissimilar to how I was raised. I think it’s terrific that your sons are growing up understanding the value of work, how to budget and make financial decisions, and the importance of giving back. Brava!
I agree with Jen, I wish I had done like this with my son. He is a great 33 yr old but I believe he would have been more grounded and financially responsible if I had used these steps. Such a blessing to see these children doing such great work for the needy as well.
Do you believe in arranged marriages? Hahahaha– I know the answer to that question just by reading this post 😉 but you are raising some mighty eligible bachelors there that I would be proud to one day call my sons! We are trying to teach these same financial and body-respecting principles to our kids, and hope that it will pay off in their happiness for years to come. Thanks for being a great voice for like-minded parents Jaden, I so much admire your work!
wow,I’m really impressed about how truly loving these actions are.They support,rather than control and allow the freedom that comes with responsibility.All in age appropriate ways.I wish I had known to do this with my own kids.Also,giving that student the laptop-that just touched me deeply.Thank you to you and your family for sharing this.
Thank you Jen!
Very well said Jen. I am going to pass this in to my two children who have children that are of an age to understand.”
Thank you. And thank you Jaden.
Sounds like u are doing a great job with your boys, I don’t judge people and when someone behind u in a grocery store gives u their 2 cents worth its very rude, unless its an old friend or family member saying it (for a joke) How do they know u r going to eat it or picking it up for someone, I always say if u having nothing good to say then don’t say anything. 🙂
Loved your article about how you are raising your children to be responsible. Wish I had done this a long time ago when my son were your boys age. I think it’s great and nobody should judge other people on what they are purchasing in the store as they don’t know the full story. Your family sounds great and the pictures of your family brings it more to life
I think you are doing a great job raising your children,They are learning many valuable lessons in life. What other people say,should be ignored, it’s none of their concern. My four sisters and one brother,did not receive or expect allowance. It was our duty to help out at home and now we look back with fond memories of sharing so much with our parents. It was all taught with love. Enjoy your family and the awesome parents you both are.