I was lunching with my friend, restaurant critic Brian Ries of Creative Loafing, and he asked me what I thought of area burger joints. The truth is, the only burger that I ever order out is McDonald’s – mainly because my boys must. have. that. stupid. toy. Never mind that sometimes the inattentive cashier stuffs pinktutugirly toys in their Happy Meal, …as if she struggled determining the sex of 2 little crew-cut tots wearing highlighter green shirts with massive dump trucks emblazoned with the words “HAUL IT.”
Clearly, she must have passed out from utter boredom during McD’s Happy Meal toy selection training.
But can you imagine the sheer delight of my boys when they discovered that instead of blue stupiduselessplasticjunk, they got the PINK stupiduselessplasticjunk!?!?
Of course, what do my boys first?
Lift up the skirt of the doll.
Andrew: (squeal!) “NO UNDERWEAR!”
Nathan: “AHH HAAAHAAA UNDERWEAR!!! You said UNDERWEAR!!!”
Me: “Boys….shhhh….not so loud. Let’s throw them back at the cashier and get the boy’s toy.”
Boys: “UNDERWEAR!!! HAHAHAHA!!! Lookit her BUTTTTTTT! AAAAHHHAAA! BUTTTT!”
Next thing I know, 3 small boys eating at a table to the right started saying, “BUTTTTTT!” Their mom, “Stop it!”
Nathan: (softly) “butt”
“AAAAHHHAAAAAAA!! BUTT!” and then it started all over again. All 5 boys.
I surrendered to their childish, boyish fascination of the silly word, because it could have been worse. Much, much worse.
They could have said, “Bungholio”
Put THAT in your training, McDonald’s.
I hereby pass this on and award it to:
I hereby pass this on and award to:
Asian Pork Burgers with Kimchi
- 1 pound ground pork (or turkey)
- 1 large clove garlic, smushed in garlic press
- 1/2 teaspoon grated ginger (use microplane grater)
- 1 teaspoon soy sauce
- 1/2 teaspoon fish sauce
- 1/2 teaspoon brown sugar
- 1 egg, beaten
- salt & pepper
- 1 bunch scallions, washed & roots trimmed (keep scallions whole)
- 1/2 cup Kimchi
- 4 slices tomato
- Japanese mayonnaise
- 4 hamburger buns
- Preheat your gas or charcoal grill </span>: On medium-high
- Make your patties: Combine all ingredients for the burger. Form 4 equal sized burgers. Don't make them too thick or they will be difficult to cook thoroughly. With your fingers, form a nice little dent in the middle. The burger will puff up in the middle during cooking and the dent will allow your burger will puff up evenly.
- Cook burgers: Brush grates of grill with a little oil. Cook burgers on medium-high direct heat for 4 minutes with lid closed. Open lid, throw your whole scallions on the grill. Flip burgers and cook another 4 minutes with lid open, or until internal meat is 160F. Serve with grilled scallions, a side of kimchi and any other toppings that you'd like. I like piling the kimchi on the burger.
Asian Pork Burgers is so versatile. Here are some options:
- You could substitute ground turkey for the pork. Shorten your cooking time too, as turkey will cook faster than pork.
- If you don’t have fish sauce or don’t like fish sauce, just leave it out and add a bit more soy sauce)
- Add a squirt of Sriracha hot sauce if you’d like more spice
- Do you like sesame oil? Add 1/2 teaspoon to the burger mix
- Other filling ideas: minced shallots, chopped cilantro, lime juice, grated lemongrass
- Other topping ideas: cool cucumber slices, pickled ginger, pickled cucumber ribbons